“If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself; if it be a lie, laugh at it.”
Epictetus, a Greek sage and philosopher (AD 55-135)

Have you noticed a traffic cop slapping a penalty on a speeding car? Often the drivers argue that it wasn’t their fault; the stop lights suddenly turned red, or they insist they were simply following the car speeding ahead of them. Amidst the erring drivers’ desperate attempts to get out of paying a huge cost, the officer remains focussed on his ‘job’- exacting a fine. As the driver disputes the levy, the cop is unemotional; he softly, yet assertively repeats the amount he’s charging. People hope to avoid paying, by constant bickering or taking the policeman on an ego trip, yet he doesn’t get distracted from his mission; he tolerates and repeats the charge till the exasperated driver either pays the full amount or negotiates a bribe.

Separate the ‘Ego’ from the ‘Problem’

Keeping the bribery ethics aside, an important lesson to be learnt by the traffic policeman is to separate the people and their egos from the problem. A leader often faces people who get egoistical; they trample your ego by either snide remarks or acting in rebellion and gross violation of your authority. Yet a spiritual leader stays calm. He gets the job done and addresses the erring team members on the merit of the problem; he doesn’t allow what they say or do to his ego to come in the way of efficiently achieving the desired results. Once we slip to settling scores on the ego level, there’s no end to the downslide; issues only get uglier, and we get distracted from our goals. As a wise person remarked, “arguing with a fool only proves there are two.”

The ‘Perception’, ‘Emotion’ and ‘Behaviour’ dynamics

While working with others it’s pertinent to note that we all have human frailties; people allow their perceptions-most often distanced from reality- to influence their emotional states and these in turn affect their social interactions. Knowing this dynamics helps a spiritual leader empathise with the struggles of others while carefully avoiding the same trap. He sensitively handles people causing trouble, and instead of taking their behaviour seriously, he focuses on the issues to be resolved.

When I joined our Mumbai monastery I was pressurized with lot of services. My day began at 4.00 am and ended not before 10.00 pm. Besides my daily tasks to do, I had my spiritual practises to take care of. However the ashram in charge would catch me at the least expected moment and make me run errands. Initially I didn’t object but as the frequency of spontaneous services increased, I got stressed; all my other plans got upset and I began to wonder why he always catches me. Soon I developed negative perceptions that ‘he’s getting on my case’, ‘he wants to humble me’, and ‘he envies me’. These perceptions led to negative emotions- anger and feeling victimized- surfacing in my heart. Eventually these emotions influenced my communication as I began avoiding him, and spoke harshly to him.

Observing the tension in our relationship, a senior member of the ashram intervened and after hearing my plea, approached the in charge. Thanks to his addressing the issue, I later learnt that the in charge always gave me services because he trusted me more than the others, and thought I was enjoying doing these spontaneous tasks. My paradigms changed on learning the reality being different from my perceptions. Consequently the whole relationship dynamics changed and I once again developed good feelings for him, and also communicated to him clearly that I couldn’t take so much stress.

I realized these negative perceptions and emotions had done me only harm; I was distracted from my goals.

Tough with self, sensitive with people

A major distraction in achieving our goals is the ego induced emotional outbursts of people. What sets aside a spiritual leader is his determination to not allow his ego to be threatened by the perceptions of others. He is tough with self, and seeks his self-worth in living by principles, not in proving his point or seeking approval from others.

At the same time, knowing the struggles of fallible humans, he seeks to be sensitive to others; he’s aware that most people behave and see the world from their own vantage point. He doesn’t make the same mistake; he is careful to not fall into the vicious ego cycle where interactions amongst team members is reduced to settling scores, confirming negative perceptions about others, and playing the blame game, all at the cost of achieving practical results that are beneficial for both parties.

Don’t allow others to affect you

I realized my own folly in externally smiling while internally rebelling as our in charge gave me various services. I was desperately seeking his approval while struggling with my own ego. Many fall into this trap of letting a volcano build up in their hearts due to poor communication skills.

To grow as a spiritual leader, we can’t allow people to affect us negatively; we have to take responsibility for our emotional states and be internally anchored on spiritual practises with a strong clarity of purpose. This helps us remain unaffected by others’ behaviours, and also humanly and sensitively communicate with all. Benjamin Franklin, one of the founding fathers of the United States put it best, “Who is wise?  He that learns from everyone.  Who is powerful?  He that governs his passions.  Who is rich?  He that is content.  Who is that?  Nobody.”

Thus leadership is serious responsibility, a lifetime of endeavour to check our own thoughts and motives. It’s hard work, but is joyful when we realize we have a noble purpose to achieve, a purpose far beyond the petty ego squabbles of this ephemeral world. After all our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves, and contribute meaningfully to the universe.

We often face the challenge of dealing with difficult people. Every leader faces ‘trouble cases’; people who annoy you repeatedly and you wish they weren’t part of your team. Incorrigible subordinates or even unreasonable superiors may suck away lot of your energy and time, and you are left wondering if the returns are worth the effort and time you are putting into the relationship.

If any personal or working relationship causes you recurring stress, try the following four steps to deal with them.

STEP 1: Pay the price of ‘Time’

Ask yourself how important this person is to you and your project/service. Do you want to address his concerns, and if the answer is ‘yes,’ you have no choice; you have to pay the price of ‘time’. If the person isn’t important, but is a ‘trouble case’, are you willing to pay the price –ranging from emotional outbursts to politics- of ignoring him? If you think ignoring him can affect your project/service negatively, you again have little choice; his issues have to be addressed.

In that case be ready to spend time; don’t be miserly.

If you focus on cutting time to resolve issues, you have to pay later with interest. That means at a certain time in future, you have to spend more time sorting out the misunderstandings that will arise due to not having open communication now. Since he is a trouble case, ask yourself are you ready to clean up the mess now or you’d prefer handling a bigger crisis later? Better spend time now and address the problems; take the bull by the horns. A flight response will only compound your misery; you can’t circumvent the distress, you are only delaying it.

Having internally accepted that time has to be spent, we are ready for the second step

STEP 2:- Know your NIC

Before confronting the ‘trouble cases’, spend time alone introspecting on your own ‘Needs, Interests, and Concerns’. Remember that intrapersonal communication comes before inter personal communication. Besides, a spiritual leader also depends on consistent spiritual practises to nourish himself; the internal succour helps him deal with the myriad challenges of life cheerfully.

Dag Hammarskjold, the former United Nations Secretary-General said, “The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you, the better you will hear what is happening outside.”

Knowing oneself better helps us see the ‘thorns’ as human beings like us, with universal needs and feelings. We wouldn’t be threatened by their idiosyncrasies or agendas because we are connected to the Lord through spiritual practises.

Being thus internally equipped, we are ready for the third step, to approach the ‘trouble case’

STEP 3: Seek first to understand, and then be understood

The first round/session of the meeting is exclusively for understanding the other party. Strongly resist the temptation to give advice or solutions. Remember everyone has a common need to be ‘understood’.  Steven Covey calls this as the habit of ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood’.

The most critical element for you during this stage is to not get emotional. Your job is to simply put yourself in his shoes and be ‘present’ with him; understand and discover his NIC and bring clarity to his own emotions.

Confirm with him if this indeed is his NIC. If he’s not sure, don’t’ jump to the next step. Continue reflecting and let this phase continue till there is an affirmation from him that you have indeed understood him.

Here, with the permission of the other party, we can use a board and write down the points to help us understand. This also assures the person that we want to understand. Besides, tremendous amount of clarity is achieved. You could with the help of the person categorize all the issues raised to different categories and help put them under a few headings/points.

Time and again during the conversation, reflect back without attempting to give solutions. Be genuine; don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal as he reveals his side of the story. People can quickly sense pretence and hypocrisy. Look for the feelings he is expressing and understand the various needs that he seeks to meet. As William Shakespeare said, “Hear the meaning within the word”. This is empathic listening; the most critical step in the process.

Some leaders are reluctant to offer empathy because they fear this takes lot of time and they are also not sure how long should one offer empathy.  Empathy, in the long run, saves time because it’s a major emotional deposit; one of the greatest joys people feel is in being heard and understood. You don’t have to hear eternally; you can know the person is satisfied at your offering of empathy when he has nothing further to say on the issue. Especially if you are reflecting back consistently during the conversation, and he is convinced that you have understood, you will feel a release of tension, he’d relax and would give up his defence.

Now you are ready for the next stage of negotiation.

STEP 4: Express yourself humbly, yet fully

Now that you are sure of both his and your needs, you can first address each of the points that had been earlier raised by him. Express graciously how you could facilitate the particular need; clarify honestly, apologize-only if needed- sincerely, and express kindly how you could either fulfil or your inability to provide for it.

In most cases, a humble, non-apologetic NO helps; especially if you have first heard and understood the other person. Beating around the bush is letting the problem escalate at a later date. Don’t succumb to, ‘Oh, he’s going to feel bad’.

This stage requires us to practise maturity- the ability to balance ‘courage’ and ‘consideration’. If you yield and can’t express clearly, you will be miserable. On the other hand, if you are aggressive and blunt, you will hurt the other party and create unnecessary enemies.

You don’t have to give lot of explanations; you are not responsible for someone else’s emotional instability. State your points and be quiet.

Sounds too good to be true? You may wonder if this process really works. Most people are reasonable and behind the façade of loud emotional outbursts and troubles they create, there is a real human soul, wanting to express fully and also to receive kindness. By first sincerely understanding them and then humbly expressing yourself, you are helping the flow of positive energy and more often than not, the process works.

A real case study- Translating emotions to NIC language

Recently I underwent a life enriching experience with Ritesh, a department head of one of our projects who was incensed at being removed from his service and somebody else, who he perceived was incompetent, was given the task. Ritesh perceived diplomacy and aggressive behaviour by the management; he was badly hurt.

On behalf of the management, I volunteered to mediate. I internally resolved to spend as much time as he wanted from me because the project and he, both are important to me (first step).

Then during the second step I wrote down my own NIC; our rationale for ousting him, and the various issues we had with him in the past. Then I entered the third step of negotiation, where I spent exclusive time with him, and he spoke for three hours on the heart burns he had on various management issues. As I sincerely tried to understand him, I categorized all of his issues into six categories.

As we discussed these issues on the white board, I was writing, erasing and re writing, all in a sincere attempt to understand him better. During the whole discussion, I was careful never to agree, disagree, advice or order him. I just tried putting myself in his shoes. On occasions it was tempting to suggest a few things, but I resisted. I rephrased his concerns and often reflected his feelings in my own words. This helped me understand him better. A couple hours later he was convinced that all his needs have been understood by me.

I remember when the meeting began he was tight and rigid in his bodily posture. At the end of this first round of meeting (the third step in the process), he relaxed in the chair and felt at ease.

He was now relieved that the management heard and understood him. He was now ready for the fourth step.

During the second round of the meeting, in his presence, I presented each of the points to the other members of the management body and heard their replies. We, as a team affirmed and apologized for certain issues, clarified and reiterated our trust in him, and honestly expressed our limitations in addressing certain of his needs. During the whole exercise, Ritesh felt many misgivings were addressed.

The success of this mediation was the following day when he sent a mail to all the management members expressing his full support and cooperation for the new proposal.

Taking the initiative to understand

This way of approaching trouble issues helps us avoid getting carried away by heated emotions; instead we are able to translate all emotions to NIC language.

The key however is our honest willingness to ‘hear’ and ‘understand’ first. British actress, Emma Thompson said it well, “Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn’t listening.”

When we take the initiative to first understand, we become instruments of positive change. Instead of negative emotions draining us and sucking out our vital life force, we will feel nourished and spiritually surcharged to serve all in a better way and with a more selfless attitude.

Remember, as a spiritual leader our primary responsibility is to selflessly serve. Rather than holding grudges and feeling ‘hurt’, we have to take that extra step…to care and understand, and only then our services bear fruit.

“Who’s the saddest of all? The fish, because no one can see her tears…”

-       A couplet by Khalil Gibran, a Lebanese-American poet (1883-1934)

Have you ever been compared with someone better? How do you feel when someone questions your credibility or when your mistakes are made known to others? That’s exactly what others feel when you slight them or as a leader dismiss or ignore a team member’s sincere efforts. One of the most agonizing human pains is the sense of unworthiness; everyone wants to be encouraged, and in my social interactions and counselling sessions with others, I often hear a loud unspoken voice, “Please encourage me”

Make others feel worthy

One magic formula for effective leadership at home and work is ‘make others feel worthy’. The world recognizes exceptional talent and achievements; there are many awards and recognition in the media for them. However, although most people wish to be successful achievers, it’s certainly the appreciation for sincere efforts which is a more deeply felt human need. The need for encouragement is universal; it supersedes the desire to be popular or successful.

A spiritual leader is alert to recognize the behind-the-scenes sincerity which most people-especially those struck by the glamour bug- fail to catch. While most corporations award achievers, a spiritual leader notices those free from pretence or deceit; he honours genuineness and integrity. With this as his or her guiding light, a spiritual leader is sensitive to appreciate an upright school teacher, or honour a guileless housewife more than the media hounded stars with mere superficial, theatrical skills. A spiritual leader looks for the substance of ‘goodness’ in all, and even if it’s a mere spark, he fans it and kindles the fire of positivity in them; he affirms and makes them feel worthy.

What prevents us from encouraging others?

When we are full of ourselves; either terribly arrogant or tremendously insecure, we find it difficult to encourage and love others.

I once told an ashram leader that one of his mentees was a great singer, and I just love the prayer chants he leads in the morning. As I expressed heart-felt appreciation for his student’s musical talents, I saw the leader alarmed. “Never tell him he’s a good singer”, he gravely expressed concern, “he needs to be humble, and if you speak all good things about him, he’ll be spoiled and may get puffed up.”  I reasoned “But how will he feel encouraged?” to which the leader snubbed me; “you don’t worry about that. These boys need to be tough and disciplined, not pampered and spoiled with praise” I protested, “I agree we shouldn’t flatter them but there are certainly ways of encouraging positively; While urging him to be prayerful and humble, we can also appreciate his devotional singing and these kind words will go a long way and help him sustain his other services.” When I saw that the leader, a good friend of mine, couldn’t see merit in my proposal, I shared the sobering story told by Dr Maxwell Maltz, the author of the long-time bestseller, Pscho-Cybemetics.

‘I want to catch that tenth ball’

Once a wealthy widow hoped that her son would take over the family business. The son however chose to enter a different filed. She then approached Dr Maltz for help, requesting him to convince her son that he was making a big mistake. The doctor met the boy and searched the reasons for his decision. The son explained, “My father was hard working and honest. However he never encouraged me or praised me, and thought this way I’d grow to be self-reliant and independent. As I was growing up, he taught me   catching the ball game in our yard. The goal was to catch the ball ten straight times and I would catch the ball eight or nine times. But on the tenth throw, he’d deliberately throw the ball way over my head or on the ground in a way that I would miss it”. The young man paused and in an emotion choked voice said, “He never let me catch the tenth ball-never! And that’s why I want to get away from his business; I want to catch that tenth ball!” Dr Maltz discovered that the boy grew up feeling he could never measure up, never be perfect enough to please his father.

I told my ashram friend that as a guide he may also alienate his students if he withholds honest appreciation and only admonishes them. I helped him envision a future scenario where we lose this talented member because no one encourages him here. He may either leave or go away to another ashram with bitterness in his heart. Do we really want that? My concerns seemed to make sense to my friend; he trusted me and soon rectified his relationship with his counselee.

Let’s not be miserly; shower appreciation when it’s due and encourage all. I heard a quote, attributed to many, “I have made it a rule never to be with a person ten minutes without trying to make him happier.” If we can do this, our own hearts would be massaged a great deal; encouraging others is the best gift you can give to yourself.

“A leader has to give up to go up; and then he has to give up even more to stay up”- John Maxwell

Many imagine if they grow to be leaders they would have lot of power and freedom; you could enjoy many pleasures and rights. However spiritual leadership focusses more on our responsibilities rather than our rights; it calls upon individuals to strive to live by high ideals and strong integrity. Spiritual leadership is all about a progressive evolution of our consciousness; to graduate from a selfish, narrow minded outlook towards life to live by the standards of giving and sharing, selflessly.

The evolutionary stages of spiritual leadership is from

Enjoyment (Sensual/Passion)

↓

Education (Study/Ponder)

↓

Endure (Sacrifice/Part with)

↓

Enlightened experience (Sanctify/Purification)

Enjoyment (Sensual/Passion)

Most moderns grow up watching television and movies where the hero enjoys pleasures. Success is often equated with gratification of senses, and the focussed goal of many is uninterrupted enjoyment. Desire for sensual pleasures motivates many to work hard, take risks, and seek leadership positions.

A life centred on sensuality not only brings distress to oneself, it’s also a disservice to the team. Looking at things and objects from our point of view; how they give pleasure to our own senses and mind makes us selfish and hard hearted. This has been the major cause of unhealthy cut throat competition that pervades all aspects of our lives.

Although passion is the impetus to create, it often blinds one to the adverse consequences of one’s thoughts and actions. Sustainable leadership calls upon leaders to tap their innate goodness; to align our thoughts and actions to the correct principles.

Spiritual leadership begins with being open minded to learn about spirituality; the non-material aspect of our existence.

Education (Study/Ponder)

A culture of education and study of life’s mysteries helps one go deeper in life. One ponders on one’s goals and duties. Are we simply doomed to a robotic existence of eating, sleeping, mating and defending or is there a divine purpose to our existence? Is there more to life than my career? Do I want to die a billionaire or being somebody who has added meaning and purpose to many lives?

This personal journey requires leaders to take out time and introspect. Radhanath Swami quotes his teacher Srila Prabhupada who said, “Disturbance in life is due to want of an ultimate goal”. If we have a noble purpose in life, life, death and all the things that happen in between wouldn’t disturb us; we’d rise above our petty selfish pursuits.

One major deterrent in being introspective is the glamour media which has hooked people from all walks of life. Peter Burwash in his ‘Improving the LANDSCAPE of your life’ explains how one of America’s worst exports has been the illusions created by the world of advertising. The avalanche of commercials inflates our desires and seeks to convince us that we’d be happy only if we consume and enjoy more. Our high need for stimulation and excitement is perfectly exploited by the electronic media, and little do we realize that we are depriving ourselves of deeper levels of happiness. Seldom do we question the notion that money and success brings happiness. It never occurs to us that in societies where wealth is abundantly found, happiness can be scarcely found.

For millennia, humans have craved for more, and the modern society is expert in stirring our heart with more and more desires. But is our life meant for this, or can we seek to part with some trivial pleasures to experience something higher. This inner journey helps us explore a higher meaning to our existence.

Endure (Sacrifice/Part with)

Education and study of spiritual subjects isn’t sufficient. There is no dearth of scholars and intellectuals in this world. As Radhanath Swami says, “The world has no shortage of information but it acutely lacks transformation”

A spiritual leader is not one who is simply well read and can impress his team members with a barrage of wise sayings and philosophical musings. He goes a step further; he translates the education to action.

This simply means to shift the focus from self; from seeking self-aggrandizement to serving others.

One of the classic turnarounds in corporate history that we studied in Business school was of Chrysler Corporation, and the main factor that helped revive the company was the principle of sacrifice practised by its leader Lee Iacocca. The company started in mid-1920’s and had become a tremendous success story in the automobile industry and by mid-1940’s captured 25% share of the American automobile market. But by 1970’s the company declined rapidly and in 1978 headed for bankruptcy.

In November 1978 when Lee Iacocca was offered the leadership position of Chrysler, the company’s finances, and production and supply systems were in a major mess. Iacocca started the revival with a personal sacrifice; he reduced his own salary to one dollar a year. He then asked Chrysler’s top executives to take a 10 percent pay cut. For Chrysler to succeed, all employees, beginning with the leader Iacocca made sacrifices together. To cut the long story short, by 1982, they turned around with highest profits ever and the next year they repaid all the loans. Iacocca later shared his realization, “Leadership means setting an example. When you find yourself in a leadership position, people observe and follow your every move.”

Spiritual leadership also reminds us that sacrifice is not a one-off payment; it’s an on-going process where a cost is always involved in moving forward. For every person the nature of sacrifice could be different. But essentially as you rise in leadership, responsibilities increase and rights decrease; you lose the right to think about your own selfish desires. The higher the level of leadership people want to reach, the greater the sacrifices they will have to make.

But this isn’t painful because sacrifice by definition means giving up something for some better purpose. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something.”

Living a life of sacrifice, and enduring the ups and downs with a cheerful disposition, and being connected to a strong internal anchor helps us graduate from having knowledge to getting rich realizations and experiences.

Enlightened experience (Sanctify/Purification)

The happiness experienced at this stage is more fulfilling and deeper than the titillation of senses that we go through in passionately gratifying our senses.

When asked what the goal of life is, most people answer ‘to be happy’. But if you ask them what they think will make them happy, almost all answers focus on themselves. If we try for a change the principle of service and living for others, we will see a dramatic change in the way we feel within ourselves. A new paradigm of happiness will spring forth in the heart. Happiness derived from sense pleasures pales in comparison to this experience.

The happiest in this world don’t necessarily have the best of things, but they make something good out of whatever happens. Life is not about accumulating but becoming a person of substance. Material life with all its razzle dazzle cuts a sorry figure in front of a life centred on selfless service.

A life of giving purifies our consciousness, while passion- characterized by greed, lust and hankering for name and prestige-burns the heart with negative energy. Spiritual leaders nourish themselves with spiritual practises and meditation, and this helps them give abundantly. And in giving they get more grace. It’s a virtuous cycle of experiencing rich emotions and also adding to the spiritual wealth of others.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating…

What does it take for a spiritual community to sustain through the thick and thins, the ups and downs, of this material world? In an age characterized by rampant quarrel and hypocrisy, it’s a veritable challenge to establish and maintain a community based on spiritual principles. The Shri Shri Radha Gopinath mandir community in downtown Mumbai was established with a group of fifty to hundred devotees in 1986, and since the last twenty six years, the community has grown to more than eight thousand, including the satellite centres that have expanded in Maharashtra.

The interesting and heartening feature of this growth is that more than ninety per cent of the original members of the community are still actively practising spiritual life, and rendering services through various outreach projects initiated by the community.

Tolerance and appreciation brings unity

For relationships, both at the individual and community level, to be maintained in the long run, lot of emphasis is placed on tolerance; each member is different and emphasis is often placed on the need to tolerate and respect each other. However the most critical factor for healthy relationships is that not only we tolerate but also appreciate our differences; this appreciation brings unity in diversity.

When Radhanath Swami began the community, there was practically a war amongst the householders and the renunciants. Lot of misunderstanding and hatred was fuelled by some political elements. However, by the grace of Lord, these people moved away, unable to stand against the strong culture of community-based spiritual practises, where members lived by common commitment to spiritual sadhana, discipline and services.

Need to abandon pride

A spiritual leader works diligently to abandon pride; the process of spiritual leadership gives paramount importance to being humble. During the initial struggles of the Mumbai community what gave members hope was to see the materially wealthy Hrishikesh Mafatlal, and his driver chanting and praying together in the temple, holding hands in kirtan. This is significant because many Indians are status conscious, and Mafatlal in the late 1980s was a household name in India. Such treatment of a menial driver as one’s own friend and brother by Mafatlal filled many people’s hearts with hope; Radhanath Swami says this convinced him then that spiritual leadership has future here because the principle of humility and unity is the foundation.

Amongst the brahmacharis, the renounced order, there are many scholars and PhDs staying at the Mumbai ashram; yet, all of them respect their leader who is a simple man from the small Indian town of Belgaum. Although he isn’t a great scholar, his goodness as a practising spiritualist, his love and compassion, has been recognized and he has emerged as a natural leader of the community.

Institution v/s family

At Bhaktivedanta Hospital, one of the outreach projects of the community, the director was requested to step down and be the head of the ailing spiritual care department. Without any hesitation, he immediately relinquished his high post, and this natural humility of the leader shocked many sceptics. The highly qualified doctors serving in the hospital take lunch with the housekeepers, and thus they maintain the spirit of simplicity and unity.

The principle for any spiritual community is ‘we are not an institution but a family’; the institution is important but it has the essential service of facilitating love and trust because ultimately, we are a family. This has always been the appeal, hope and prayer of Radhanath Swami.

Harmonizing our differences to protect each other

The Mumbai community has seen so much magic in terms of projects and success, yet the foundation of all of this has been the unifying principle of humility and cooperation. Radhanath Swami often quotes the fifteenth century apostle of love of God, Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, who taught that all wealth of the whole universe is not as valuable as one sincere spiritual practitioner. Spiritual leadership implores all to not lose sight of this vision.

Radhanath Swami offers invaluable wisdom, “Material life with all its glamour has no substance. As long as we allow false ego to rise in our hearts, we stand alone in this world and the temptations and fears of this world are beyond us. Therefore we need each other and we really need to harmonize our differences; only then nothing can break us.

“In the path of spirituality alone there is beauty, for it’s real. Let our family expand to millions and billions, but let’s never compromise on the love and care for each person as a soul, part and parcel, dear to God. In this mood let’s aspire to be the servant of servant of all.”

 “Everyone may appreciate a beautiful building, but the structural engineer sees something nobody else sees, the foundation; if the foundation is faulty, the building doesn’t have much of a future…our community’s foundation has to be purity, unity, strong spiritual practises and taking Prasad (lunch) together.”

-       Radhanath Swami’s address to the leaders of the Mumbai community on January 1^st 2008

A bowman before shooting long and deep first pulls the arrow backward. He’s careful, slow and observant while pulling the string; similarly before we ‘think big’ or launch a massive effort, we need to take a few sacred steps backward, and build a foundation on certain simple, but important principles.

Don’t rush; go back to basics

It’s tempting to think big, attempt herculean tasks and speed up our efforts to expand growth and be successful. And often the success chase blinds leaders to the sacred principles; they overlook future challenges, and offer lip service to well-known but often neglected principles. Many even subordinate or worse violate ethical codes to fulfil their ambitious plans.

A Vision alone can drive us forward. However giving vision for any venture isn’t easy; it’s deep and subtle, and involves heart-felt contributions and strong commitment by all the team members. Therefore as we create a vision for any project, we first get some homework done.

Meetings and get-together- developing ‘care’

In the late 1990’s, Radhanath Swami offered a valuable suggestion to the leaders of the Bhaktivedanta hospital, “meet every fortnight for non-management purposes.” The purpose of this meeting is to develop positive relationships amongst each other, and in every meeting there would be spiritual discussions and friendly get-togethers. This spiritual bonding amongst the leaders helps them later while dealing with sensitive management issues; rich emotional deposits helps them ward of stressful withdrawals, if any, while working together.

This is the most important foundational step in vision making; by coming together, each member is endorsing the group’s common dedication to spiritual practises, and to serve each other in the spirit of being the humble servant of all.

If the leaders are united, the inevitable challenges can be faced; the different false egos can be tolerated. The higher spiritual taste that develops due to a culture of coming together gives the necessary nourishment and strength to deal with the virus of discontentment and disappointments cheerfully. Despite setbacks, members remain happy and aren’t discouraged to render service; the care received and given abundantly, keeps the community going during the thick and thin periods.

Clarifying roles – developing ‘commitment’

‘Care’ will keep the team together, but it’s ‘commitment’ that helps it move forward. The different stake holders to a project need to meet and clarify the roles each one of them would individually play. This is a critical step as when commitment and expectations are clarified, the project can move forward. Otherwise most things remain unspoken and most responsibilities unaccounted.

I knew of a congregational development programme where four different leaders had shown interest to develop the project. However since they never met and clarified roles, things remained vague; while they all spoke big and gave a lofty vision, each expected the other to carry out the critical responsibilities. The project never really took off; soon the gung-ho talks stopped, and the little enthusiasm the members had also fizzled out.

Many leaders aren’t comfortable when roles are clarified because this makes them accountable. However if our commitment to a cause is not put on paper, it’s simply a matter of time when the members would make incorrect assumptions, and carry unrealistic expectations of the others in the group.  And on the worst side, members imagine prejudices and wrongdoings, and judge others wrongly.

It’s easier to get ‘commitment’ from members when continual efforts are made to ‘care’ for them; members are fired up and want to contribute tangibly.

Having initiated the first two sacred steps of coming together and clarifying our roles, the leadership is now ready to form a statement of vision.

Forming the vision statement- developing ‘clarity’

While ‘Care’ keeps the team together and ‘Commitment’ helps it go forward, ‘Clarity’, developed through a statement of vision helps us reach the right destination.

An individual charismatic leader can inspire men and women to dedicate for a cause, project, organization, or service to a community. However the real substance of such an undertaking would be seen after the departure of the leader; the members’ ability to brave the stormy weathers over a few generations will reveal the real strength of the organization. Are you ready when Mr Time unfailingly strikes?

To sustain a community or organization, the members at the helm of the affairs need to be visionary leaders; they give the vision and commit to it.

What is the ‘Statement of Vision’ (SOV)

SOV is a paragraph or a page that contains the vision for the project/community, to help sustain the frequent challenges and to facilitate future growth.  It’s formed in consultation with all the members of the visionary team. This paragraph accurately represents the collective vision of the team, and the leaders of the project keep reverting back to the SOV whenever there is some confusion or ambiguity regarding the direction in which the project is going.

Beware of the superficiality

Steven Covey’s ‘mission statement’ was a common corporate parlance in the 1990’s after the revolutionary success of the ‘Seven habits of highly successful people’.

The phrase caught on as almost all stock market listed companies initiated the forming of the ‘statement of vision’, ‘statement of purpose’, or ‘mission statement’- all meaning the same. But many missed the essence; executives thought it was fashionable to have an attractive ‘mission statement’.

I knew a friend whose literary skills attracted his project leader to instruct him to form a ‘catchy’ mission statement. My friend reasoned there is more to a visionary statement than attractive phrases; his feeble protests however had no takers. The man who managed the project on behalf of the community wanted the mission statement ‘done quickly’. Not surprisingly, the leader’s expediency backfired; his tale of woes only multiplied each year with talented people leaving the project. Some became cynical and questioned the leader’s credibility; overall many felt dissatisfied by the superficiality of it all.

Accurate representation of all members

Each dedicated member of a team is after all an individual with his or her own unique likes and dislikes, and special idiosyncrasies. The statement of vision accurately represents the individual visions; when each member feels he or she has been represented in the vision statement, we have a team that is collectively inspired to work towards the goal.

When a new idea or proposal comes up, whether to go ahead or not would be decided by the team by keeping the SOV as a barometer for decision making. Since the SOV is the compass that directs the project leaders, the members would feel a sense of belongingness to the project.

Driving the bus forward

Thus the three sacred steps to keep a community going are:

1)    Coming together with common dedication to spiritual practises (CARE)

2)    Clarifying roles (COMMITMENT)

3)    Forming the statement of Vision (CLARITY)

The first need of the members within the community ‘bus’ is ‘Care’; this ensures they don’t fight or burn the bus down. ‘Commitment’ helps the bus move forward. And ‘Clarity’ developed through a SOV promises a tangible, exciting destination for the community members.

Spiritual leadership is not expedient or opportunistic; it believes in leaving a legacy, and when team members are united with a common spiritual goal, it’s easier to develop care, clarity, commitment and cooperation for any cause. And as challenges would surely strike, the successive generations would also be inspired and committed to keep the community healthy and united.

Leaders wish their team members remain loyal, committed and enthused to contribute more. However for most leaders, the painful truth strikes after some time; the followers leave the leader and in worst situations defy or challenge the authority, and may even sabotage or work against the former leader. What goes wrong in the leader-follower dynamics? And how can a leader- be a parent, employer, or teacher- ensure a sustained influence over his or her followers?

To better appreciate the leadership subtleties we need to examine the three levels at which leaders operate in their relationship with the followers

‘Fear’ tool- coercive power

In a desperate attempt to get compliance, a leader might resort to the ‘big stick’ or ‘fear’ approach; followers follow because they are afraid of what might happen to them if they don’t do what they are asked to do. A follower may fear that something good may be taken away from him or something bad might happen to him if he doesn’t follow the dictates of the leader. This may be expedient and may even seem to work at the time. However it’s absolutely ineffective in the long run. Very rarely you would find leaders publicly endorse this method, yet many succumb to the temptations of using force, for it gives instant results. However, the loyalty generated by using fear is superficial; when ‘no one’s looking’ or the threat is no longer present, the follower may rebel or even consciously damage the interests of the leader.

We’ve heard of instances when disgruntled employees, feeling unjust manipulation by their superiors at work force, acquiesce for some time but plot to cause trouble. In one case, an employee, on the night he left the job, deftly wrecked the operating systems and destroyed sensitive programmes, resulting in losses worth millions of dollars for the organization he just quit.

I knew a friend whose father exercised tight controls over his children and never offered a platform for honest and open communication; leave alone express and reinforce love and affection in the relationship. Few years later, as the children grew to be independent; they ignored the father and broke all connections. As he grew older, the humbled parent wished his children loved him but realized he just couldn’t draw any social mileage out of them now. They rebelled, and went their own ways.

‘Fairness’ principle- convenience based approach

In this approach, the followers follow the leader because he offers a mutually beneficial relationship. The followers have something the leader wants, like time, money, talent, and resources, and the leader has something they want, say money, promotions, security or opportunity. Each attempts to maintain their part of the bargain with the belief and desire to get their needs fulfilled from the other. Most organizations, from billion dollar corporations to a small family unit are fuelled by this utility based approach.

Through this approach, a leader replaces ‘control’ with ‘influence’. However this also has serious limitations because here relationships are fostered on individualism rather than team work and group effectiveness because each person pays attention to his own perspective, needs and desires.

As a teenager I was connected to the youth wing of a political party and noted this utility tool actively followed by the leader. Almost all who supported him had an agenda to achieve; some wanted admission in prominent colleges, others looked for more money. And he wanted young men and women to hold protest marches and campaign for his people during student elections in the university. The relationship seemed to work well as long as the promise of the leader gave hope to the students. Many however deserted the leader and his party when either their desired agenda got fulfilled or when they perceived their needs weren’t being met. The party’s ideals and values weren’t shared by the followers; they only offered lip service loyalty.

Of course this approach can help sustain relationships, whether business or personal, but only as long as there are payoffs for both parties. Unfortunately I witnessed the youth wing politics in college take an ugly turn when few followers filed cases against the leadership and eventually the court had to enforce ‘fairness’. This is the worst side of convenience based approach to leadership.

‘Servant’ principle- influence through character

Sustained, positive influence over the followers is only possible when the leader is trusted by people; when individuals perceive the leader to be honourable. If a leader’s character and vision generates deep belief and acceptance from the followers, and awakens a natural desire to be led, then leadership is truly successful. Such followers buy the goals communicated by the leader; they share the vision of the leader. Such a leader is followed not out of blind faith or robotic obedience but from wholehearted commitment, and a desire to do what the leader wants because he and his cause are believable.

How can one become such a leader? A leader with strong foundational basis of being a ‘servant’ can exercise the greatest influence. ‘Servant’ is not a popular word in academic, management or corporate circles, but spiritual leadership holds the ‘servitude’ principle as the most sacred for any relationship to meaningfully sustain and generate positive life enhancing experiences.

Almost all of us have experienced this in a relationship with a friend, teacher or a parent who selflessly served us and thus attracted our hearts to believe in them and the ideals they strived for. A leader, who truly desires to serve and has a deeply held mission that is in sync with timeless principles, attracts followers who naturally love him or her.

Some management gurus may use ‘servant’ principle as a technique for most effective leadership. Sorry!, being a servant is not a tool; it’s not a manipulative technique that you can bring into play when other techniques have failed; it’s a sacred virtue that can’t be fabricated ad hoc through some text book formulas. Sincerity cannot be faked for long. Eventually leaders reveal themselves; what a leader intrinsically is, the substance of his character is known to the follower, beyond what the leader can do for his follower. His character generates the trust and followers love him.

Radhanath Swami often gives the example of his spiritual teacher, Srila Prabhupada who served his students with deep love and care. He cooked for them, guided them tirelessly, and travelled extensively to help them in their spiritual lives, even at the advanced age of eighty. This selfless spirit of sacrifice attracted the hearts of thousands of youth who joined him and dedicated themselves to his mission. Some of his followers were from wealthy families, yet agreed to live with meagre facilities while undertaking projects for him at the remote Indian villages and challenging situations in Africa and Europe. Even forty five years after his departure, Srila Prabhupada continues to draw more dedication from his followers and is also continually inspiring more followers to join his mission of service to God and humanity.

If we dig deep, beneath the superficialities, we will find that others have the same basic needs, interests and concerns—whether physical, emotional or spiritual—as we do. Understanding and realizing this aspect of human psychology is fundamental to great leadership.

Once when Mahatma Gandhi was boarding a train, one of his footwear slipped and fell back on the railway platform. The train moved ahead before he could retrieve it. In the quick seconds that followed, Gandhi related his current misery of having single footwear to the misery of the person who would later find the other footwear on the platform. Gandhi quickly shoved the one that he had out of the moving train. The second footwear of the pair fell on the platform some distance away from the first. Now the person who would find the first could also find the second. Gandhi felt relieved. This incident exemplifies Gandhi’s ability to connect other’s feelings with his own.

Dr. Stephen Covey, whom Time magazine recognized as one of 25 most influential Americans, also stood apart in his ability to relate to the pain that most people suffered at their workplaces or at home. Putting himself in the shoes of the masses, he came out with solutions that when published became best-sellers.

‘I feel pleasure in a certain situation and pain in another. Similarly, anyone else would feel similar emotions when put into those situations.’ It sounds simple to understand, but it isn’t so. Take for example the non-vegetarian population. Most non-vegetarians are non-vegetarians because they don’t relate to the fact that the animal on their dining table underwent the same pain that they would go through if their throat were slit.

The Vedas point out this lack of empathy a symptom of tamo-guna, or the dark state of consciousness—we seem to understand other’s feelings, but we somehow fail to understand them. Most people’s consciousness is covered by darkness, to one degree or another. According to the Bhagavad Gita, the exceptions are only the ones who have attained spiritual perfection. ‘He is a perfect yogi who, by comparison to his own self, sees the true equality of all beings, in both their happiness and their distress, O Arjuna!’ (Bhagavad Gita 6.32)

Spirituality is indispensable in order to be able to connect to other’s feelings to any considerable level. Gandhi and Covey, the examples that we discussed earlier, were spiritualists in their own way. Gandhi spent a major portion of his day in his prayer room and Covey was a practicing member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Spiritual practices begin to connect you to your real self. From that dimension of reality you learn to see the equality of all beings, and their connection with the self. And from that dimension of reality you can relate the feelings of all beings to the feelings of the self. The whole process unveils in a mystical effect with progressive practice.

Close association of advanced spiritualists can help a lot; you witness the science in action. (In my case I have the good fortune of Radhanath Swami’s association) And gradually you too get habituated to see the world as they see—with empathy.

So, somehow connect to other’s feelings. Why? Firstly, we will find in doing it fulfillment of the soul’s real nature. And secondly, we will find in doing it fulfillment of our leadership roles. Because, leadership is about entering people’s hearts and people open their hearts when they feel they are understood; but you can’t give them that feel unless you are able to connect to their deepest emotions.

Leadership appears attractive; we often see leaders surrounded by fans and ‘yes’ men. But few are aware of what happens behind the scenes. Although externally smiling and basking on the glory that comes his way, a leader centred on superficial principles would be miserable; in the inner recesses of his heart, he’s busy fighting and scheming against his detractors, and will have to constantly struggle to keep his position. A leader grounded on spiritual principles however doesn’t take the adoration seriously; he knows the world could be nasty, and by the power of time, praises could turn to criticisms; glory to infamy; and in an instant, success could change to failure.

You are a ‘spiritual leader’ when you don’t take the leadership title seriously, rather the responsibilities of a leader become your mission in life. You are attached to service, and not the position or perquisites that follow the rank and laurels of a leader.

What’s wrong with the external glamour?

But one may wonder, “What’s wrong in wanting to be popular or wealthy?” There’s nothing wrong but when that becomes the sole purpose of our existence, we get attached to these external situations which by nature are temporary. Since we base our existence on these ephemeral goals, when we either lose them or are threatened by some other popular or wealthy figure, we break down.  Our extrinsic struggle for wealth, name and fame of this world has an accompanying baggage of stress induced disorders, besides the unhealthy legacy that we leave behind for the future leaders.

A spiritual leader may also have some material ambitions but he’s ‘spiritual’ because his drive doesn’t cross the line of sacred ethics and eternal principles; when you do cross that line, it’s no longer ambition; it’s simply greed. If we fail to centre our lives on unchanging principles and repeatedly deviate from them, it isn’t anymore ‘love’; it’s plain lust. And it’s not enthusiasm or passion; it’s just recklessness.

But isn’t life a struggle for existence; after all it’s ‘survival of the fittest’?

The internal struggle

In this world, even the fittest don’t survive. One of the biggest false propagandas of this world is ‘it’s a scarce world’. A spiritual leader however thrives on ‘abundance mentality’- ‘there’s enough in this world for everyone’s nourishment’. A scarcity mentality on the other hand pushes one to be a go-getter because such a person assumes there’s scarcity in this world and only a grabber shall survive. If however we cultivate an ‘abundance mentality’, while meeting our needs dutifully, we’ll be more focussed on serving others, and struggling internally to live by undying principles.

There are two kinds of struggles in this world. A popular leader opts for the ‘external’ struggle whereas a spiritual leader focuses on the ‘internal’. Winning the external struggle, by either getting the prized contract or cutting down your competitor to size does give fleeting happiness, but it’s more of a passing titillation to the senses. However the agony and pain this causes to the heart is real and lasts often a life time. On the other hand, one pursuing an internal struggle finds joy and meaningful purpose to life simply by making an attempt to align his life on revered principles. Being conscious of his dark side, he sincerely endeavours and prays to be rid of them; the actual victory over his lower nature humbles him. And in practising humility, he also finds deep contentment. This in turn helps a leader be considerate to others’ weaknesses and shortcomings.

A considerate leader then becomes popular with his team members; for everyone in this world seeks to be understood and loved. Thus a leader grounded on ‘internal’ spiritual principles also achieves the external success and popularity. But the critical difference now is by focussing on the inner journey, one achieves worldly fame as an insignificant by-product. The real success is in being a leader of substance; as the shadow of worldly recognition shines and fades, it doesn’t really matter.

“One must deliver himself with the help of his mind, and not degrade himself. The mind is the friend of the conditioned soul, and his enemy as well” – Bhagavad Gita (6.5)

Have you ever been so stressed at work that you felt your mind could explode any moment. Last minute deadlines, rushing from one meeting to another, constant travel, and a host of other stressors could take a heavy toll on our physical and mental health. Besides, on the relationships and home front, there are daily challenges and worries.  Is there a well-tested and effective method to cope with mental stress?

The 4 P’s are simple, yet effective. I have tried it and it works wonders.

Pause to breathe (pranayama)

Just breathe! Most of us are so caught up with the daily passion that we forget to breathe. Just try this for a moment. Pause, and close your eyes. Relax your muscles and inhale deeply. Then slowly exhale, and observe your breadth.  Try fifty slow breadths, and then open your eyes and you would for sure feel a world of difference. It hardly takes fifteen minutes, and if you are too hard pressed for time, you could try a shorter five minute break of twenty breadths.

The exercise helps you observe your mind’s frenzied pace; you would also realize that often you are helplessly dragged by your mind to various thoughts and activities that aren’t really important to you. ‘Pause to breathe’ slows you down physically, calms you mentally and rejuvenates you spiritually.

Pen down (your feelings, thoughts and goals)

Journal writing is a well-recognized self-help tool that also has tremendous therapeutic benefits. A book I read five years ago, ‘writing down the bones’ by Natalie Goldberg revealed the wonders of ‘free writing’. ‘Free writing’ is an exercise where you write without stopping your pen for a pre decided period of time, or a pre-determined number of pages. For example let’s say you decide to write for the next twenty minutes. As you start, initially you may feel lost and even bored. But do not stop; you could even write you are bored and want to stop. But don’t stop; just keep pushing your pen or punching the keys and soon ideas will flow, thoughts would pour out of your mind. The hazy picture would clear and at the end you will be surprised by your own writing.

On a speeding car, the scenery outside appears fast moving and you wouldn’t be able to recognize or appreciate the landscape. But if the car were to slow down, you can observe, evaluate and judge more clearly. Similarly our minds rush at a jet speed throughout the day. Often people are confused about what they really want in life; writing journals slows down the mind and you can see, introspect, evaluate and judge yourself with more clarity.

Preach to the mind

Close your eyes and talk to your mind. Sachinandan Swami, a close friend of Radhanath Swami once shared with me this amazing tool for managing your mind. A five minute sermon to the mind to cooperate with your plan of action will help you attain your goals, with a more focussed vision. Be careful not to exceed five minutes or else it wouldn’t be a happy experience; the mind could quickly drag you to lament about the past or worry about the future.

The exercise will soon reveal to us our helplessness in quelling the mind to subjugation. Repeated exercise of observing the mind helps us realize that our mind isn’t our best friend, rather it’s an enemy. Since we can’t do without the help of our active minds, we need to transform this restless enemy to a cooperative friend.  As repeated five minute exercise of preaching to the wandering mind appears futile, we’d feel helpless. And that’s when we tap ‘Prayers’- the fourth and most effective tool- for mind management.

Prayers

Now instead of talking to the mind, you talk to God. This raises our level of consciousness to a new height, and helps us see the trivial nature of most issues that bug us day in day out. Many spiritual paths advocate meditation or mantra chanting as an effective prayer tool. Through these spiritually uplifting exercises, one connects to the spiritual powerhouse called God. The energy tapped by this exercise helps us to soberly deal with our stressors.

Regular prayer sessions fill the heart with serenity and peace; a spiritual leader then realizes that prayers may not always solve problems but it certainly brings us closer to God. And as we experience that closeness, most problems appear insignificant and life appears meaningful and worth living, as an offering of sacred service.

The media is going gaga over the India under 19 cricket team’s world cup victory. For a nation that is bereft of notable achievements in any sport, being crowned as world champions in a sport that hardly a dozen countries on the planet are passionate about is a poor consolation. Indeed for the billion plus success starved Indians, any sporting success on the international scale seem to boost up their self-worth, even if it means slaughtering young talent. Now is the time to act more responsibly and maturely by nurturing our talent, rather than make demigods out of young teenagers whose life and career challenges have only just begun. The world cup victory is a sign that we have talent, and we should protect, nurture and encourage this talent.

As wild celebrations and partying engulf our consciousness, and as accolades and monetary rewards are showering upon the teenagers, the tiny but deep voice of spiritual leadership pleads them to be realistic and remain grounded. Mature leadership trains younger talent not to be swayed by the razzle- dazzle of success; it’s after all a temporary glitter.

The virtue of sobriety

Life often throws up unpleasant surprises and fortunes change overnight. If one remains sober during success, knowing this to be a part of individual growth and learning, he also remains equipoised and strong during sudden reversals and crisis. As Bishan Singh Bedi, the former Indian test captain feared, “they are at a very impressionable age, and I hope they don’t end up with swollen heads.” Success often blinds people to harsh realities and we forget that life will go on and innumerable challenges will come. At such times, when faced with occasional failure, one who is attached to success, now falters and gets depressed. His sense of identity is challenged; therefore during any success one needs to have control over his emotions, and not lose focus from
the goal.

If one remains grounded and focussed on his goals even during the fleeting, temporary successes of life, he’d for sure sail through smoothly during the rough weathers.

Encouraging talent

A critical leadership role is to train and encourage young talent. Now is the time to monitor these young world champions and encourage them as they make the painful transition from the junior to the senior level. Life at the senior level is going to get tougher and the tremendous pressure can extract a heavy toll on their consciousness. Handling failures at this level can be exasperating as the demands are much greater. Not surprisingly, may youngsters who were part of the previous two world cup winning side have
lost their way and today they do not even figure in the state teams for first- class cricket. M. Tripathi, Siddharth Kaul, Ajitesh Argal, and Gaurav Jathar are a few of the former teen stars who have now faded away when pushed into the realistic challenges at the senior level.

Serious ‘Soul searching’ for Leaders

This is the time for sports leaders to do serious soul searching; what legacy are we leaving behind for the younger generation to emulate? Are we going to honour them one day and forget them the next day or are we going to nurture them to do well in life? Even if they don’t make it into big time sports, let them lead a happy and meaningful life. After all there’s more to life than success and failure on a cricket field. However, if the youngsters are to believe that success in sports is all in all, that could cause havoc in their mental make-up; they wouldn’t be able to reconcile to the recurring challenges and obstacles in their lives.

A key responsibility of leadership at all levels is to leave a legacy of strong values; not to promote temporary, glittering success as the culmination of all our endeavours. By showering monetary rewards and gifts, the sports leadership is drawing the teenagers towards money, rather than nobler deeds at the next level. Let us not lose the young talent in the sea of wild celebrations; rather let us train and empower the younger generation to bring glory to sport, the nation and humanity by internalizing exemplary virtues and displaying proper character both on and off the field. Then the lives of both sportsmen and the leaders are successful. And that’s the legacy the leaders are expected to leave behind.

During our last semester campus placements, Mangat, a charismatic young man was the first one to grab the coveted seven figure salary; he was euphoric on getting the job that all envied. I was a little uncomfortable to see his frenzied exhibition; I felt he was going overboard in his celebrations. Sure enough when I met him six months later, he was miserable; he complained of discrimination by his superiors in office. I asked him to quit the job, and he sighed no one else was paying him as much. He couldn’t continue with the job and he also couldn’t leave it. I silently compared his previous high spirits and realized his misery now was at least twice as intense as the elation he earlier experienced.
One of the first lessons I learnt in my spiritual life was to never get so excited during happiness that you lose focus from the goal of your life. Radhanath Swami often quotes the ancient Indian scripture Bhagavad Gita (2.14) that says,
“One must tolerate the non-permanent appearance and disappearance of happiness and distress for it is like the appearance and disappearance of summer and winter seasons. The accompanying joys and sorrows arise only out of sense perception and one shouldn’t be disturbed by them.”

Fixed on the goal

Imagine you are travelling a long journey at the end of which you are to get a prized possession that you crave for. Would you be too disturbed by trivial incidents that take place on the journey; or would you be enchanted by the seat covers in the train or the colour of the ticket inspector’s uniform? None of the externals would distract you if you are aware of the benefits that would accrue at the end of the travel. Life too is a serious affair; a sacred journey of discovering the self and adding meaning and substance to life. How can we allow petty issues to swallow away our consciousness and suck the vital enthusiasm of our brief but precious life? We learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow and this is possible if we internalize positivity that transcends the inconsequential success and failures of this world. As Irving Berlin, one of the greatest song writers in American history, and who lived over hundred years, put it aptly, “Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it”

Maintaining equilibrium in loss and gain

Maintaining equilibrium in loss and gain is the key to effective leadership. A leader not affected by the swinging fortunes of this world can be focussed on his goals. Conversely, a leader focussed on his goals is also unaffected by the fleeting jubilations and sadness of this world.

How can one attain the stage of maintaining steady equilibrium in all situations of life?
By connecting to sacred principles; living by them and by seeking nourishment in the practies of these principles we can experience a peaceful steadiness. For example if we seek to make the principles of ‘integrity’ or ‘truthfulness’ as our ideals, we’d be nourished by these principles. As life treats us harshly at times, our abiding by these sacred virtues nourishes us. We also get the inner resolve and strength to face reversals that are inevitable. The Australian politician Arthur Calwell said it rightly, “It is better to be defeated on principles than to win on lies” Living by principles fills our heart with a much deeper and fulfilling level of happiness than mere titillation of senses and meagre, short-lived achievements.

One friend shared his hard earned realizations:

“I was given a congregation to take care of and I assumed we all need to expand our community and spread the message of God. I gave big targets to my team and backed it with gung-ho speeches about our missionary spirit. Although I myself worked tirelessly, in just two years, the mission fizzled out; the key team members left the community and settled outside Mumbai.  Later I discovered they had felt their needs hadn’t been addressed. They wanted more spiritual nourishment for themselves but had been pushed for expansion. They felt starved internally while I pushed them for more external growth and success. It’s painful for me to swallow the bitter pill, but it’s true, I assumed I knew their needs; I hardly tried to understand them, leave alone address their concerns.”

In the passion of wanting success, a leader could easily alienate his team members; he might impose his vision on the team and assume he knows exactly what they want. But like my ashram friend, he could be way off track. Instead of a dream fulfilled, we might be left with deep scars on a marred relationship. As actor Henry Winkler said, “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”

The more effective leaders seek to understand rather than make assumptions. The following steps help us understand our team members better

Ask questions and seek clarifications

Making assumptions can cause you trouble in your relationships. Many assume that their partners know what they are thinking. We assume they are going to do what we want, for after all they know us well. If they don’t do what we assume they should, we are hurt and sigh, “You should have known…”  A friend quipped, “When you ‘assume’, which has three parts- ass, u and me- you make an ass of you and me”.

In The four agreements Don Miguel Ruiz presents the tool of ‘ask questions’ as a practical way to save yourself from miseries caused due to making assumptions.  If you don’t understand, keep communication clear by asking questions. Unfortunately many in this world see and hear only what they want to see and hear; they dream things in their imagination. People are also fearful of asking for clarifications because that might prove their assumptions wrong.  But we should know that making assumptions is as dangerous as making bombs, one tiny mistake and you could find yourself in big trouble. And living with those wrong assumptions is more dangerous. We play the ‘blame game’ and our lives become reactionary; we send negative vibes with every act we do and every word we speak.

Choose to understand others

Ultimately it boils down to our choice; do we really want to understand others or live with our self-centeredness. People are not vicious in being self-centred; it’s just in our nature to think of our own interests first. But for any successful relationship we need to understand others, and this requires a desire and commitment to always try to see things from other person’s point of view.

When dealing with others we often don’t look beyond our own experiences. We evaluate people and situations in the context of our own position, background or circumstances. Therefore seeing the ‘other person’s perspective’ will help us understand others better

French philosopher Voltaire said it best with this story in Zadig

A country’s ruler was upset because his favourite horse was missing. The king sent soldiers throughout the land to look for it but to no avail. In desperation the king offered a great reward. Many came hoping to win it and searched for the horse, but they all failed. The horse had disappeared.

A simpleton at the king’s court sought an audience with the monarch, and told him that he could find the horse.

“You!”  exclaimed the king. “You can find my horse when all others have failed?”

“Yes sir,” answered the simpleton.

“Then do it,” said the king who had nothing to lose.

Within hours the horse was back at the palace, and the king was astounded. He immediately gave a handsome reward to the man and asked him to explain how he had found the horse when many men considered wise had failed.

“It was easy sir,” said the simpleton. “I merely asked myself, “If I was a horse, where would I go?” And putting myself in his place, I soon found him.”

Make a sacrifice

 A truly successful leader first understands the needs of his team; he then expresses his own needs. Together they chart out a plan to address these needs. If it’s not mutually feasible to address the needs, the communication is clear at the outset; expectations are clarified and adjusted, and the team moves forward without ambiguity.

An effective leader moves one step forward; he first seeks to understand and address the needs of his team members before seeking the fulfilment of his own needs. This is a major trust building step. A spiritual leader takes trust building one step higher; he is willing to make personal sacrifices to help others meet their needs. This requires a leader to internalize the principle of detachment and servitude.

A spiritual leader’s spirit of sacrifice is not whimsical; it’s based on service principle and follows four cardinal steps.

First the leader gets his own needs clarified; he’s internally aware of his interests, goals and vision.

Second he helps others to discover and clarify their own needs. Sometimes people find it difficult to find their own needs. The leader then helps them by asking the right questions; “what will make you happy in life”. This is one way of finding other’s needs when they are not sure of it. Also one could provide different alternatives to his team members to help find their needs.

Third- the spiritual leader remains detached if the team’s needs doesn’t match his own needs. Not all can share my friend’s missionary zeal. He has now learnt not to impose his needs but rather inspire others by personally practising the ‘care’ and ‘detachment’ principle.

Fourth- as a humble servant of others, he assists them in fulfilling their needs. This is a higher step than being simply detached, as this act of selfless care nourishes our own souls. Princess Diana echoed this sentiment, “Every one of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process care for ourselves.”

If we can’t reach this high standard of serving others, at least to begin with let’s understand what the needs of others are, rather than blindly make assumptions. And we don’t have to be an extraordinary soul to understand and fulfil other’s needs. One of the most influential management consultants, Peter Drucker put it brilliantly, “No institution can possibly survive if it needs geniuses or supermen to manage it. It must be organized in such a way as to be able to get along under a leadership composed of average human beings.”

Leadership therefore is not of being great or big but taking care of these small but sacred principles like ‘understanding’ others. And even average men and women with a little bit of sensitivity and intelligence can bring about dramatic transformations in everybody’s lives.

We’ve often heard the phrase ‘physician heal thyself’ meaning that doctors may have the ability to heal sickness in others but may sometimes not be willing to heal themselves. Being proud of his own knowledge and wellbeing, a doctor may ignore sound medical advice and allow his own personal disease to grow. This principle applies to leaders at all levels, especially to modern day politicians in a democratic set up. Some politicians could be nice and gentle but are they effective as National leaders is a million dollar question. They need to take some leadership lessons themselves as they lead a billion plus citizens. Without improving their own inner sense of worth, the leadership of the political class wouldn’t inspire others. As H.L. Mencken, one of the most influential American writers quipped, “looking for an honest politician is like looking for an ethical burglar.”

India, the world’s largest democracy suffers an overdose of populist measures, launched by leaders at the drop of their Gandhian hat. Besides, politicians are often seen to be corrupt, reckless and wash dirty linen in public. At such times, the politics of Manmohan Singh, the Indian Premier was lauded as ‘politics of decency’. His persistent refusal to indulge in war mongering or hurl ill names at his political adversaries has earned him respect and credibility. However BBC correspondent SoutikBiswas reveals this is history; in his recent article on Asia analysis, he reveals Mr. Singh’s government is now charged with graft and inaction. The Economist magazine has also declared, “Mr Singh has plainly run out of steam”.  It’s clear to many that Manmohan Singh’s personal decency is blended with his timidity; his nicety is now unacceptable as a substitute for inaction.  Knowing him to be a puppet in the hands of Mrs Sonia Gandhi, his decency lacks moral integrity and spiritual strength.  Thomas Jefferson’s immortal words ring in my ears, “Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of liberty”

Need for decisiveness

Leaders are expected to be decisive; a leader needs to have his own independent thinking. His being a team player is not proved by his silent confirmation to the’ big boss ’ but rather by his ability to openly share his views with others. He is willing to confront his own team members and challenge the proposals, yet remains loyal and commits to the team’s decision.

A leader’s maturity is seen by his or her willingness to confront when credibility is at stake. Most timid leaders reconcile and compromise on principles just to remain popular or to please some others who may be fulfilling their material needs. The net result of such sycophancy leadership is you land up pleasing none; your friends eventually turn to be your detractors and you cut a sorry figure. Mr Singh’s former media advisor, Harish Khare openly declared, “Manmohan Singh may not be corrupt, but he’s definitely guilty of pursuing a politics of decency and elevating reconciliation to a matter of state policy”.

Besides, feeble and vacillating leadership also brings suffering upon the very lives of those you are seeking to serve. That’s what is happening toManmohan Singh and the Indian people.

Balancing ‘courage’ and ‘consideration’

Steven Covey writes insightfully in his ‘Seven habits of highly effective people’that mature leadership has the principal characteristic of balancing courage with consideration. Most, in an attempt to keep relationships intact compromise on principles; they practise ‘consideration’ but ignore ‘courage’. There are others who are straightforward and stick to ‘truth’. However they often fail on being ‘considerate’ and lack sensitivity while leading with issues that have serious long-term consequences. A ‘courageous’ leader may take risks and challenges but by lacking ‘consideration’ loses his team members. A ‘considerate’ leader on the other hand, may keep his team, but the team doesn’t move forward. Hence one needs to balance both ‘courage’ and ‘consideration’

A spiritual leader’s decision making abilities grow from his internal conviction that he isn’t the be- all and end-all of this world. He is simply an instrument to achieve positivity and with this belief ingrained, he seeks to take bold decisions. There are no ‘ego trips’ in such decision making; the need to do good for others is stronger than self-aggrandizement.  This purity of purpose helps him naturally achieve the balance between courage and consideration.

‘PAPAD’ formula for decision making

When I am personally faced with provocative or challenging situations and am responsible for a decision, I use the PAPAD formula.

Prayers- first pray to the Lord to give you the intelligence to know what the right decision is. During this prayer session, a spiritual leader reaffirms his desire to serve and be free from any selfish agendas. This exercise keeps the motives pure, an important first step in taking decisions that especially involve dealing with other people’s lives and expectations.

Analysis- now use your own intelligence.  In the earlier step you used your heart, and now you invoke your brain.  Consider the pros and cons of the various alternatives and see how it either fits with your vision or is a deviant. Also at this stage consider other opinions, if needed. This step requires hard work and clear mind; a time to take responsibility for the decision you are about take.

Pray- Once the decision is clear and internally made, pause a moment before you make it official. Offer a prayer to the Lord, thanking Him for the help in making this decision. Then once again express your honest intent to serve rather than seek any self-serving need. Prayer at this stage, before you make an announcement of the decision, is guaranteed to keep you humble; if the decision works well you are grateful. And if the decision proves a disaster, since you have already connected to the Lord through prayers, you are peaceful despite the material failure.

Act- Now no looking back. This is the stage of decisiveness. Bob Woodward, the associate editor of The Washington Post remarked, “When you see how the President makes political or policy decisions, you see who he is. The essence of Presidency is decision making.” The essence of any leadership is same, ‘decision making’.

Don’t regret- this is the most important stage of the decision making process. Playwright and composer Jonathon Larson died young due to a wrong diagnosis by the doctor. He did receive awards, albeit posthumously and at 36, he left a poignant quote for us to reflect upon, “Forget regret or life is yours to miss.”

Growth beyond ‘Success’ and ‘failures’

Regret and fear of failure is a major stumbling block on your success course. Are you willing to take the backlash for the ‘wrong’ decision? And your willingness to humbly share the glory and give credit to others for the success of the decision will reveal the substance of your character. Most indecisive leaders can’t handle failures; they are only eager for the crown of success to decorate their heads. This attachment to success and aversion to failure prevents them from learning and growing in life.

A truly effective spiritual leader is not bogged down by the fleeting fame and criticisms of this world. He takes decisions in the larger interests, being fully aware that even if his decision is ‘wrong’ and a ‘mistake’ he himself as a person, is not a ‘mistake’. His conscience is clear and he is only too happy to serve again. After all in this decision making process, you have twice sought shelter of the Lord through prayers. This brings you closer to God and to the sacred universal principles of inner peace and harmony. And there can be no mistake on that front; your spiritual experiences are the evidence of your right intent in taking decisions.

Now the real question is will ourpolitical leaders humbly learn and lead themselves before leading one seventh of the world’s population down the ditch. Let’s ponder over the warnings given in the classic spiritual literature, SrimadBhagavatam, (7.5.31)

“As blind men guided by another blind man miss the right path and fall into the ditch, materially attached people, led by other materially attached leaders are bound by ropes of fruitive labour and continuously suffer.”

Most of us grow learning to be ambitious and get what you want at any cost. As we sing praises of individual gold medals and idolize heroes who fight for rights, somewhere we lose sight of the big picture. Some people believe they are the entire picture; the whole world revolves around their aspirations, needs and desires. Unfortunately we are rarely trained to subordinate our individual goals and feelings for a larger good.

Spiritual leadership calls for men and women to be part of something bigger than themselves. A spiritual leader understands that the goal is more important than the role.

The ‘Big’ goal and the ‘Servant’ role

Once the big picture- the vision- is clear, a spiritual leader is willing to be part of a team that aims to achieve it. Then in order to achieve the goal, he or she doesn’t mind playing any role that is needed to help achieve the goal. The role then becomes secondary; a spiritual leader is not enticed by the ego trap of wanting to be somebody important. The goal is more important; whether the ‘game’ is sports, family, business or government, the leader sees the purpose and vision, and is willing to make sacrifices to achieve it.While working sincerely towards the goal, inadvertently, the leader inspires others to also progress forward.

Nineteenth century American President, John Quincy Adams, put it remarkably, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”One such sterling example comes to my mind.

While in college I was impressed by Jimmy carter, the former US President’s dedicated services for the ‘Habitat for Humanity’, a non-profit organization aiming to eliminate poverty and homelessness from the world. Although Carter was a former President, his willingness to serve in the project, even doing something as menial as swinging a hammer to help construct a house, inspired thousands. He stayed and ate with everyone else in the team, with no airs of being the former President of one of the most powerful countries of the world. He thus inspired thousands to see the big goal of helping the poor, and many got involved.Carter was duly recognized in 2002 with the Nobel Peace Prize. A true leader thus inspires service, and extracts the best out of others. And that’s because he first internalizes the servitude principle.Max De Pree, the author of Leadership is an art, said it beautifully, “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant.”

Beware of the ‘power’ trap

Abraham Lincoln warned, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” As one gets power and leadership position, it can certainly go to a person’s head. He could easily be distracted by the comforts and facilities and lose sight of the big goal; the intoxication caused by false pride blurs the vision. The facilities are provided to increase our service; however when not focussed on the big picture, a leader gets tempted to use the facilities for one’s own gratification. Getting attached to personal comforts, and forgetting the goal is a deadly trap. Once tempted by desires for personal ambition, a leader naturally violates the sacred ‘servant’ principle. His idea of a team is a whole lot of people doing what he tells them to do. He doesn’t realize that team isn’t a bunch of people used as a tool by one individual for selfish gain. Instead of being a team builder he becomes a dictator. Ray Kroc was succinct, “None of us is more important than the rest of us.”

Remaining grounded fetches lasting rewards

A spiritual leader, on earning worldly glory and acclaim remains grounded on being the servant. He prefers to work silently towards the team’s goal. The servitude spirit founded on humility fetches far more enduring rewards than what the cheap media thrills or worldly glory can give. The Indian scripture, Atharva Veda extolls, “One, who earns leadership of the masses by working ceaselessly for people’s welfare finally realizes that he has been rewarded with many added advantages.” These benefits are the abundance of lasting joy, sought through adding meaning and worth to others’ lives, and being founded on timeless principles. To protect oneself from the negative traps of power and pride, one needs to constantly meditate on how many factors are responsible for us to function as a leader. Mia Hamm, the legendary American footballer, having scored more goals internationally than any other player, male or female, in the history of US Soccer, writes a poignant fact of life in her Go for the Goal, “I don’t score all the goals, and the ones I score are usually the product of a team effort…I don’t plan our game tactics. I don’t wash our training gear (okay, sometimes I do), and I don’t make our airline reservations. I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team. I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.” A spiritual leader constantly meditates on his/her humble position; this helps us work for the team’s goal rather than get trapped by the mental hang-ups of our own selfish roles.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. ~

A physician gave some rather whimsical advice to a patient who was an aggressive, go-getter type of businessman. Excusing himself, the businessman told the doctor what an enormous amount of work he had to do and that he had to get it done right away or else things would fall apart. He said, “I take my brief case home every night and it’s packed with work,” he said with nervous inflection.

“Why do you take work home with you at night?” the doctor asked quietly.

“I have to get it done,” he fumed.

“Can’t someone else do it, or help you with it?” asked the doctor.

“No,” the man snapped, “I am the only one who can do it. It must be done just right, and I alone can do it as it must be done, and it has to be done quickly. Everything depends upon me.”

“If I write a prescription, will you follow it?” asked the doctor.

This, believe it or not, was the prescription–His patient was recommended to take off half-day and spend that half-day in a cemetery.

In astonishment, the patient demanded, “Why should I spend a half-day in a cemetery?”

“Because,” answered the doctor, “I want you to wander around and look at the gravestones of people who are there. I want you to meditate on the fact that many of them are there because they thought even as you do, that the whole world rested on their shoulders. Meditate on the fact that when you get there, the world will still go on just the same &, as important as you are, others will be able to do the work you are now doing.”

The patient took the doctor’s prescription seriously and spent half a day in the graveyard. The graveyard experience was a deep reality check for him. He understood the quality of impermanence of his existence in this world and he contemplated deeply on his purpose of existence. For the first time, he became peaceful that there was more to life than just being caught in the spiral of work. It helped him stop fume and fret. He became more peaceful with himself and it gave him more mind space to think creatively to build a more competent & healthy organization & brought his business to a much better condition than before.

Many times we get caught in the trap of ‘only I can do this job well!’ Barring very few genuine reasons, most others stem from our endeavor to satisfy our ego condition- eg: fear of competition, fear that I might be sidelined if I don’t ‘do-it-all,’ or to be the best-in-class, to be recognized as the top performer, every-time; to show my own superiority over others, not to give the opportunity to others due to envy, to pretend busyness, to climb the ladder of success fastest, to beat all competing forces etc.

If we step apart from this maddening rigmarole and put our thinking hats on, we realize that there seems to be no end to this spiral. It seems to lure you with increasingly more success opportunities. Nothing boosts our ego condition more than achievement and honor. Inadvertently,  we only crave for more & more and in this way, we get led on.

When I was doing my management studies, I was put through a ‘deathbed experience.’ I was to visualize that I was on my deathbed and had to recount my whole life experiences, whether it was a worthy life I led, what were my regrets, what did I want to be know for, what would I like my family and friends to remember me for. It was an eye opening exercise for me and I resolved that I will not be fascinated by ‘ego boosters.’ I wanted peace and contentment than more material accumulation or success.

Studies reveal that most people on their deathbed regret not spending more time with their family and loved ones. What is most amazing is the fact that no one regrets that he/she did not spend more time in the office!

As we are caught in our self-created work trap, let’s take some time off to contemplate whether what I am doing is lending meaning to my existence or I am going round in circles. What are worthy pursuits for me? How do I achieve perfection?

Radhanath Swami reveals that the answer lies in Vedic wisdom which concludes that the perfection of human existence is to die to all material connections and designations and to perform our duties in the spirit of service to fellow human beings and most importantly to the Lord.

He further iterates the fact that the false ego makes a person think, “I am the best, therefore how I perform my job must be the best, my family must be the best, my caste must be the best, my religion must be best and everything about me must be best.” This misconception of ‘I and mine,’ is the cause of great wars all over the world today.

Relationships at all levels, family, friends or workplace yield success, joy, and fulfilment only when we live by sacred principles.  Whether you are a housewife, or a manager of a company, you are part of a performing team; the team either blossoms and marches forward, or stagnates and breaks apart, depending on whether you enshrine or violate these natural laws.

Acceptance

Each member of a team, whether it’s your teenage daughter or a senior director of a multibillion dollar enterprise, needs ‘acceptance’. Acceptance refers to the feeling of being worthy and to experience a sense of contribution and inclusion in the team. If you are a parent, you could be violating this principle when you constantly chastise and undermine your child’s academic or sporting performances. When the child feels unworthy your team has suffered a major internal blow. If you are the president of a company and have a culture of seriously considering your subordinates’ suggestions, then you follow the principle of ‘acceptance’. Even if you don’t accept everything they say or do but if they are confident that they could walk up to you and express their concerns without the fear of being misunderstood or judged, you have created a positive culture of ‘acceptance’ within your company.

Appreciation

You may have to offer a strong corrective feedback to a team member or discipline your child. ‘Acceptance’ may seem difficult at such times. You can still create goodwill and ensure positive energy flowing in your family or office if you make it a point to regularly appreciate and encourage your team members. For instance if you have in the past caught your colleagues doing the ‘right thing’ and appreciated them in public, you have made a major positive deposit in their hearts. Later if you have to correct them, do so in private. The pain of correction would soon abate due to the sincere and unreserved appreciation that you offered in the past. Make sure your deposits far exceed the ‘withdrawals’.

I have sometimes seen young exuberant team members offer suggestions that are naïve and reflect a lack of understanding of the ‘big’ picture. Certain management decisions cannot be shared with them due to the sensitive nature of issues. However if you consistently appreciate their participation although you reject their contributions, you have kept them enthused. That’s because in rejecting all of what they have said you haven’t rejected them as a person. This principle helps us separate the issue from the person; the team member feels very much connected due to the consistent, unabated flow of encouragement from the leader. Besides, a younger member can sometimes see serious chinks in the management armour which the seniors may overlook. If he is happy and encouraged, he will be inspired to be part of the solution.

Acknowledgement

In a corporate or a family unit where members are starved of ‘acceptance’ and ‘appreciation’, they reduce their demand to the bare minimum; they at least want their presence to be acknowledged.

I remember once a congregation member who had serious mental hang ups about our leadership, had written a series of hate mails to the management committee. It was difficult for us to appreciate him. But if we continued to ignore him, he could cause havoc to the community by politicking and spreading rumours.  The most sensitive approach in this case was to acknowledge all his grievances without agreeing to them or committing any actions. On behalf of the management body I met him daily for one week and noted all his concerns. He was relieved at the end for having been allowed to express his heart. Later we discussed those issues and replied to him that we had considered his remarks seriously although we couldn’t agree with them.

Considerable time and energy was spent in helping him change his prejudiced views. During this period it wasn’t prudent to ‘appreciate’ or ‘accept’ him wholeheartedly for he would have either perceived it as an attempt to manipulate him or he could have felt vindicated of his grievances. It was a serious affair but a potential disaster was averted by consistently acknowledging him. He still nurses some misgivings but fortunately he doesn’t vent it out on innocent members; he knows the leadership can take his criticisms. He continues to do service but occasionally his eccentric idiosyncrasies crop up with the management, without ruffling anyone else in the community. He doesn’t feel compelled to initiate any rebellion or build a group of disgruntled members. He is subconsciously aware that the leadership is proactive and more importantly acknowledges the issues he raises.

Alienation

If you fail on the first three principles, you can’t avoid the fourth one- ‘alienation’- from affecting your team members; they will for sure distance themselves from the family.

Few years ago an unusual problem occurred in our monastery in Mumbai; a stranger frequented our ashram premises, apparently when we were attending our morning classes. Daily, a few valuable things began to disappear, including the water tap fittings from the bathrooms. We knew a thief was sneaking in. We laid a trap but the thief was smarter; he stopped coming. As we wondered who the thief was, a young ashram member told me in confidence that he had seen this ‘thief’ probing the temple premises on a couple of occasions. I asked him why he hadn’t reported the matter to our ashram in charge. His answer shocked me; he expressed cynically that on many occasions in the past when he offered suggestions for ashram cleanliness or improving security systems, he had been snubbed and was told to mind his own business. He then felt alienated from our family and distanced himself from ashram issues. Although he was externally very much part of our ashram, his heart wasn’t there. Immediately we addressed the issue and the leader in question was confronted and made to apologize to the younger resident.

Although the young monk later overcame his negativities and grew up to be a responsible member of our community, the incident had rung loud alarm bells amongst the temple leaders; it became obvious to me that if we fail to follow the three sacred A’s, this fourth one- Alienation- is inevitable.

As spiritual leaders we do have the sacred responsibility of serving others and that requires us to first respect each of our team members, however new or ‘insignificant’ they may be. Les Giblin’s poignant remark humbles me, “You can’t make the other fellow feel important in your presence if you secretly feel that he is a nobody.”

As a responsible leader, of a family, sports team or a corporate unit, you have to decide if you are willing to live by these principles or pay a dear price for breaking them. Living by principles help build strong relationships and relationships are the sacred glue that holds team members together.

London 2012: the world’s abuzz with excitement. As fierce battles will be fought on the sporting arena; the passionate gold seekers are shedding gallons of sweat and blood for the crowning moment of glory.

Though for some an Olympic medal comes at a heavy price. Katy sexton, the thirty year old former British world champion swimmer is struggling with depression, and desperately hoping to make it into team Great Britain. In a recent interview to CNN, Katy confessed her internal battles have weakened her, “handling the pressure is tricky for me, having had a bout of depression in the last four or five years. It is now about rediscovering my confidence in competitive situations.” Her depression began soon after she won the gold in 2003 Barcelona World Championships; the pressure to perform better took its toll. “When you get to the pinnacle of your sport, as I did in becoming a world champion there isn’t much in place to help you if it all goes wrong. You deal with psychologists, but they only deal with you as an athlete rather than as a person. I beat myself up and fell deeper and deeper”. Katy sighed, “You train for four years and to fall at the last hurdle is gut-wrenching”

Ironically the spirit of Olympics that’s boldly charted, “participation is more important than winning” seems to be a consolation for all who miss the first three medals. The craving for passing glory is real, but in grabbing gold, are we losing a precious ‘diamond’?

The ‘diamond’ of human existence

Human life is precious; we are blessed with the ability to discover rich inner fulfilment through our activities, and bring joy to the lives of others. An Olympic athlete may entertain billion plus viewers in over 200 Nations, but should it be at the cost of one’s own inner harmony. Could Katy strive for gold and be joyful even if she fails?

Radhanath Swami compares our swiftly passing lives to a steadily flowing river. The bubbling waves on the surface of a river fizzle out in a moment, but the current underneath is serene and steady. Life too throws up unlimited ‘waves’ of victory, defeat, pleasures and pains. If we identify with the ‘wave happiness’, we’d be terribly disappointed as the bubble bursts. However, if we seek to go deeper in an inner quest for meaning and purpose of life, we’d be steadily flowing to our spiritual destinations, irrespective of all the inevitable ups and downs in life. It’s this anchor that not only gives us strength and shelter during troubled times; it also spreads positivity amongst those who know us. We’d then care less of losing a game, but more of winning the game of life. As the American Olympic champion, Ralph Boston said, “Being the first to cross the finish line makes you a winner in only one phase of life. It’s what you do after you cross the line that really counts.

On a practical level, Katy could translate ‘going deeper’ in life by asking a simple question: what’s the worst that could happen? Nothing really! The burden of expectation is self-imposed; the world doesn’t really care whether you win a medal or not. People are busy with their own tale of woes, and if they do criticize you, it’s often driven by something negative in their own lives, and has nothing to do with your sporting, corporate or academic performance.  Realizing that her coveted gold medal isn’t going to make a difference to the world could be disappointing to Katy, but it’s also liberating.  She could now give more than hundred per cent to explore the sheer beauty of her performance. She’s a great swimmer and she doesn’t need the world to endorse it; come out of the box of world’s opinion about you, and lead a life connecting to the divine. The accolades are fleeting; our aspirations to harmonize with the divinity within are eternal. Seneca, the great Roman dramatist of the first century, philosophised, “the great blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach; but we shut our eyes, and like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for, without finding it.”

How could one perform better and more joyfully, whether as an athlete, businessman, house wife or as a parent and not get depressed?

The magic of ‘visualization’

Before we do anything our mind starts seeing the event; how it would occur and what would be the outcome. This is ‘visualization’ and we do it all the time. Unfortunately many visualize a negative result of their task, project, game, or meeting. The negative visualization is also called ‘worry’, and creating ‘worry visuals’ in mind often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you had to walk on a log of wood that’s on the ground, it’s easy. But if it were placed on a chair it’s more difficult and if it was placed in between two buildings, you would imagine falling. However acrobats would never imagine that. That’s how ‘visualization’ works. You could visualize your performance; how you would treat your employees, how you’d take care of the house, and your behaviour and dealings with your friends. This gives you tremendous confidence when the actual event takes place, because you have already enacted the situation in your mind. Having first lived out the event positively in mind, it’s easier to translate it into reality; the pressure is off and the performance smooth.

You can take ‘visualization’ a step higher. Whether you are an athlete or a manager in a company, visualize your life ten years down the line. How would you live your life? Who would be your best friends? What values and principles you’d like to live by? What relationships really matter to you ten years from now? As you envision the future, ask how much is your present life in line with what you desire to achieve.  Will your material achievements, be they a gold medal or a billion dollars help you earn love and peace? Is becoming the most popular and respected person on planet really worth it? Would you trade your real self for the fleeting promises of this world? Remember the Italian saying, “After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box”

Keep the visualization realistic. Know that time would invade your bodily and mental faculties; you couldn’t be a sporting hero forever. Ask what really matters to you and are you living your life in accordance with these aspirations. Instead of ‘going’ through life, seek ‘growing’ through it. William Stacy, the 18^th century American war hero said, “We should give meaning to life, not wait for life to give us meaning.”

Tackling challenges in the ashram

I remember trying this exercise a few years ago when I was packed with services for over twelve hours a day, and could hardly devote quality time to my spiritual activities. As I felt dissatisfaction despite my busy work schedules, a serious confusion arose in my mind; what am I doing in life? Where am I heading to?

I took a break and wrote down an answer to the question: “What do I want to be ten years from now?”  The answer to this question was candid, notwithstanding my then lifestyle and services. As I envisioned a balanced life of service and worship of Lord, things became clearer. After the half hour exercise, I compared what I had written with what I had been presently doing in the ashram. The incongruence was obvious and appalling; the flight of my life was way off track.

Keeping the vision clearly ahead helps us manoeuvre the aircraft of our lives back on course. This adds meaningful resolve and deep contentment to our lives. We would then have earned a priceless diamond; the fleeting gold medals of this world don’t matter anymore.

He is a Governing Council Member of the N. L. Dalmia Institute of Management Studies & Research and has also served for more than a decade as a Member on the Board of Governors of one of the most reputed management institutes in India, the Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad.

He is also actively involved in charitable community development works, being a Trustee of Shri Sadguru Seva Sangh Trust, and the BAIF Development Research Foundation.

On the spiritual front, by Radhanath Swami’s inspiration, he, along with his wife Rekha and their three children, have been practicing bhakti-yoga for over twenty-three years. He has also been a key player in implementing many of Radhanath Swami’s pioneering projects including the Sri Sri Radha Gopinath Mandir, the Lady Northcote Hindu Orphanage (LNHO), and the Bhaktivedanta Hospital.

How were you introduced to spirituality? And how did you chose Radhanath Swami as your spiritual mentor?

Here was a person who perfectly exemplified the highest truths that I was hearing about in the philosophy, and his kindness and love simply bowled me and my family over completely. He was a spiritual magnet who attracted all of us. We fell in love!

Along with you, your entire family has adopted the spiritual path of bhakti-yoga taught by Radhanath Swami. How have Radhanath Swami’s teachings shaped your family life?

Radhanath Swami’s kindness extended to every member of our family, even the servants and watchmen. I had heard that deep spirituality brings an egalitarian vision by which an advanced spiritualist see everyone equally, but the way I saw this principle demonstrated in the persona of Radhanath Swami was incredible, to say the very least. And his spiritual vision rubbed on me – at least a bit of it. I started seeing my wife and daughters – my first daughter Radha was then 8, and the second Karuna Manjari had just been born – in a totally different light. Of course, it was not just my vision toward them that changed; they themselves changed too. Under Radhanath
Swami’s piercing yet loving gaze and patient caring, both my wife and daughter literally blossomed! Their rapid spiritual metamorphosis was astonishing; they started practicing mantra meditation more diligently than me and both of them started revealing higher and deeper spiritual
personality traits which I did not have but which I was listening to in Radhanath Swami’s lectures.
Slowly, I started treating my family members with more concern, rather than taking them for granted. I understood the enormous sacrifices made by my wife Radha Priya, understood the unbelievable tolerance shown by her during our 8 years of marriage towards my vices and to
subsequent poor behaviour. Radhanath Swami is an expert teacher, who teaches subtly and powerfully by demonstrating his words through his actions. He teaches in his classes how we should respect one and all – including especially our family members – as the children of God,
entrusted in our care. Although he never explicitly instructed me to amend my behavior toward my family members, but just by seeing his dealings with my family, I started respecting them.

I sincerely believe that with Radhanath Swami’s guidance, our family became much closer to each other.

How have Radhanath Swami’s teachings on spirituality affected your professional life?

Understanding that we are the co-partners with God in life – and not the sole controllers – has been a big help in my professional life. It leads to the implicit understanding that even when things apparently “go wrong”, there is still some higher plan and purpose behind it. And
this engenders the vital ability to absorb ‘bad news’ better and think rationally, rather than to panic. How one reacts to inevitable crises is a sign of how one leads one’s organization. Time and time again, I observe in my organization when leading executives, very smart and
capable—some of them drawing yearly salaries in excess of Rs 1crore—are paralyzed due of fear of some small setbacks. Successful people tend to feel that they know the formula for success, and when things don’t always go their way (which is often), they are bewildered, angry and unusually irrational.

Also Radhanath Swami’s consistent emphasis on treating everyone with sensitivity and respect, knowing that they are all the beloved children of God, has enormous practical spinoffs in the corporate world. Leading management gurus talk of EQ (emotional quotient) and empathizing with employees and customers as a way of bringing success to the organization. Unfortunately, sometimes knowledge of EQ gets used as a tool to manipulate people emotionally. But following
Radhanath Swami’s teachings naturally raises one’s EQ because when one genuinely, spiritually values others, one automatically becomes sensitive to their emotions too. This helps immensely in reaching out to the same people better, understanding their needs and being a FAIR PERSON, overall. Getting the best out of one’s employees does not mean throwing fits of rage, banging desks, firing people or demonstrating one’s power. People respond more to concern, a sense of fairness and unity of purpose than to fear and intimidation.

One of Radhanath Swami’s distinctive contributions has been his building a vibrant spiritual community comprising of over two thousand families living according to high spiritual standards of devotion and service.  Right from the starting days, you have been one of the leading counselors guiding this community in accordance with the vision of Radhanath Swami. What do you find in Radhanath Swami’s vision that has led to the success of this community – especially to its harmonizing high spiritual standards with responsible family life?

I would say the essence of his vision is love: loving relationships and loving service, to be more specific. Radhanath Swami by his kindness, humility and sacrificing nature – in short, by his love – won the hearts of the members of the community. By his loving dealings, he attracted reciprocal love from the hearts of literally hundreds of individuals – intelligent, dynamic individuals, at that. And he channeled that love to inspire them to make the lifestyle
adjustments necessary to develop virtuous qualities. He stressed that humility and tolerance were foundational for all relationships, including our relationship with God, and emphasized that sacrifice was a practical way of expressing and experiencing love. He gave disarmingly lucid explanations of the abstract philosophical difference between material and spiritual relationships: material relationship means to think what the other person can do for us and spiritual relationship means to think what we can do for the other person. And he told that the inner strength for developing these virtues would result by the practice of consistent, prioritized spiritual discipline: especially early morning mantra meditation. By imbibing these core virtues in the community, he fostered a culture of selfless service, which created a beautiful, endearing atmosphere of connectedness and belonging among members of the entire community.
Radhanath Swami’s vision for a widespread, deep-rooted spiritual community entailed that whole families needed to be included ACTIVELY in the joyous process of KC, not just the male member being active while the wife and kids had no role to play. If the Vedic culture is
misunderstood or misapplied, it can transmogrify into a tool for male chauvinism. From the time Radhanath Swami started leading the Mumbai community, he brought in respect for women by demonstrating it himself and he stopped various forms of discrimination against them.
A potential source of major disharmony in a spiritual community is the relationship between the renunciates and the householders, who are, according to the Vedic scriptures themselves, following two different lanes along the same expressway to spiritual advancement. No doubt the
Vedic culture esteems those who renounce everything of this world for the service of God, but it also values householders who strive to make God the center of their lives. A myopic, superficial vision tries to privilege one pathway over the other. Sometimes the renunciates are misunderstood to be social parasites, not doing anything productive for the world. And sometimes the householders are mistaken to be hopelessly entangled in worldly pursuits and pleasures, with little or no hope for spiritual redemption. But Radhanath Swami by his actions,
words and training countered both these pernicious misconceptions. By the high-quality training in philosophical education and devotional culture that he gave to his celibate students, it soon became obvious that they were performing an invaluable, indispensable service for the
community by demonstrating that a life of exclusive dedication to God was not an outdated utopia, but was a practical reality. And by his respectful, kind and encouraging dealings with the householders, he inspired them with the confidence that they too were performing a vital, irreplaceable service by demonstrating how spiritual principles could be practiced while responsibly caring for a family, a career and other worldly obligations. And this is where the counselor system plays a critical role. The conflict between the lofty standards taught in the scriptures and the exigencies of practical modern society need to be resolved through
expert guidance, which shows the individuals the path to gradually and surely rise on the spiritual pathway. The counselor-couple are precisely meant to be such guides, who being householders themselves can provide practical guidance on how to successfully balance regular
occupational and family obligations with important spiritual practices. Radhanath Swami personally guided the counselors, who in turn passed on that guidance to the growing community. In this way, every individual – man, woman, child – felt valued, cared, guided –
and most importantly, loved.

Can you summarize Radhanath Swami’s role in your life in a few words?

A most loving Guru, father, guide—the MOST IMPORTANT person in my life.

“I think that the good and the great are only separated by the willingness to sacrifice.”

The countless books and gurus on leadership spur us on, “dare to dream big”, “discover the leader within you”, “you are born to be a leader”… Is leadership simply about dreaming big or is there more to it than what meets the eye? Are leaders born to be glamorous or do they fight a battle within?

One of the numerous challenges that any leader has to inevitably confront is the willingness to let go something dear to his/her heart for a nobler and worthy cause. For every great deed, you have to pay a price. As the saying goes, “there are no free lunches in this world”.

If you want peace in society you may have to forsake your own peace and sacrifice your time. If you want lots of money you may have to pay the price of an unstable relationship. If you dream to be a great sportsman, you may forsake some other pleasures to discipline yourself for achieving the goal. Every successful athlete, national leader, or business magnate will assure you that he sheds gallons of sweat to reach his goal. But the bigger sacrifice is the letting go of something he hitherto held dear in his heart. And a time comes when your loyalties are tested; your coveted goal and mission is held up against your attachments. The test is to take the leap of faith and live for your cause. As Radhanath Swami often says “If a person has no cause to die for he has nothing worthy to live for”

The price of spiritual leadership

A spiritual leader struggles to live by sacred universal principles even as the world around him blatantly violates them. It isn’t easy to be honest and truthful when your colleagues in office cheat to push their way up. It is painful when you stick to honest means and discover your co-workers circumvent correct practices to get the bucks and position cheaply. A spiritualist has a cause and reporting to do on a universal scale; he is accountable to his own conscience and the voice of God within.

And what’s the final result? While a spiritual leader lives a life of integrity, his self-worth is high; his peace and contentment is for real. He isn’t threatened by the swinging markets, or raids by government officials. He isn’t stressed by corrupt and uncouth men who rush up the corporate ladder of success. His success is experienced by his deep inner happiness derived by working and living to please the Lord of his heart. However, he does have to pay a price; a firm ‘no’ to the temptations and obstacles presented by the material world. His determination to say ‘no’ to the fundamentally erroneous practices is driven by the strong ‘yes’ to adhere to spiritual principles. But nevertheless he does pay the price; his friends may reject him, his family or closed ones may ridicule him. That’s when the leap of faith takes. “Will I live by this in the face of so much opposition?” This is the real struggle of a spiritual leader, but the benefits are worth paying the price.

The cost of material success

On the other hand those who seem to break cardinal principles of honesty, integrity and truthfulness for short term riches or position eventually pay a much bigger price. Peace and happiness is lost for good despite the overabundance of pleasures at their doorstep.  Besides the legal complications that may eventually arise, they never really make it ‘big’. Breaking natural laws for achieving success is like spoiling the whole year and cramming at the last minute for the exams. You may pass the exam but you never learn the subject. Similarly you may get money by circumventing natural laws, but you never learn the lessons of life; you never grow and evolve in your relationship with the supreme. Your life is throttled by the petty pleasures and pains of this world. You thus deprive yourself of the unending spiritual bliss that could be gained by living a life centred on God and godly principles.

A life based on corporal goals is like wasting the land whole year and just at the last month of the year you plant a seed and attempt to harvest and expect a bountiful crop overnight. If you defy natural laws you will never get the crop. Similarly if you break the natural laws of universal existence; of living in harmony with the cosmos, you have to pay the price. You never make it big; you are no success although the crown of leadership sits on your head. The crowning glory of this world only drags you down faster to the material abyss.

Is spirituality utopian or for real?

A close friend of mine Ananda vrindavan dasa works in the stock market. When he decided to live by spiritual principles, his close friends ridiculed him. Even his father was unhappy at his saying ‘no’ to the promises of this world; he could earn billions if only he was prudent, even if it meant a little cheating. After all who doesn’t cheat?

Some years ago Ananda’s former business partner and friend proposed a scheme that would make them millionaires overnight. However the offer had legal discrepancies and could lead to complications later. The friend dismissed his apprehension and assured him of a fool-proof plan. With their combined financial know-how they could take this enterprise to new heights. The temptation was difficult to resist; Ananda could now prove that he could be wealthier than many of his friends. He approached Radhanath Swami’s student Devamrita Dasa who patiently heard his story but didn’t share his enthusiasm. He said, “God will provide whatever you need. You don’t need illegal money because that won’t be pleasing to Him.”

Ananda’s struggle was for real; he was caught in the sea of confusion. On one hand, the wave of his partner’s attractive offer pulled him. On the other hand a sincere spiritual leader was appealing him to refrain. After weeks of being tossed by conflicting thoughts and feelings, Ananda finally made the painful decision; he withdrew from the plan as his partner expressed shock at his ‘foolishness’. Ananda was now firm on choosing to live by the wisdom of spiritual leadership.

A year later Ananda’s erstwhile partner invited him to a business conference in a leading five-star hotel. By now he was a multi-millionaire and a business star, adored by the media. As cameras flashed and the reporters interviewed him, Ananda stood in a corner and watched his friend’s quick ascension to the hall of fame and success. At the end of the conference he called Ananda over and rebuked, “You fool; you could have had this success. It’s still not too late. My invitation is on. Trust me, I am your friend. With your intelligence, you can be twice as wealthy as me.” Ananda heard him patiently but wasn’t tempted; he was now deeply attached to a spiritual lifestyle. His earnings were sufficient to keep their family contended. His wife and son also supported his spiritual values and practices; they also abhorred the greed-impelled pursuit of wealth.  He left the meeting unruffled, yet disappointed at his inability to convince his friend to abandon his dangerous ways.

A few days later, yet another reality hit Ananda.

The headlines of all National newspapers and television channels carried the story of one of the three biggest financial scams India had ever witnessed. His former friend was now exposed in Rs 50 billion fraud, and his photograph flashed all over. He was now in jail, condemned by the media, government and police. He was charged with over a hundred serious financial crimes. As Ananda followed the news carefully, he realized how spiritual principles had saved him.

Bhagavad Gita assures the nature of happiness experienced when unhealthy passions motivate us to work. “Activities performed out of pride and impelled by greed and for the sake of gaining respect, honor and worship is said to be in the mode of passion. It is neither stable nor permanent and brings no lasting happiness” (Bhagavad Gita, 17^th chapter).

Strength to resist temptations

Ananda Vrindavan’s spiritual practices have given him the strength from within to resist temptations and take the right decisions. Besides, he learnt a valuable lesson by seeing monks at Radhanath Swami’s Mumbai ashram. “I have observed that monks in the renounced order are blissful even without having money” says Ananda Vrindavan. “In stark contrast I saw people in the stock market earning up to two hundred thousand rupees daily, yet they were miserable and needed to take sleeping pills. This convinced me that money is not the source of happiness. This realization also helped me say ‘no’ to the tempting offers of some business entrepreneurs who wanted to share fifty per cent of their profits with me if only I joined hands with their malpractices.”

Today Ananda Vrindavan is a beacon light for thousands of householders as well as monks in Mumbai. He is a living example of how by committing to live by spiritual principles, we are never the losers. He has also taught that a spiritual leader too faces tests and challenges. But the rewards are immensely benefiting; not just to the self but to the society at large. We add substance and meaning to the lives of thousands others by individually agreeing to live by spiritual principles.

As the machine of our body and mind produces ‘results’, meets ‘deadlines’ , completes ‘reports’, and achieves ‘targets’, we need to ‘pause’ and ‘oil’ our machines. Steven Covey calls this as the P/PC -Production/Production capability- balance. As our accomplishments double, we need to see the capacity of our machines to produce; as we excel in our careers, we need to take regular inventory of our consciousness.  Successful Tennis and Leadership coach Peter Burwash calls the modern obsession with career growth as ‘running every-day-athons’.  He reveals that most people today lie down at night with their brain and body still in motion. We have overworked minds and under-worked bodies. We are living in a culture where most of us are cut off from our natural rhythms. Twentieth century American monk and mystic Thomas Merton captured this essence, “Happiness is not a matter of intensity, but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”

A ‘break’ before you ‘breakdown’

A spiritual leader avoids stress induced breakdowns by regularly taking an aerial view of his life. He examines the speed as well as the direction of his life. He asks certain painful questions before it’s too late: “is this pursuit in line with my life’s mission?”; “am I compromising with the sacred principles to achieve these goals?” and “am I doing justice to my talents and meeting my deep purposes and adding value to others’ lives?” The answers to these questions are discovered when we get out of our busy schedules, spend time in a quiet place, and examine our hearts through contemplative prayer and introspection.

Some may scoff at the idea of a break from a serious, ambitious pursuit of one’s career, but it’s akin to an ambitious architect discrediting the idea of taking out time for sharpening his pencil. Yes, while you polish you may appear to be not drawing the sketches but you are simply ensuring the sustainability of the pursuit. Similarly an occasion to  break from your daily office routine may appear to be a loss of many work hours, but it simply means you can work longer, better, and happier. Besides, as you take time off and augment –‘sharpen’- your skills or seek spiritual nourishment, you may discover a new idea, a better path or a fresh insight into life. This also helps you recharge your batteries, and be more focussed in your chosen path.

The ‘Triple ‘P’ formula

Many successful leaders do press the ‘pause’ button in life and this only helps them achieve internal congruence and peace within themselves. After all what’s the use if one earns a billion bucks but is deeply discontented and disillusioned with his life. As Jesus said, “what profiteth a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?”

Many senior spiritual practitioners and teachers in Radhanath Swami’s ashram in downtown Mumbai follow the Triple ‘P’ formula- Pause, Pray and Proceed. They take an occasional break from their tight daily schedules of 14-18 hours. They spend a couple days prayerfully chanting God’s names, and absorbing in the study of devotional scriptures. This nourishes their intelligence as well the soul, and they are raring to go after the break. They come back and once again proceed with their rigorous schedules. While many marvel at their resilience, few know the secret; they take time out, press the ‘pause’ button and connect closer to God and their own souls. Keeping spiritual goal as the foundation of our lives and seeing our careers as facilitators for our spiritual existence helps us achieve tremendous balance. It helps us see our work as an offering of love to God and humanity, and hence our daily work becomes pleasurable.  Well-known American celebrity Donald Trump couldn’t have said it better, “If you’re interested in ‘balancing’ work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead make your work more pleasurable.”

Rationale of a spiritual pursuit

Peter Burwash in his ‘Becoming the master of your DASH’ offers compelling arguments to make spirituality as the foundation of our lives in order to achieve balance. He explains logically how our daily lives are lead at a rapid pace. We do everything-eating, work, talking, drive, e-mails- fast and then as we try sleeping at night we suddenly try slowing down. “Speed has invaded your personal life. You are infatuated with speed, and while your speeding train is racing down the tracks, the scenery around you is a blur”. And if some of us- especially the spiritualists- step off the train to admire the country side we feel tremendously guilty and the society also adds to our guilt. However it’s this spiritual pursuit alone that adds a semblance of sanity to our mad paced lives.

When we pause and pray to God daily, we connect to nature and the universe on a much deeper and satisfying level; this daily exercise helps us grow spiritually, and also keeps our mind peaceful. As Mother Teresa said, “my place in the universe is much more important than my place in any corporate world.”

–William Arthur Ward

People generally hover on two extremes; they either say ‘yes’ to one and all and get frustrated in the process or they out rightly dismiss all opportunities for growth by a rigid ‘no’. Both stances leave us unhappy; a ‘yes’ to all, driven by an ‘approval seeking behaviour’ isn’t sustainable. And a universal ‘no’ to proposals other than one’s own selfish driven plans, leaves no scope for spontaneity and learning- both of which bring immense fulfilment to the heart. How does a spiritual leader seek to serve positively and at the same time ensure he isn’t fired out by the pressing challenges that are made upon him daily?

Getting the foundation right

The first principle to be strongly grounded upon is the ‘attitude of servitude’. A leader lives to serve; it’s the principle of service that drives him to lead; its ‘service’ that motivates him to excel, set high standards, and add meaning to life. Recognizing our role as ‘contributors to service’, we could have a deep ‘yes’ burning inside- the ‘yes’ to serve and please all; the ‘yes’ to add value to others’ lives. It’s this deep internal ‘yes’ to servitude that also gives us the strength to say ‘no’ to other unimportant things.

Radhanath Swami assures that if we have internalized the ‘servitude’ principle, most of our worries are taken care of.

“I am for God, I am the lover of God, I am loved by God, I am the servant of God, I am the servant of the servant of God, and I am the well-wishing instrument of God’s love towards every living being, with all humility. The emergence of that realization is the greatest attainment in life.”- Radhanath Swami

How do we translate this into practical action, especially when people make unreasonable demands of us and take advantage of our giving in to all demands? I learnt this in an enlivening interaction with a friend who had a ‘yes’ as an answer to all at all times.

Translating the principle into action

Rama dasa, a close friend, was overseeing the computer department of our ashram. I was panicky as I needed a whole document printed in two hours for the management council meeting. Rama dasa humbly reminded me of the new policy that we decided upon of not to allow any printouts, however urgent they are, beyond a certain time. And I was now not entitled to this facility according to the new policy. I was desperate; I hoped he would circumvent the law for me. He sensed my urgency and assured me of help while insisting that it would be a bad example if I broke the policy. He then took the document on a pen drive and promised me that in couple hours he would get the document ready. I carried on with other duties and sure enough two hours later, Ram das was back with the printed document; I later discovered he had gone out to the market, found a good printer and got the job done in time for the meeting.

I realized how Ram das is grounded on ‘yes’ or ‘servitude’ principle while not compromising on important rules. He denied me access to the computers he was in charge of, but nevertheless since his spirit was right, he volunteered to do the job for me, albeit from another source. He could have told me a polite ‘no’ and I couldn’t have made an issue of it. He however knew the sacred virtue of being a ‘servant’ and thus he extended himself to serve; he balanced ‘yes’ and ‘no’ due to being strongly rooted on the positive attitude of servitude. No wonder I always see him happy. James Hunter worded it better than I could say in his ‘The Servant’, “Serving others breaks you free from the shackles of self-absorption that choke out the joy of living”

What I learnt in my interaction with Rama dasa is if you are deeply internally scripted to serve, then even though on certain occasions you can’t serve, your strong desire to serve helps you discover ways to brings happiness to others. Rama dasa could have done his dutiful job by refusing the printout. I couldn’t have complained. However by going that extra mile and getting the printouts while sticking to the rules, he ensured I would be grateful and obliged. Besides, in future I wouldn’t push him to make exceptions to the rules. He achieved both purposes; helped keep friendship and also preserve order and discipline. He achieved this due to his inner desire to be a servant and please all.

Most often we miss the priceless joy of ‘service’ because of our own egoistic nature to be competitive and materially successful. The Jewish Rabbi, Harold Kushner’s poignant remark sobers me up, “The purpose of life is not to win. The purpose of life is to grow and to share. When you come to look back on all that you have done in life, you will get more satisfaction from the pleasure you have brought into other people’s lives than you will from the times that you outdid and defeated them.” 

Avoiding conflict by ‘inclusive communication’

However certain situations could be more challenging where you need to out rightly say ‘no’. Yet avoiding a ‘no’ is healthier to preserve relationships. One could express the ‘no’ positively and thus make the person feel included; you say ‘yes’ to the person although the situation may call for a ‘no’.  An outright, blunt ‘no’ is an invitation for conflict.

For example if you are a parent and you are concerned that your teenage daughter not goes for the party and instead finishes her study. And when your child asks you if she could go out, you would instinctively say ‘no’ and that could be the seed of a potential conflict. Instead you could reply, “I can see you are really keen to go out and yes you can after you have finished studies and home work.” On many other occasions, you could begin your response to provocative situations by first affirming a ‘yes’ and then speaking positively about the different other priorities that you have. “I wish I could do it, it’s just that right now my priorities are these…..”, when you speak these words in a non-apologetic tone, that’s an example of inclusive communication; you have communicated a clear ‘no’ and yet not alienated the person.

The main thing is the motivation; if you are genuinely an instrument of love and have a sincere desire to serve; God gives the intelligence to speak the precise words. However if our foundational character is fundamentally flawed and marked with duplicity, no amount of communication techniques can really help. It’s the attitude that really matters. Martin Luther King (Jr) echoes these sentiments, ““Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” 

Radhanath Swami’s appeal to cultivate ‘servant’ consciousness

Following his guru Srila Prabhupada’s example, Radhanath Swami teaches his students to address each other as ‘prabhu’ which means ‘master’. A spiritualist considers himself as a servant and all others as his masters. In a recent conversation, he revealed to us the deep significance of an apparent ordinary Indian custom of folding hands, “In India, people fold their hands and say “namaskär,” which means that we bow our head down, we prostrate ourselves. It is an act of worship, is it not? And who are we bowing down to? We are bowing down to the Lord within the heart of that person. Even an insignificant ant, if we are actually conscious, we would offer respects to it in our heart, because we are identifying the presence of God and the presence of a part of God within even that ant. Wherever there is life, there is the presence of a part of God. We are offering our worship to the Lord within the heart of that person. That is the greatest respect; that is culture; to not only do it, but to also feel it”

It’s cultivating these sacred principles that help improve communication skills in the long run.

After a class I gave recently to our two thousand plus congregation, I was eager to know if the talk was good. A friend walked up to me and showered praise, “that was a brilliant talk. You are great”. Although I felt thrilled, over the last few months I had been reflecting honestly on my spiritual practises and had begun to think that there is more to life than simply craving to be praised. Although the appreciation did titillate my senses and pleasure engulfed my mind, simultaneously I felt a vacuum in the heart; although the appreciation seemed genuine it turned me off. I realized I was looking for something more. Just then another ashram friend patted me on the back and shared, “those two points you spoke about humility and making realistic prayers was timely; I had been struggling with distractions in my spiritual practises and now your class gave me hope and joy. Spiritual life doesn’t seem to be difficult after all.” As I thanked him for his appreciation, he hurriedly excused himself for a chore to attend, but not before commenting, “It is God’s grace upon you that He chose to use you today to enlighten all of us and it’s His mercy that we could hear from you”. As I came back to my room that evening I pondered on both the compliments I received from two different friends, and realized how one embellished my consciousness, and the other, although genuine, wasn’t adding meaning and purpose to my life. This also set me thinking how I should receive praise and also offer appreciation to others.

Praise as a tool to judge or manipulate

We often use praise as a tool to judge others. When we declare someone as brilliant, we are judging; although it’s a positive declaration, it is not real appreciation for what someone is or has done. On the other hand like my second friend, when we appreciate a person by making a specific observation and then expressing how we feel about the person or what he has done, and then about our own needs that were addressed by the act, we add life and meaning to the person we are appreciating. He then feels encouraged and inspired to serve. My second ashram friend saw it as God’s grace that I could deliver a relevant talk; this appreciation keeps the receiver humble and conscious of his duty to serve others. Thus while offering appreciation we express our feelings and needs that were met; and while receiving we remember God. This creates a healthy culture of appreciation that’s both joyful and life enriching.

An unfortunate practise seen in many corporate circles is when leaders use praise as a tool to manipulate their subordinates. Research may prove that compliments improve productivity but recipients of such praise work hard only initially. Once they sense the manipulation behind appreciation, their productivity drops. Besides, when people notice the lurking intent to get something out of them, they feel discouraged and negative emotions fill the heart; the purpose of appreciation is then defeated. Robin Grille, an Australian based psychologist offers penetrating analysis in his ‘Parenting for a peaceful world’, “When we praise with the intent to manipulate, it’s not appreciation but flattery.” He further explains that it’s not just adults but even children who recoil when they perceive being controlled. The use of praise doesn’t make the child feel supported. On the contrary children feel judged and evaluated when praised and eventually praise statements like ‘you are good’ alienates them.

Life enriching appreciation

Radhanath Swami’s profound wisdom on the art of giving and receiving appreciation rings in my ears: “When you praise with a fruitive mentality it is flattery and would cause havoc in the heart. When you praise as a regulative principle to clean the poison of envy in your own heart, for your own purification, you attract God’s love. Similarly when we receive appreciation we should be careful not to keep it for ourselves lest it causes us ‘indigestion’. We should deeply meditate that if it wasn’t for God’s grace all our intelligence, power, and ability would be lost. We should also appreciate the affection of the person giving us praise, knowing well that the content of the appreciation belongs to God.”

Marshall Rosenberg, the pioneer of Non Violent Communication says it beautifully that when appreciation is showered solely for the purpose of celebrating life and God’s grace upon us, and when such appreciation is devoid of any selfish intent, both parties- the one showering and the one receiving appreciation- feel fulfilled.

Napoleon Hill

“One must marry one’s feelings to one’s beliefs and ideas. That is probably the only way to achieve a measure of harmony in one’s life” – Napoleon Hill (1883-1970), American self help author

A spiritual leader does have ordinary human feelings and mood swings. But what makes him special is his life isn’t governed simply by how he feels; he lives by a purpose and even if it doesn’t feel good, but if it’s right and in line with his deeper values and mission in life, he does it. Spiritual leadership calls upon us to not blame our circumstances, or conditioning for our behaviours; instead our behaviour is a product of our own conscious choice, based on values.

A spiritual leader may have human frailties; he may also feel good when it rains or may be irritated by the traffic jam. However what makes him/her an inspiration is the refusal to allow his feelings to affect the attitude and performance. He’s determined to subordinate the ‘feelings’ and impulses to true values. The Canadian motivational speaker Brian Tracy put it succinctly, “Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance”

The common denominator of Success

Albert Gray was an official of the Prudential Insurance Company of America and had over three decades of continuous experience as a life insurance agent and instructor. During his inspirational address at the National convention in Philadelphia in 1940, he made a startling revelation based on his careful observations that he gathered during his intensive travel and study of success literature. He searched for the one common thing that all successful people share.

The common denominator of success

He reveals in his landmark lecture, ‘The common denominator of success’ that he’d grown in life thinking that hard work is the key to success. However his search revealed that hard work is certainly a requirement but not the key; he had also seen many hard working men not being successful. His thorough research led him to a profound realization, ‘the secret of success lay not only in what men did but also in what made them do it’

His realization can be summed up in one sentence, “The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don’t like to do. They don’t like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose” The burning ‘yes’ within for a deeper purpose and direction makes it possible to say ‘no’ to myriad feelings that disturb us time and again.

As various feelings swell up in the mind, a spiritual leader recognizes them to be the various birds that fly above our roofs. However the strength of his character is determined by his refusal to allow these ‘birds’ to build nests on his roof. He’s focused on the goal, and feelings don’t impede his pursuits.  As my spiritual teacher Radhanath Swami puts it, “We may have feelings and emotions but if these are founded on our misconceptions, they are simply a disturbance to our goal in life.” 

Teaching by example

Radhanath Swami was once scheduled to address two thousand Mumbaites in a youth festival. That morning he told me he was feeling sick and may not be able to give the class. The organizers of the event were nervous as the announcements and invitations to prominent people had already been made, and everyone expected Radhanath Swami to be there. Despite a high fever, he did make it to the programme and delivered a fantastic lecture, led kirtans and answered questions happily. Later at night I waited outside his room to thank him for extending himself. As I expressed gratitude, he in turn humbly thanked me for giving him a chance to serve; then he hugged me and said, “I don’t mind dying a thousand deaths if I can serve and please all of you.” That moment I realized his values were to serve and please; he often expresses the need for us to cultivate the mood of servitude. I realized then that not only he practises what he preaches, when occasions arise as on this evening, he also subordinates his feelings for a purpose he considers more important.

John-Wooden

Of course he’s emphatically clarified on many occasions that we need to care for our bodies as well and take good care of our health. That night seeing Radhanath Swami’s ability to subordinate his own feelings for that of others, I retired reflecting on basketball legend John Wooden’s words of wisdom, “Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights”.

Abraham-Lincoln

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” – Abraham Lincoln

It’s amazing how personality development and communication workshops attract many participants but seminars on character development and improving communication with our deep inner selves has few takers. The world is smitten by the popularity bug; we want accolades and worldly glory, and if someone promises it circumventing the natural laws of strong inner work, we fall for it. Short cuts to success attract us but we should know that a short cut is often the quickest way to a place you weren’t planning to go.

We wish to communicate well and get the prized contract, or improve our negotiation skills. Most successful management gurus have however emphatically declared the futility of a pursuit focussing exclusively on inter personal communication at the cost of intra personal communication. In other words we need to first be sure of what we want in life and be able to reconcile the various pushing of the mind with our discriminating intelligence. Being sure of our priorities and goals, and by cultivating the ability to internally accommodate varying, conflicting and confusing views, we can grow to successfully develop the communication skills with the external world.

Internal work for tangible success

A few years ago I read one of the most fascinating books on negotiation skills, ‘Getting to Yes’ by Roger Fisher and William Ury. The book sold millions when it was first published in 1982, and offers an effective and practical guide to negotiation and communicating skills, and is based on sound intra personal principles. As part of the Harvard Negotiation project, Ury and Fisher developed a special method ‘principled negotiation’. In the first chapter the authors expose the dangers of positional bargaining whereby we allow our egos to take over. Later they also share the BATNA principle (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement) where you do your homework well in advance before communicating with the other party. This is a method of vigorous internal exploration of all the alternatives that you could consider before a negotiation, to avoid disappointment or worse, enter into an agreement that you’d later regret. I was particularly impressed because I realized any tangible success doesn’t come easy. Lot of hard work and internalizing of principles precedes any meaningful and sustainable success in all spheres of life.

Private victory precedes Public victory

Even Steven Covey, I noted, lists the principles of empathic communication as the fifth in his list of seven habits of highly effective people. He soundly argues that private victory precedes public victory. In simple words he explains the first three habits as 1) taking full responsibility for our lives, 2) deciding what you want to do, and 3) living by it and doing it. These three habits are personal and relate to us as an individual person. It’s after these three that Covey elaborates on the next set of three habits which help us achieve public victory, and one of these is ‘seek to understand first then seek to be understood’. To be publicly successful- in all relationships with others- we need to first build the first three habits and internalize it into our character. To try smart communication skills without working on developing the character is an attempt with weak foundation and will only fetch short term results.

Strengthening the spiritual ‘digestion’

A person with a weak appetite may devour cakes and sweets only to pay a heavy price later. If the power of digestion is strong, we could take in rich foodstuffs and not get affected. Similarly every day our senses and mind takes in a lot of information about events and people in family and job areas. However if our internal ability to process these experiences through our intelligence – the digestive ability-is weak, we succumb to stress disorders. A strong intelligence founded on spiritual principles helps us develop clarity of thought and purpose; effective external communication then is a secondary need.

I can see Radhanath Swami also grounded on strong principles. He often says it’s futile if you conquer the external world but are internally devastated. He often reveals the sterling example of his close friend Jaya Pataka Swami who suffered a stroke of brain haemorrhage and was physically crippled. Although his physical movements have been strictly restricted, he’s uncomplaining and giving hope to others. His spirit of compassion and sense of humour is ever strong. Radhanath Swami offered a brilliant analysis on how his friend could cheerfully march on in his life, not allowing the externally devastating blow to discourage him in any way. “Jaya Pataka Swami is finding his joy and purpose in a place that is so much deeper than the skin, blood, and bones of his body. His anchor and strength is even deeper than the ever changing thoughts of the mind. He’s actually deriving his wealth from his soul, from his deep internal relationship with God.”

It can be thus practically seen how if you are a spiritual leader, internally connected to sacred principles, you continue to radiate positivity and influence the lives of others. You communicate strongly with the external world, even with unspoken words, for your internal communication system is strong and vibrant, founded on timeless principles.

A leader needs to be personal with his followers.

Hotel Taj

I remember some months back, I was checking into Taj, Baroda, and as soon as my car entered the porch area, the security guard opened the door and welcomed me by saying ‘Good evening  Mr Bharwani, welcome to Taj’. I was elated to hear my own name and I kept on hearing it from the staff till I entered my room.

They simply personalized their offering (from my name to the food ) to attract me, so much so I have very fond memories of my stay in that hotel and I have spoken about this to many of my friends. I have become a loyal follower of this hotel.

The leader reciprocates with the follower in a way that makes the follower feel special.

A well known industrialist of India narrated this incident. “I was with Radhanath Swami in my building and we saw somebody whom I had not seen smiling since the very first time I saw her, while that day she smiled and I saw Radhanath Swami also smiling at her. I was shocked. I revealed to him my astonishment and how I had tried in so many previous occasions but she never smiled.”

Personal Leadership

I have seen Radhanath Swami meet many people from flamboyant billionaires to simple villagers and they seem so connected with him and sometimes tears just roll down without speaking a single word.

Connecting with people personally means striking a chord with their deepest feelings and needs, which sets them free to express themselves fully. Conversations and Listening are powerful tools to connect with the follower and as we see more of the follower, the reciprocation becomes more meaningful and this attracts the follower to the leader. So much so the Gopis in the dead of the night would leave their homes to meet their eternal lover Krishna not too worried about the consequences at home. Followers will take risks and put in that extra effort if they feel their leader is personal with them.

What is the common factor amongst Apple CEO Tim Cook, Cisco CTO Padmasree Warrior, Starbucks president Michelle Gass, Founding Father of the United States Benjamin Franklin? Apart from being successful, they all attribute the most crucial factor for their success to their waking up early in the morning!

A german biologist Christoph Randler in 2010 found in his research that early risers are more likely to anticipate problems and be proactive and thereby have a productive mindset. You can not only accomplish a lot from your ‘list of things to do’ when you get up early but also you’ll find yourself breezing through the rest of the day with a sense of achievement, feeling lighter and most importantly with significantly less anxiety. When I look around, I see people on a perpetual ‘catch-up’ mode at their work places leaving hardly any time for family, friends and other meaningful pursuits in their lives. I believe this is the number 1 factor for stress in the lives of millions of people across the world today! Think about it, if you woke up 1/2 hour early everyday, you will have gained 300 extra hours in a year! A well known writer I read about regularly, said in those 300 extra hours that he gained in his life last year, he wrote 6 books, started 3 new businesses, completed an Honors degree and all this keeping his day job! That’s a lot of achievement, isn’t it? In my own life, I noticed that whenever I woke up early, my productivity was almost always higher, not just in the morning but all through the day and I also felt a significant feeling of well-being.

It is recommended by all the old sages and teachers in the yoga tradition, especially in the Bhakti or devotional schools, that if one is serious about a yoga-based lifestyle, one should be awake and performing some spiritual activity during the brahma-muhurta. The brahma-muhurta begins approximately one and a half hours before sunrise. It is generally accepted as the most auspicious time of the day to perform spiritual practices. During this time of day the world is peaceful and the influence of the modes of passion and ignorance are less thus enabling us to focus more on our spiritual practices.

In the Bhagavad-gita Lord Krsna says,

yuktahara-viharasya

yukta-cestasya karmasu

yukta-svapnavabodhasya

yogo bhavati duhkha-ha

He who is regulated in his habits of eating, sleeping, recreation and work can mitigate all material pains by practicing the yoga system.

Leading a regulated life helps us to overcome the influence of the modes of material nature and thus be situated in a position more conducive to developing a higher state of consciousness which is the means to a life of peace, unlimited happiness and fulfillment which everyone aspires for.

But I must admit, waking up early did not occur to me naturally. I’m still training myself to become a natural early riser.

The benefits are well known but the question is how do I become successful in waking up early…everyday, for the rest of my life? There are lot of articles that teach you techniques to get up early but I really like one tip from a well researched piece of information. This research shows that we sleep in cycles and an average sleep cycle (of transition, light sleep, and deep sleep) is about 90 minutes. Which means that even if you’ve enjoyed a full night’s sleep, getting out of bed can be difficult if your alarm goes off when you’re in the middle of deep sleep. So, if you want to make a more realistic attempt at getting up early, set up a wake-up time that is a multiple of 90 minutes. For eg: If you go to bed at 10pm, set your alarm for either 4.00am or 5.30am (if you need your 7 hours of sleep) instead of 5.00am or 6.00am. You may feel more refreshed at these times than if you add an extra 30 to 60 minutes of sleep because you’re getting up at the end of a sleep cycle when your body and brain are already close to wakefulness. You see that in our own experiments with sleep & waking up, sometimes you wake up feeling fully refreshed and sometimes very groggy irrespective of the number of hours of sleep is because of this very reason! This is the reason that most attempts such as trying to wake up 1/2 hour earlier than your normal time usually fails.

Steve Pavlina best known for his polyphasic sleep experiments, writes that the success mantra for early rising is to get up at the same time every day. I believe in the truth of this statement. It is also recommended in ancient Indian Vedic Scriptures that one should get up at the same time everyday. So, you have to decide what is the right time to wake up for you (consider factors such as realistic number of hours of sleep for your body type). But here comes the hard task! The alarm clock, which unfailingly goes off. Are you inspired and motivated enough to wake up right away or your mind cajoles you into stealing those 5 precious minutes of extra sleep and you wake up after two extra hours of sleep! Well, let me reassure you that this is the most common problem in the world. The proof is in a new emerging market for alarm clocks with ingenious designs to get you to wake up!

Snoozing the alarm!

If you are caught in this trap of snoozing the alarm, please know that by repeatedly doing it everyday over several years, you have conditioned the habit into your subconscious. Every time you fail to get up when your alarm goes off, it becomes ever more your default physiological response. If you want to change that behavior, you’ll need to undertake a conscious reconditioning program. How do you do that? Your willpower alone might not help you get out of the bed. Remember you have conditioned yourself to doze off and made it your default physiological response. There are other factors such as ‘brain fog’ i,e your brain isn’t yet fully conscious and alert and decisions you make in this state aren’t necessarily the ones you want to trust! Instead, you can adopt a simple techniques you learnt as a kid and replicate them! During my schooldays, I seldom used the alarm clock, I used a practice my mother taught me. Previous night, just before falling asleep, I would keep affirming my mind that I want to wake up at 4.00am and pray to the Lord to enable me to get up and lo! I would spring up from bed, dot at 4.00am!

One way that Steve Pavlina suggests that sounds interesting is to switch off the conscious mind and turn to your subconscious mind and repeat the practice of getting up, till you become skilled at it. Its called Rote memory function. Eventually your subconscious will take over and run the script on autopilot. It might sound too simplistic but you have to get up immediately after the alarm goes off, without allowing your mind to think anything at all. Cut your conscious mind out of the loop because its very easy to convince yourself of a multiplicity of reasons why you wouldn’t want to get out of the bed yet. Don’t even allow those thoughts-just get up! With practice, he says, you’ll condition a new physiological response to the sound of your alarm. When your alarm goes off, you’ll get up automatically without even thinking about it. The more you run the pattern, the stronger it will become.  Eventually it will be uncomfortable not to get up when your alarm goes off. The more you practice your wake-up ritual, the deeper you’ll ingrain this habit into your subconscious. You only have to go through the conditioning period once, then you’re set for life and it will eventually become your favorite ritual.  I particularly like this suggestion because it has worked for me, to just mindlessly get up instead of using the mind and failing to get up. Ofcourse, during these trials, in the beginning, I would feel that I am not getting enough rest (but guess what, its a psychological trap!), this phase will only last for a short time while your body adjusts to the new settings, so some naps may be necessary. But if you stay with the schedule, you will find that after a while that you will automatically wake up early without difficulty.  If you decide to adopt this schedule, it will honestly take you about two weeks to adjust to it physically, but the rewards are beyond belief.

One other factor that support early wake up that I use is eating a super light dinner e.g, a soup or a glass of milk 2 hours before sleeping or eating nothing at all. By eating a heavy meal at the end of the day you force the body to stay awake instead of giving it much needed rest and that is the reason for feeling sluggish in the day.

Finally, I would like to add that it is very easy to fall back to old bad habits unless one is consciously practicing it, every day of your life until the habit becomes natural to you. So, choose a mechanism to keep you going and motivated. I suggest practicing early wake up with a group of enthusiasts, exchanging notes and celebrating success! My prayers for your success!

Responsibility has more to it than doing an assigned job nicely. In its true sense it refers to our ability to choose our responses to challenging and provocative situations. ‘Response- Ability’ – the ability to make a choice, and respond based on correct principles, helps us grow in life.

Many grow in life following the general populace; ‘everyone does it’. Spiritual leadership however implores us to pause and ask the question, ‘do I take the responsibility for this’. In other words we ask ourselves if we are willing to pay the price for our present actions and are we willing to recognize the fact that events that occur in our lives today are a result of our own past choices. Taking this major step of accepting ‘responsibility’ empowers us to perform our work in a positive frame of consciousness. You wouldn’t moan or live a life of constant regret; instead you’d choose to be an instrument of change.

Taking serious personal responsibility

Those shirking the responsibility for their personal lives often play the blame game; they always attribute their shortcomings or failures to other causes. Hence they limit their chances of personal growth. A person of character accepts his mistakes and seeks to learn from them. Mahatma Gandhi said be the change you want to see in the world. Instead of complaining about the bad state the world and it’s billions of humans are in, a spiritual leader works to be part of the solution by first choosing to be responsible for his thoughts and actions.   Albert Einstein implored us to rise to these challenges, “Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will – his personal responsibility”

Radhanath Swami often narrates the example of his own spiritual teacher, Srila Prabhupada who from the age of seventy till the age of eighty one, performed the herculean task of travelling all over the world and spreading the message of God and love all over. He had been endeavouring for over four decades with not much material success. However instead of complaining, he chose to take serious personal responsibility for his mission, even at the risk of inconvenience and death. Radhanath Swami says purity of our intention and the choices we make is the force that can foster positive changes in the society.  “If we take any leadership position in the spirit of service and responsibility, we will prosper and be empowered individually and collectively”

Taking personal responsibility helps improve relationships

In one instance I observed closely how taking personal responsibility for our lives, thoughts and feelings in our daily life, can help us achieve success and also develop healthy inter personal relationships.

Once while counselling a young member of the ashram I noticed his agony at not getting recognition and rewards for his tireless endeavours.  While he worked hard in his services, his team leader took all the credit and glory. This junior often complained to me and asked me to inform the senior to be not so haughty and ambitious. When I asked him if I could report that he was angry with his senior, he immediately backed out. Although he wanted me to address the situation, he didn’t want to put himself in any future trouble. I could see he was avoiding taking responsibility for the pain and hurt he felt and instead wished someone else fought for his cause.  Initially I suggested he practise the principles of humility and tolerance; soon I realized the practical difficulties with this approach. It was more of psyching oneself with lofty spiritual principles while internally struggling to come to grips with the harsh reality for having a need for appreciation and success. Finally I decided to address this situation by taking shelter of the principle of ‘taking personal responsibility’.

I suggested he accept the fact that he has a need for getting recognition and rewards. His first reaction was defensive; he denied, living out an artificial assurance to himself that he was humble and didn’t need any glory. I then reasoned that if he was indeed so humble why he was disturbed and why was he complaining. After repeated prodding, finally he accepted he had a need for sharing the credit. This was a major achievement; by taking this step the young man was declaring his vulnerability and confessing his need. I then suggested he express this humbly to his team leader. And much to his surprise, the team leader was sensitive to his needs and immediately rectified himself. All the while the leader had been thinking that his subordinate was content in being in the background and not wanting any glory. When the junior confessed his need, the leader being a gentleman, was forthcoming and presented the junior as a key team player. The relationship that was breeding on silent, cold signals, now opened up with positive possibilities. They have since then been good friends. This candid relationship developed when one person chose to take the responsibility for his own feelings and needs.

Responsibility- the seed of transformation

Later the young monk grew up to be counsellor and leader himself; he learnt to recognize his own feelings, needs and desires, and accept the responsibility for change. He then offered his internal struggles to God for healing during his prayer sessions. Besides, this honest exercise helped him be sensitive to others’ needs for respect and recognition. Over a period of time the culture of honest introspection, sincere service attitude and heartfelt prayers helped him overcome his self centred needs and extend towards others more selflessly. The seed of this positive transformation lay in his willingness to take responsibility for his own inner struggles.

We are fallible mortals and have our own strengths and weaknesses. When we choose to take responsibility for our lives, we take a humble position; this humility attracts higher divine powers to bestow grace upon us and this in turn helps us grow in life, with sobriety and maturity.  The German poet and novelist Johann Goethe captured the essence, “Let everyone sweep in front of his own door and the whole world will be clean”

“Relationships are like crystals. You don’t realize how much you value it until it breaks.”

One of the most intriguing phenomenons of this world has been the relationship dynamics. Parents struggle with their rebellious children; lovers find the warmth of their togetherness changing to heated and stressful exchanges, and leaders wish their followers accept them wholeheartedly and not whine and send negative vibes of discontentment.

Observing and hearing Radhanath Swami over the last decade has convinced me about the need to internalize few principles that will help build and preserve relationships.

Don’t try to prove your point

On every small and irrelevant altercation or differences, the ego screams to declare your rightness in all that you think, feel and do. Often we try to prove our point through persistent argument, and if that fails, we resort to whimsical behaviour, sarcasm or outright skirmishes. These small unaddressed bruises eventually suck the juice out of the relationships; the other person feels ‘unloved’ and begins to distance from you.

As a leader if relationships matter to you then let go the propensity of the mind to be ‘right’. Life has more to it than being ‘right’. Radhanath Swami often says that you may be right but if the result is ‘wrong’, then your ‘right’ is ‘wrong’. I once read an interesting passage on relationships, “Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”

Shrug it off- overlook differences and idiosyncrasies

I was particularly irritated by one member of our ashram for his constant bombastic talks and ‘holier than thou’ attitude. I knew deep within that he was a nice person and meant well. However his external mannerisms clouded my intelligence and I couldn’t stand him, often avoiding him and harbouring negative feelings about him. It all changed when I got a feedback from another person about myself; I learnt that many in the ashram were piqued by what they perceived as my habit of ‘flattery’ and sycophancy of others. I was told my appreciation of others was hollow and put off many in the ashram. I was shocked because for so long I had been thinking I am a wonderful person who always likes to encourage and appreciate others. I was humbled and realized our idiosyncrasies may not have many takers.

Just as other people’s natures can be often irritating to us, we should know we too cause pain and agony to others. At such times to accept others on their intent and the inherent ‘goodness’ of their character helps us enjoy the relationship.

From ‘Analysis’ to ‘Acceptance’

Acceptance

There is only one person like you in this whole of creation, and that’s you! Each one of us is unique; also we are ‘existentially alone’ in this world. This means however hard you try there are always limitations to your ability to understand others completely, and others too can’t figure you out wholly. Your deepest, heartfelt emotions can’t be truly understood by the other. Desperate attempts to convince your friends, family or team members about how you deeply feel about something or somebody are ultimately futile. Instead of wanting others to agree with you for everything, you could instead ‘accept’ them for what they are. This would help us make bridges to the other person who’s an ‘island’ of his own.

However, if we cling to the idea ‘I need to completely figure you out’, we’d eventually land up getting frustrated. When we fail to truly understand and be understood by others, instead of building bridges we build stone walls and prevent positive, life enriching experiences with the other person. Instead if we learn to accept people for what they are, we’d be happy knowing that each one of us is unique and special; the self imposed burden of fitting others into our paradigms would be gone and instead we’d enjoy life and the uniqueness it offers as seen through the vision and experiences of others.

Leo Buscaglia, Dr Love

Leo Buscaglia, a tireless advocate of Love, also popularly known as ‘Dr. Love’ was a prolific motivational speaker, and he often said, “A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”

How can we turn what is seemingly a failure as a stepping stone to success? Here is a very illustrative story–In the early 70s, there was a man named Fred Smith who wrote a term paper as an undergraduate, wherein he presented a novel idea, a parallel system to manage the logistic system in a complex emerging business scenario. He thought it was a brilliant idea, however his idea was not appreciated much and he landed a C grade for his project. Undeterred and with great faith & conviction in his idea, Fred activated that very project into a business model and worked hard despite challenges and huge stumbling blocks to find the world’s largest express transportation company, the FedEx Corp, which today stands worth $41 billion in revenues.

Winston Churchill once said that success is going from failure to failure without losing one’s enthusiasm. We never really fail until we give up trying, trying with determination and with enthusiasm. Actually, challenges or failures can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks on the road to success. It is all a matter of how we look at it. You can see a glass is half empty or you could see the glass is half full. One would bring you enthusiasm, one would get you discouraged. We can apply that principle to every aspect of our lives. What is of real importance is that we ensure we are on a learning continuum all the time. How do we learn mostly in our lives? We learn from our mistakes, isnt it? Mistake remains a mistake only if we fail to learn from it! Real leaders make many, many mistakes, but they do not repeat them, they learn from them, they remain enthusiastic, they remain determined to achieve their goal. Actual champions are those who in every situation are focussed on their goal, they make goals, and losers make excuses. Our life is what we make of it!

When we learn from our mistakes or our failure, we become stronger, we develop greater integrity. In the vedic texts, there is description of three types of persons in performing their duties : the first one is called a ‘kanishta’, a person who does not begin any endeavor, fearful that he may fail; the second person is one who endeavors, but turns back when obstacles and failures comes on his path & he is called a ‘madyam’; and the third one is the ‘uttam’, the first class man who keeps his mind fixed on the goal, and does not turn back till he achieves it.

So, next time you are in the face of a big stumbling block or think you are heading towards failure, take heed, just know that in that failure is the seed of success and put on the garb of the ‘uttam’ i,e mind fixed on the goal.

In today’s fiercely competitive scenario, there is also a tendency to rate our success in relative terms that of others. These kinds of comparative thought processes are not only burdensome and pull you down but also have the potency to drive you away from your desired goal. The Bhagavad Gita 18th chapter describes how you can achieving your goals in the most positive manner. It says people who perform work that causes violence and pain to others are working in mode of ignorance. Such people perform their work disregarding spiritual injunctions & this kind of work will have negative bearing on the performer in the long term. Second set of people work in the mode of passion. They endeavor very hard for selfish reasons and for reasons of self-enjoyment, don’t give up easily. However, they have to bear the consequences of such work. The Bhagavad Gita recommends the third set of people who work in the mode of goodness. Such people endeavor without being discouraged or over elated by either success or failure because they are free from dualities. They work for the good of people in general and when such people succeed in fulfilling their mission, they have the most positive bearing for themselves and for others. Such people represent true builders of the society.

Ultimately, according to the Gita, the real success of life is if we can remember God at the time of death. Death is the final exam. We may succeed in so many of the temporal endeavors of this world but we should be very careful to make sure that our human life is a success and not a failure. If we not God conscious at the time of death our human life has failed. Radhanath Swami gives the formula for success–’Have your spiritual goals and orchestrate all your duties and your material obligations in harmony with that spiritual goal and you will be successful’.

When I first read the term ‘quietly effective’ in Wayne Dyer’s ‘Pulling your own strings’, I was fascinated and pondered on the need for a leader to be ‘quietly effective’. Dyer refers to ‘quietly effective’ as being focused on our inner drives based on ethics and positive values; these enhance our lives deeply even if others misunderstand or care less about our contributions. When we focus on being ‘quietly effective’ based on spiritual principles, our efforts sustain despite reversals, and we’d never lose our sense of self worth. As the famous Italian actress Sophia Loren said, “Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent but with greater inner drive, go so much further than people with vastly superior talent”

Many in leadership positions suffer when harsh reality defies fancy expectations. Many also have a strong need for being accepted and honored by the world for their achievements. Accolades inspire some to work harder while the inevitable brickbats-part of the game if you are a leader- pulls you down psychologically.  At such times if we have been internally anchored on principles, we can go on happily even if the world sings our glories one day or condemns us on another day. We would neither feel the need to blow our own trumpet nor wail in agony, seeking a shoulder to desperately cry on. We shall march on fearlessly guided by the divine power of God and the strength of our inner connection to sacred spiritual principles.

Working on ‘inner motivations’

During my initial days in the ashram I had the service of marketing our literature all over Mumbai. Initially although I did very little, my ashram mates showered profuse encouragement. Later as I spent more time on the field I developed better skills and my results doubled. Soon the appreciation and accolades doubled too. I was the cynosure of everyone’s eyes. Over a period of time however my ‘big’ results were an accepted fact. I couldn’t impress our ashram members anymore with my results. Life went on as usual, whether I got big scores or not. Slowly I began to lose the attention and appreciation I had got so addicted to. I was desperate for more honor and soon realized I wasn’t getting inspired to render this service. I began to give excuses and avoided my duties.

My mentor in the ashram was concerned at my indifference. I was getting stressed and distracted. My team leader helped me honestly evaluate my situation and soon I realized my performance was getting affected due to impure motivations. If I had focused on my service based on my spiritual need and the long term goal this was going to fulfill, I’d have happily continued the service of marketing and distribution of our literature. Soon with the help of my friend and team leader, I was once again on the field, this time focused on the long term goal of sharing the wisdom and helping sincere seekers on the spiritual path. This transition added joy and meaning to my service. Going out on the streets was no longer drudgery; I began to look forward to it. Seven years later I did get appreciation, but it wasn’t for my ‘results’ but for the ‘persistent perseverance’ despite so many challenges in the particular service that I was rendering.

The four ‘A’s’ that motivate us

A friend in the ashram revealed to me how in our immature state our work is motivated by the desire for ‘Acquisition’, ‘Accomplishment’ or ‘Appreciation’. If however we are driven by ‘Attraction’ to divine powers of goodness within and the sweetness of God and His sacred blessings upon us, this attraction will goad us to march on during all the ups and downs of life. This also helps us add value and meaning to other’s lives.

A few years ago I heard Radhanath Swami’s brilliant talk on ‘Failures as a stepping stone to Success’. He revealed that the real heroes in life aren’t necessarily sports champions, business magnates or movie stars but those who persevere in all situations to carry on the inner calling against all odds. “Actual Champions in every situation are those who are always focused on the goals. They make and achieve goals while losers make excuses. Therefore life is what we make of it” This reminds me of the American TV legend, Alan Alda, who echoes a similar mood, “Laugh at yourself if you may, but don’t ever aim your doubt at yourself”

Is stress good and can it cause joy? Sounds contradictory? We answer the question by asking is salt bad or good? Depends! You can’t have a good meal without it, and with a little too much, your feast could turn into a bad experience. Stress too is indispensable for leading a worthwhile life. Stress is an effective motivator to push us to achieve bigger and better things. However problems happen when stress begins to interfere with performance, leads to mental and physical health disorders, or melancholy and depression. The challenge lies in discovering exactly how much stress- the salt of life- we could take into our individual lives; how can we help channelize potentially stressful situations into happy and refreshing experiences.

Defining stress

Richard Lazarus, one of the most influential American psychologists defined stress as, “Stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize” When we feel a certain situation is manageable, we feel little or no stress. However when we are unable to handle the demands put on us, stress turns into a negative experience.

Spiritual leadership offers a sagacious insight; in life we can’t avoid situations where we are constrained by lack of adequate personal and social resources.  Life often throws up unpleasant experiences, and we feel helpless in mobilizing external help to cope with the internal barrage of negativities. Spiritual leadership thus calls upon deeper and foundational tools to cope with stress. A spiritually astute leader has a two pronged strategy to cope with the harmful stressors of life.

Discovering the ‘Purpose’ of life

The first step lies in figuring out ‘why am I doing what I am doing’. Most often we are busy in life without knowing if what we are doing corresponds with our innermost values and purposes. Imagine flying on a plane where the pilot announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board. We are flying at 700 miles per hour but we don’t know our destination.” Well, our lives aren’t much different. We are busy and to drown our sorrows, we get busier. However the solution to recurring and compounding stress levels is to ask the apparently uncomfortable but critical question, “what really is the purpose of my life and how do my present activities and thoughts align to this purpose?” The answer to this question empowers us to not only achieve effective results, but also keeps us happy. As Gandhi said there is more to life than simply increasing its speed. However a note of caution: if our goals are corporal and purely selfish, we aren’t really leading a fulfilling life. To discover meaningful goals we could ask a simple question to ourselves: “if I were to die now what would I like my friends and relatives to speak during the memorial service”? Most seek to be remembered as a caring, helpful, empathic friend. However on closely inspecting our present pursuits, a painful realization dawns that I am not really giving time to do those things that I would like to achieve by the end of my life. Immediately charting the plane of our lives back on track empowers and infuses us with enthusiasm and joy.

Radhanath Swami offers a penetrating insight into the need for discovering a meaningful purpose of life, “Despite the most sophisticated processes of learning, leadership today focuses on transient goals; all of our affection is reposed on fleeting things and meaningless pursuits. We can begin to make a positive change by a simple evaluation; whatever I do, is it on the basis of my feeling good or is it good for service to God and others.” Radhanath Swami also appeals to his audiences that as humans we have been endowed with special facilities that animals lack; we can enquire into the deeper mysteries of life, and know our true purpose and thereby rise beyond the basic bodily struggles of eating, sleeping, mating and defending. As we add deeper purpose to our lives first, we can also add meaning and substance to the lives of people around us.

Tapping the prayer/meditation tool

Daily prayerful/meditation sessions renews us and keeps us connected to our purposes and values in life. Besides helping us recharge our batteries, prayers also help one find inner peace. In the passion of achieving things, we often neglect this sacred act that reconnects us to our innate goodness. Since there are no shortcuts, one needs to invest time at prayers, but fortunately prayers offer rich dividends. Especially as our lives get more stressful, we could find a rich source of power in a meaningful prayer session. Martin Luther said, “I have so much to do today, I’ll need to spend another hour on my knees.” Giving quality time to connect to the divinity within releases immense positive energy and multiplies our capacities.

A life centred on prayer and service also helps a leader settle problems and issues that internally conflict. Once that is done, you feel a sense of inner balance and clarity. Then it becomes easier to address issues outside of us; a sustained mood of serenity and peace amidst external pressures flows naturally.  As the famous Mormon leader David o McKay said, “The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.” It’s these deep burning issues that we have to first address, or at least simultaneously deal with as we are handling work and family related stress. My personal favourite is the American Theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr’s prayer, ““God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Radhanath Swami assures us that daily prayer sessions empower us to be proficient swimmers in the ocean of this world. We could then also help others from drowning. But real help begins with self help. A balanced and mature leader, at peace within, alone can be truly effective in leading his team.

“In happiness or distress, honour or dishonour, pleasure or pain, success or failure, victory and defeat, heat or cold, health or disease, we can pray from our hearts. We can chant the names of the Lord from our hearts, sometimes crying out for help when we are in distress and sometimes in deep gratitude when things are very nice but we should know all situations in life are temporary and wouldn’t last for long. So we should be ready to connect to the eternal.” – Radhanath Swami

Sustainable leadership calls for emotional fortitude of the leader. A leader’s emotional stability is revealed by his or her ability to face setbacks and failures cheerfully, and by his or her character to handle success and victory justly, with humility and consideration. While focussing on achieving success, a spiritual leader (a leader who’s guided by spiritual principles) is aware that in the ultimate analysis, things, people and situations are not in his or her control. Although it’s easier said than done—because the false ego convinces us that we can get what we want when we want—it’s  this mature awareness alone that keeps the leader sober as he or she works hard to achieve success in life.

A spiritual leader has the internal strength to accept the harsh realities of this world; such a leader’s inner contemplation on life and the spiritually directed intelligence helps him or her look at life beyond one’s own sense of existence; this also keeps the spiritual leader emotionally balanced and happy.

Succumbing to leadership pitfalls

Most people in leadership positions succumb to the inescapable stress that is part of the leadership package. The occasional inability to get everything done just the way you’ve planned is also an unavoidable reality; it’s the other side of the leadership coin that seeks excellence. On facing failures, immature leaders get frustrated that shows in their physical and emotional health, and on getting success drift to the other extreme; they float on the waves of pride, and dangerously drift away from sacred principles. Some even justify bestial gratification as the reward and rights of assuming leadership services; such leaders’ assertion changes to aggression, and instead of commanding respect they demand it.

On either extremes, a leader becomes victim of ‘false ego’ or a ‘false sense of identity’ whereby one is deeply rooted in the belief that he or she is the Lord and master rather than a servant; everything is meant for his or her pleasure rather than to be used in service of others, and all are to toe his or her line of thought rather than being special and uniquely gifted individuals. The ego after all has a voracious appetite; the more you feed it the hungrier it gets.

Such leaders alienate themselves from people as well as from divine powers of goodness that can potentially offer us nourishment and fulfilment through leadership responsibilities.  Unfortunately for many, the leadership positions blind them from the real self that finds joy and fulfilment in service.

Egoistic beliefs cause the real damage

Dr. Albert Ellis revealed this in his pioneering work on Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (R.E.B.T).  In the 1950’s Ellis created a form of psychotherapy and a philosophy of living called the R.E.B.T whereby he postulated that emotional instabilities are caused less by the events occurring in our lives and more by our beliefs, philosophy  and value systems. He confessed that his works were based on the principles revealed by the Greek philosopher Epictetus who said in the first century A.D, “Men are disturbed not by things but by the views which they take of them.” An example may illustrate the principle better:

Alex is sincere and hard working. However during the annual performance appraisal, his boss reports he’s been insincere and spaced out. Besides, Alex discovers a big promotion that was coming his way has been offered to his colleague, a sycophant associate of his boss. Alex is emotionally devastated; he feels intense anger at his boss. On a more closer, honest and unbiased inspection you realize his anger isn’t caused by his boss but more by his own belief systems. He’s been always meditating on his boss being partial; a ‘mean demon’, and a ‘vicious politician’. It’s these beliefs that cause anger to swell in Alex’s mind. If however Alex had cultivated a different belief system–let’s say he was always conscious of his needs for more money and a better career prospect– he’d now be experiencing the primary emotion of anxiety. Likewise if Alex was focussed on living with integrity and spiritual values, he’d address the issue without losing control of his emotions while also quietly searching for another job. Albert Ellis observed that in between the events that occur in our lives and our emotional reactions there are ‘beliefs’ that trigger off the various emotions.

The three basic musts

One of the main pillars of his theory has been that people succumb to emotional breakdowns and depressions or reveal erratic behavioural patterns due to common irrational beliefs which he calls as ‘The three basic musts’. Each of the three beliefs contains an egoistic conception of reality:

1. I must do well and win the approval of others for my performances or else I am no good.
2. Other people must treat me considerately, fairly and kindly, and in exactly the way I want them to treat me. If they don’t, they are no good and they deserve to be condemned and punished.
3. I must get what I want, when I want it; and I must not get what I don’t want. It’s terrible if I don’t get what I want, and I can’t stand it.

He declares that our unhappy conditions are caused mainly by our holding on to these inflexible beliefs. We have no choice but to work hard at changing our beliefs through ‘practise practise practise’. Through his well acclaimed teachings he explained that emotionally healthy human beings develop an acceptance of reality, even if it’s unfortunate and unpleasant.

Servitude leadership and the platform of Real ego

Radhanath Swami, speaking on the basis of timeless Vedic books of wisdom echoes the same message: our strong rooted egoistic misconceptions cause us the greatest amount of misery. “The false ego is so fastidious that it’s right there to victimize us; you do something nice and then the ego says you are a great soul, better than all others.”  To overcome this diseased mentality Radhanath Swami offers a healthy solution, “You may be a big leader but it’s better to go and wash some pots, and sweep the floor. But remember even a pauper is proud of his penny.”

Radhanath Swami professes and practises the principles of servitude leadership where a leader’s sense of identity is focussed on being the servant of his people rather than the boss. He often quotes the Bhagavad Gita which says that while all works are done by the power and energy of the material nature, due to the delusion of ego people assume themselves to be the doer.

I vividly remember my first meeting with Radhanath Swami in his little room in Mumbai. We were a group of ten new members to join the monastery. Our team leader introduced each one of us and as we shared our experiences, Radhanath Swami happily heard us, inspiring and encouraging us to serve better. One of the new entrants into the ashram was very enthusiastic and had often heard Radhanath Swami speak in his lectures that one must cultivate the mood of humble and menial selfless service. This was the first time he was meeting his teacher, Radhanath Swami and therefore thought of pleasing him with his services. Happily he announced, “I am cleaning the toilets in the ashram daily.” Radhanath Swami’s replied in a low voice, “Well, please remember that one can be proud of even cleaning the toilets.” That burst the bubble; we were doing menial services but our egos were still swelling.  Later we quietly left the room reflecting on how we’ve to be conscientious and honest in checking this negative tendency in our hearts to think of ourselves as great and special. We had realized that although we may be serving, the ego wants to take glory for the self. An old proverb that I often heard in childhood said it’s the nature of the ego to take and the nature of the spirit to share.

I now understand that for me to be an effective leader, I need to transcend the barriers imposed by the ego. This essentially means going beyond my own attachments to always being the best and right in all assumptions about this universe and beyond. Also I need to work on overcoming my super sensitivity to receiving any feedback or suggestions for improvement. I reflect on the words of the American cartoonist Aaron McGruder, “When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws. Learn from them for I’ll then have no ego to injure.”

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While studying Organizational Behaviour during the first semester of our M.B.A class, I was impressed by Frederick Herzberg’s motivational theory; I particularly noted his conclusion that money is not as much a motivator as achievement and appreciation. He had observed in his research that ‘respect for me as a person’ is the top motivating factor at any stage of life. Research studies over decades have repeatedly shown that money is usually fourth or fifth when it comes to motivating employees. The top motivators have been challenging work, appreciation, and a feeling of sense of worth and accomplishment.

Limitations of financial incentives

Yet ironically enough most managers repeatedly list money as number one factor that they believe motivates people. A good pay packet certainly is needed, for ‘if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys’.  Good money may help an employee report to work but it won’t motivate him to go beyond the ordinary into the extraordinary realm of performance. After all ‘you can pay people to perform but you can’t pay them to excel’.

A spiritual leader (a leader guided by spiritual principles) is aware that resorting to financial incentives is like bribing the team members; it makes people feel they are being manipulated and increases their consciousness of ‘what’s in it for me’; the whole purpose of the leader to motivate is then defeated. Canadian management guru, Jim Clemmer noted, “Money doesn’t provide deeper meaning and inspiration for a bigger cause and purpose.”

‘Intrinsic’ and ‘Extrinsic’ motivators

A close friend I knew in college embraced spiritual principles as his guiding light. The meditation practices and study of scriptures helped him discover internal peace and happiness. Slowly he volunteered to offer services to our community in Mumbai, and then took up a job with our projects. The salary now was lesser than what his previous employer paid but he confessed the ‘intrinsic’ rewards here were higher, and the cause was worthy, and fulfilling.

There are ‘intrinsic’ and ‘extrinsic’ motivators at work. The former is the inner drive of the individual and refers to the interest and enjoyment he experiences by the act itself.  The latter refers to motivation coming from outside of the person like money, grades or other fringe benefits. A spiritual leader isn’t attracted by a routine ‘job’; rather his work is congruent with his sacred inner values and the timeless principles revealed by the wisdom of holy books and saints.

While a spiritual leader personally focuses on ‘intrinsic’ rewards at his work place and home, he’s careful to use ‘extrinsic’ motivators with his team members; he judiciously uses recognition and praise, but with the intention of making his team members feel good about themselves. As people bathe in the warmth of appreciation and a feeling of sense of self worth, they feel inspired to also go deeper in life and seek ‘intrinsic’ rewards for their pursuits.

Motivated by spiritual principles

As a leader if your cause is weak and purely material, you can only offer money to get people to cooperate. Since the team members find the work unfulfilling, they’d prefer some other work, and therefore demand more money to continue working for your ‘meaningless’ purpose. However if a leader’s purpose is deep and coupled with motivating with love and appreciation, we get team members to give in more than hundred percent.

In Mumbai, the community members have been performing an annual drama festival since 1994. Over three hundred members come together in four to five groups and practice a drama on some devotional or scriptural theme. The practice lasts over three months and on two fixed days, in a packed auditorium, the groups perform for the pleasure of all the other community members and guests. Although the performance blends devotion with professionalism-high tech visual effects and well researched props add up to the show- it’s a one off performance; the show is neither repeated nor are the members remunerated monetarily. That’s quite a level of detachment by the artists considering the huge effort, time and money invested in the shows; all those involved in the dramas- from the director to the spot boys- are professionals working outside to make a living. Yet they leave no stone unturned to dish out a breathtaking performance each year, most often bettering their own previous year’s rendition. The driving force behind these shows is the camaraderie spirit amongst the members; the community comes together as one big family. Later the spirit of love and sacrifice imbibed in the dramas translates into cooperation on the various social initiatives of the community.

Rewarding with appreciation

However the best part of the drama festival comes later one evening when all the actors and workers of the four shows get together for a celebration. During this get together Radhanath Swami personally hears the realizations and experiences of many of the participants; he then appreciates the team spirit and inspires them to be united. One striking feature that I noticed in all these post drama meetings is that the appreciation showered is not just for the big performances; even the small and apparently insignificant incidents are highlighted. For instance in one such meeting, I heard Radhanath Swami appreciate how some women who had worked hard for their show on the first evening could have relaxed and enjoyed the performance of the other groups the next evening. However they preferred to be on the back stage the next day and help the other groups get their show in order. They sacrificed their enjoyment so that the other groups could perform well.

William James, the leading American psychologist of the nineteenth century observed that the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. By genuinely appreciating and recognizing incidents such as these, all the members get fired up for the next challenging project or services to the community.

Radhanath Swami has shown by his example that when you recognize sincerity and reward the spirit of service, the members are more inspired. He often quotes Mother Teresa who said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread” However it needs to be clarified that the spiritual method of encouragement is not to get people to do something else; the attempt is to create a culture of respect and human dignity. A spiritual leader also emphasizes on a devotional and prayerful mood during all services and projects, including dramas. The culture of prayer and selfless service offers deep inner peace and satisfaction, and thus these intrinsic rewards motivate the members to stretch longer and work harder. This approach is also more sustainable. Therefore even though Radhanath Swami’s appreciation of members is lavish, it’s honest and more importantly it’s to encourage a person to eventually derive satisfaction through intrinsic motivators.

Recognizing sincerity

If the leader rewards only the results, the team players may be inspired to follow the maxim, ‘ends justify the means’. However when the sincere efforts are also recognized, the message sent by the leader is ‘we value you and your efforts because you are sincere.’

In The Simple Truths of Appreciation Barbara Glanz reveals a simple, yet most often ignored universal truth; we all have a need of ‘appreciation’ and if we offer personal and sincere appreciation to others from our hearts, we will receive more than we give; maybe not material benefits- which defeats the purpose of appreciation- but the joy and contentment is far richer for the person showering kind words than the one receiving it. “Appreciation is a wonderful thing” declared the French philosopher Voltaire, “It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”

In another post drama meeting, Radhanath Swami appreciated an actor who had caused great laughs during the show. The audience roared in laughter not at the histrionics but at a clumsy mistake during a critical scene. The actor’s royal robes got stuck on a chariot wheel and as he spoke his punch lines, he was desperately pulling his lower cloth and attempting to set it right. Some members including the actor felt that was an embarrassing moment and they wished to forget the fiasco. However during the meeting Radhanath Swami elaborated how the actor is sincere and the cloth getting stuck was an arrangement of the Lord to make the drama sweeter and simpler. This time again everybody laughed but now it was out of love, in appreciation of the simplicity of the actor who works as a senior president in a large multinational company. Rather than an embarrassment, the incident now embellished his personality; besides he was happy and inspired.

Having witnessed many times Radhanath Swami’s stroke of genius in encouraging people at all situations, I remembered Ms Dona, my project leader in school who often shared her realization that encouraged people achieve the best; paid people achieve the second best; dominated people achieve the least and neglected people nothing.

‘NO ONE LISTENS!’–was the contrasting echo heard in his workgroup.

Listening is the most important of all leadership skills. However, the unfortunate truth is that most of us pay little attention to the quality of our listening, leaving a gap between “hearing” others and listening to them.

In his new book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, top executive coach Marshall Goldsmith writes, “80% of our success in learning from other people is based upon how well we listen.” Goldsmith calls listening the one skill that separates the great from the near-great. When we’re dating someone, we focus intently on what the other person has to say; the same goes when talking to our boss or a higher authority or pitching a new client. The difference is that the super-successful maintain that level of focus all the time. This is the unbelievably simple formula of a great leader and such simple formulas are available to any of us to become a super-successful leader simply by listening more and talking less.

In the Vedic literatures, the example for achieving excellence through listening is given of Maharaja Parikshit. Though Parikshit had only 7 more days to live, he took utmost care to hear very carefully from the spiritually exalted saint Sukhadeva Goswami for seven days continually. Parikshit expressed no desire to eat food, drink water or sleep during this period.

Generally, when another person is speaking, we “listen” at one of four levels: ignoring, pretending, selective listening, or attentive listening. We should be using the fifth, highest form of listening–empathic listening. Empathic listening is listening with intent to understand the other person’s frame of reference and feelings. It means you listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart. Radhanath Swami says whatever we are doing, we should do with our full heart, without any ulterior motive, with our full consciousness and then it becomes an offering of our love for God. So, it becomes pertinent, especially in our leadership roles that we shun the tendency to be preoccupied all the time and become present in the moment.

Stephen Covey in his book ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ speaks about the importance of ‘Empathic Listening’ as the crux of effective communication in the section where he discusses the 5th Habit ‘Seek first to understand and then to be understood.’ How many of us listen to the other’s point of view before rattling off our own? Covey believes that the only way to establish communication as a leader is by becoming, in small part, the person you are listening to. The experience, standing for a moment in another’s shoes and seeing the world through their eyes, is something everyone is capable of, but most of us rarely (if ever) deliberately do. It takes time to listen empathically and practice to become adept at it, but the reward is a whole new level of communication and problem solving because the leader acquires the ability to see a situation simultaneously from multiple points of view. As a spiritual leader, the art of listening is even more important than the art of talking. When you hear out the other person, something beautiful happens. The other person senses that you value him/her and a bond of trust and faith is simultaneously created. This is the true path to inspirational leadership. Radhanath Swami says the fine art of leadership is that a spiritual leader does not see through his eyes but sees with his ears!

Experienced trainer on management Madelyn Burley-Allen identifies the following immediate tangible benefits from good listening:

A Bond of Respect. Genuine listening generates respect, rapport and trust between talker and listener. In particular, followers/employees like, and respond better to, leaders who they think are listening to them.

Productivity. In a work situation, productivity will be higher when the leader hears out the problems completely before ‘advice-giving’ begins.

Cooler Heads. Focusing on listening helps both the talker and the listener stay cool–and helps them cool down–when dealing with a crisis or discussing an emotionally charged topic.

Confidence. A leader who listens well will tend to have better self-esteem and self-image as they have more chance of winning the trust of their followers.

Accuracy. Better listening leads to better recollection of important facts and issues later on, resulting in fewer miscommunications and fewer mistakes. Thus, attention to good listening technique is even more important when complex issues are involved.

Our mind is made up of thoughts. Thoughts have different colors to it–good, bad, pleasant, unpleasant and so on. It could be surprising for some of us who have not been alert—our expectations, emotions, likes, dislikes, worries, joy etc. are all in the form of thoughts. We are habituated to travel with the endless train of thoughts throughout the day, day after day.

Modern psychologists suggest that an average person with an undisciplined mind has about 50,000 distinct thoughts everyday. Almost all of them are either negative thoughts or confrontational. Even people who are well-mannered and pleasant, who spend most of their times in the privacy of their thoughts pursue mean-spirited, angry or harmful thoughts.   Every one of us experiences the same kinds of thoughts raging in our undisciplined minds unless we have a trained mind. What separates the spiritual leader (one who follows spiritual principles in his or her life) from the crowd is that he or she has learnt the art of controlling the mind and its raging thoughts.

We are led to think by our mind that it is beyond us to control the mind, so we give in to all its demands. In the Bhagavad Gita, Arjuna, the brave Pandava warrior, in the moment of utter crisis pleads to Lord Krishna, ‘Mind is so powerful that it just goes astray like a boat carried away by the wind.’ Lord Krishna provides good counsel to Arjuna when He says, ‘Mind is the friend of the one who has controlled it but is the enemy of one who hasn’t.’

How does a spiritual leader train the mind and discipline the train of thoughts and use it to his or her advantage? In this connection, Bhakti Tirtha Swami has shared something very interesting about the ‘power of thoughts’ in his book ‘Leadership for an Age of Higher Consciousness.’ He says, ‘Although invisible to the naked eye, thoughts are things. They are individual electrical entities that group themselves with similar energy to form clusters. They are real; they are substantive; and they are a force that everyone can learn to balance and control…Nothing exists unless it is sustained by thought. Therefore, the easiest way to control and manipulate energies is by thought processes. People can control their words and actions simply by changing the way they think.’

 Spiritual leaders know that ones thoughts are not really ‘one’s own’! Just because thoughts appear or pass through the mind, it doesn’t mean one has to buy into them or identify with them or act upon them! They learn to simply let them pass by being an observer. This is how we as leaders in our own capacity can deal with all kinds of negative and unwanted thoughts that pass through our mind, i.e. by being an observer and not getting attached to the thought. Though it is not very easy in the beginning, with a little practice, we can apply it in almost every situation in our life successfully. Wrong thoughts are inside us just because we identify ourselves with these thoughts. If we identify with something else, immediately they have to leave us!

Prentice Mulford, in his famous book ‘Thoughts are things’ presents that there is a higher power who is the controller of all thoughts, and He lives within you and without. Prentice says if you can’t control your mind, don’t try; instead ask the Higher Power to change your mind for you. He concludes that all you need to do is to have faith in the Higher Power.

Radhanath Swami gives the most practical advice, ‘When negative thoughts and desires appear within our minds, we must neglect them by our intelligence, and we must choose to focus our mind on God. Then we can overcome those negative thoughts. And the easiest way to fix our mind on God whenever a bad thought comes, is to take shelter of God’s holy names.’

Most personality development workshops speak about developing serving and caring skills, as if these are techniques that can be mastered. If you are internally not convinced of the principle of service as the basic requirement of human goodness, all attempts to master ‘caring’ or ‘service’ skills will fizzle out eventually. Selfless service has to be foundational to our ethos; it’s not a technique to be used as a hook to ‘inspire men to work harder’ or ‘get the damned results’.

People aren’t gullible; if a leader shows he cares because that’s a nice ‘technique’ it will fall flat on his face. People eventually see through the deception. Service is an expression of love for the other soul; it’s not a tool to be used to get something else. When one renders service with a real desire to serve, it leaves a lasting impression on the served, and inspires them to also stretch for a higher cause. Spiritual leaders therefore take their service to the higher dimension- the level of adding sacrifice and love to their actions, rather than see it as the means to corporal ends.

Selfless service adds value to our lives

A spiritual leader’s success recipe is his or her adherence to strong spiritual principles like selfless service, humility and respect for others. Living by these principles bathes our own consciousness with love; this internal nourishment then overflows again as loving service towards others.

One of the literary classics that had a profound effect on me was E.R.Braithwaite’s autobiographical ‘To Sir With Love’. Rick Braithwaite studied in New York and Cambridge University; he was an engineer and an intellectual. Unfortunately however, he failed interview after interview because of the colour of his skin. After eighteen months of unemployment and weakening confidence, he was posted to one of the worst schools in East End of London. Besides the challenge of racial prejudice, he had to now confront an unruly, disruptive group of fifteen- year-olds. He struggled to slowly and painfully break his own internal barriers and then the external prejudices; not only did he come to eventually love them, they too accepted him. A dedicated teacher, Braithwaite turns hate into love, teenage rebellion to self-respect, and contempt into consideration for others.  His method of turning around the kids lay in his genuine love for them; he expressed it by his simple acts of service and introducing the children to out-of-school learning activities like visits to museums.  The children were won over and so were critics like Mr. Weston, who had earlier disapproved of Braithwaite’s teaching methods. Braithwaite was eventually recognized as a gifted teacher.

Braithwaite could have simply done his 9.00 to 5.00 job; he had nothing to lose, his salary was fixed and he had all reasons to be cynical in life. However he loved the children and wanted to help them. A desire to genuinely serve and add value to another’s life is the turning point in our own life- it adds value to our lives first.

Actions speak louder than words

Leaders who care show it through their actions, and leave a mark.  They may not be expressive in words or smart in advertising themselves as truly caring; but if they are genuine, their actions speak loud and clear.

Some years ago one impressive young man, in his early twenties, volunteered to assist me in my youth outreach services. He was sociable and polished in his speech and behaviour. Through expressive bodily gestures, he showed he cared; he happily ran a few errands and repeatedly enquired about my well being. A few weeks later I noticed he wasn’t frequenting our centre anymore. On enquiry, I made a sad and shocking discovery; he was exposed in a series of cheating cases at his work place and was now behind bars. I realized external appearances could often be deceptive.

I can’t help contrasting his behaviour with a close friend in our monastery who has a no nonsense approach to life. His rustic mannerisms and grave expressions keep those who don’t know him well at a distance. He talks less and works hard the whole day.

When I joined the ashram as a monk apprentice, he was one person I was really afraid of. One day I had a serious pain on my shoulders. I sat alone in a corner, silently moaning. He saw me in discomfort, and asked me with his characteristic emotionless face, the cause of my anguish. Fearing his rough and tough appearance, I avoided answering him straight and said I’d be all right soon. He was gone but was back in a minute with a special balm. Even as I thanked him for it, he insisted on rubbing it on my shoulders. As he was many years senior to me, I was hesitant to accept personal services from him. However he was adamant, and with a serious expression, put me down and then lovingly massaged me for the next hour. The next morning I was relieved of the pain and I rushed to thank him, for it was his special touch that had healed me. As I thanked him, he remained grave, and said, “Please pray for me. I am a fool but you have kindly allowed me to serve you.” In a moment he was gone to resume his other pressing services for the day. Seeing him blissful in service despite his unsophisticated appearance reminded me of Gandhi’s words of wisdom, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

These two incidents convinced me that deep down if you are genuine, you can’t hide your goodness; however if you are basically selfish, and have an attitude problem, you can’t fake the service mood for long. As the famous American essayist and poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say”

 ‘Love is not a feeling; it’s a verb’

If one claims to love, he has to back the claim with service. Steven Covey writes in his ‘Seven habits of highly effective people’ that Love is not a feeling; it’s a verb. The feelings have to be translated into action. I can now see that both my ashram friend as well as Braithwaite shares the principle of service; that’s the reason they affected people’s lives strongly.

We live at times when all seek to rush to top. But the wise men have opined that the ‘way to the throne room is through the servant’s quarters’. I am now beginning to realize that no one can truly succeed in life until he learns to serve others.

Most quick fix techniques and self help books suggest we should have a strong belief in ourselves and think big and dare to achieve our dreams. These pep talks leave me disappointed because if we deep down believe in nothing and no one but ourselves, then we live in a very small world. Life is about making little sacrifices for someone we love. That bonds us together more deeply. That makes a successful leader out of even the most common place worker or an unknown housewife.

A mother’s role

Radhanath Swami often gives the example of his own mother who cooked a feast daily for her family of husband and three sons. It was a minimum four hour affair daily, seven days a week.

Radhanath Swami with parents

He says if she wanted, she could have just ordered the food from fast food joints or served them corn flakes. “Instead she bound us with her sacrifice”, Radhanath Swami shared his realization with the community leaders of Mumbai, “Cooking creates a culture of love because hard work is a sign of love. Lovingly, when we work hard, it increases the bond of love. When we see others working hard to serve us out of love, our hearts become sensitive to their needs and will fill our own hearts with a desire to love and selflessly serve”

It’s these acts of selflessness that leave happy impressions, and our own small contribution to the legacy of service will go a long way in affecting other’s lives positively. These acts will also prove more effective compared to our lofty sermons and tall claims of being a servitude leader. Evangelist and author John Maxwell put it succinctly for all leaders to muse over, “People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Most notable of his talks was the one he gave at the Stanford University. He begins his talk admitting his failing to get to a formal college degree. Indeed, the true mark of a leader is his or her humility. Radhanath Swami often quotes how a fruit bearing tree is seen to be bent while a thorny tree is generally erect, indicating how one in knowledge (having good fruit) is naturally humble (bent). We can also note thesynonymy with the eastern paradigm that real knowledge is not a factor of formal education but rather a factor of keen awareness of one’s own frailties, and thus offering of respect to others.

Steve shares three key messages in his talk. The first he refers as connecting the dots. In this he shares his life’s past and how the various events in his life made sense when viewed from the present. He gives an example of how his taking of calligraphy classes out of interest later paved way for the provision of fonts in computers – typography would have remained lackluster otherwise. This principle of connectedness, of making choices in one’s life, of following the yearnings of one’s heart,with belief that some higher power will lead us to an advantageous position that we may not be able to foresee, is an attribute all aspiring spiritualists should nurture. In a similar context, Radhanath Swami defines faith as that substance through which we can see the invisible, through which we can connect to the Absolute Truth, God.

Second message that Steve explains is about viewing apparent reversals as having the seed for our future growth. And most notably Steve says that such reversals are inevitable and they are analogous to bitter right medicine that the patient requires. He refers to the incident where he gets thrown out of his own company that he founded after much struggle and how in that period of seemingly unfair treatment meted out by circumstance he discovers his innate creativity that becomes the foundation of his future success. Steve advises one to never lose faith in pursuance of one’s inner calling and to never get complacent of one’s situation in life. These form an integral part of the armor of a spiritual warrior – unswerving optimism and relentless urge to learn and grow. We see this principle very much illustrated in the life of Radhanath Swami also. In his autobiography Radhanath Swami shares the various gems of lessons he acquires as he passes through the crests and valleys of his journey in search for true substance in life.

Finally Steve explains his perspective on death. This talk that he gave was in 2005. And in that year he was diagnosed with cancer. Steve compares this stark reality of inevitable death as the single best invention of life. Why because it clears out the old and makes way for the new. Given that everyone has this inescapable reality awaiting, Steve suggests one to not waste time living a life of pretense and to follow one’s inner calling with courage.

Steve’s conclusion of his talk was this much quoted phrase that epitomizes his life: ‘Stay hungry, Stay foolish’. We find in the medieval history of India the life of a renowned spiritualist Sanatana Goswami. He was the prime minister in the kingdom of Nawab Hussain Shah of Bengal. He was the most sought after advisor to the King. He had riches and following. But he didn’t get complacent. He was well aware of the inevitable death and temporary nature of any situation in this world. He voluntarily gave up his position to pursue his inner calling to practice unalloyed, unmotivated, uninterrupted spirituality. This didn’t come easy as he had to overcome several hurdles including imprisonment. Finally when he got the opportunity to meet his mentor Sri CaitanyaMahaprabhu he submits himself as a fool, wanting to learn from his mentor – indeed he is considered to be the emblem of ‘Stay hungry, Stay foolish’.

We pray and wish Steve to continue his journey towards higher realizations in the continuum of life that all of us are traveling.

I remember a cartoon I saw in a newspaper some years ago reflecting the pressures of modern life. In the first caption, an American mother tells her child in the 1960’s, “Son, don’t waste your food. Remember there’s one Chinese and Indian child starving for it.” Then the second caption shows the mother advising her child in the twenty first century, “Son please do your homework. Remember there’s one Chinese and Indian child starving for your job”

The competition in this world is real and threatening. There’s always someone out there to grab your job, get your clients, or usurp your position. How does a spiritual leader (a leader who’s guided by spiritual principles) face the heat of competition and the myriad challenges that seem to threaten us every day of our life?

Controlled by our ‘centres’

A spiritual leader confronts the frenzied challenges of this world by being strongly anchored on spiritual principles. Each human being is centred on something or somebody. Consciously or unconsciously our ‘centres’ drive us to excel in a particular field or pursue certain vocations, and love or hate someone. These centres inadvertently influence our decisions, relationships, and activities. A spiritual leader is aware of his or her centre and more importantly he or she works hard to align to the strong and stable centres of life.

For example a stock broker may be deeply centred on money. When the markets get bullish, he’s ecstatic; when the stocks crash, he’s devastated.  He allows his happiness and distress to be determined by factors which are beyond his control. If he now decides to get spiritual and through prayer and meditation focuses on the eternal soul, a part of the divine whole, his spirits are high, beyond the ups and downs of this world; he experiences a deep inner state of contentment. When the stocks boom, he is peaceful; when they crash, he is emotionally balanced to face the crisis and take newer decisions based on prudent business sense. Thus spirituality equips one with clarity of thought and purpose.

Understanding the centres better

The first step in spiritual empowerment begins with increasing the awareness of our existing centres. The case below helps us identify the different centres that drive us in work, home and leisure.

Paul, Joe and Steve, have fixed an appointment with their respective wives and children for the evening. However late in the afternoon, their boss calls them over and informs them of an urgent problem in the auditing. All three are now required to work till late at night. Paul immediately informs his boss that he’s already committed for an outing with his family and he needs to be home. He apologizes to his boss and is unable to compromise on the evening programme. Joe on the other hand thinks of this as an opportunity to prove himself better than Paul and also sees it as an opportunity to grow in his career. He immediately sends a SMS to his wife about his inability to make for the evening programme. Steve always wanted to be a billionaire. Today’s late night is going to guarantee him overtime money, and besides, if the project is complete on time, there are monetary incentives awaiting for him. He tries convincing his wife that this money is too good to loose and on her insisting he come home on time, he ignores her and disappoints his children’s expectations.

Paul is centred on family; Joe is driven by career ambitions and is also centred on his competitors; Steve is certainly money centred, and would prefer that extra buck even if it means a strain in the family relationships.

We all have our centres, and they are reflected by what we give priority to and how we react during provocative situations. Effective leaders pause to examine their centres, and ask themselves if it’s worth holding on to them.

Realigning to spiritual centres

The centres of this world are temporary, and subject to the vicissitudes of time; leading our lives centred on them can cause disappointments and pain. However when we lead a life centred on timeless principles, we experience inner security and are protected from external disappointments. As leaders, if our centre is respect, position and power, we will be pained either when we don’t get it or when it’s snatched away from us due to the force of time. We may feel threatened and insecure when someone else fares better than us. However if we focus on principles like humility, respect, forgiveness, integrity, and truthfulness—the principles that have stood the test of time and hold true at all times, places and circumstances—we shall not be disappointed by material fluctuations. These principles are fundamental truths that help us connect to the innate goodness within us; holding on to these primary truths guarantee deep internal fortitude and strength of character.

Spiritual practises like prayer and meditation sessions increase the inner awareness of our centres; they also help us realign to the meaningful principle based centres.

Learning from a humiliating experience

Our Mumbai ashram holds a weekly class for the congregation that is usually attended by over two thousand members. One of the senior members of the community or a distinguished guest speaker gives the talk, followed by a lively question answer session. One Sunday a few years ago I asked a question to the guest speaker who was an elderly gentleman, respected the world over for his scholarship of scriptures. While answering the question, suddenly he got furious. Looking towards my direction, he spoke with disgust, “how can you put your finger in your mouth. That’s so unclean. Go wash your hands” The microphone had amplified the sound, and all eyes were now on me. I was already an established member of the community; I thought I was well respected and admired as a reputed speaker myself. The visiting guest obviously didn’t know my credentials, and his chastisement was unfounded. Although I was shaken by his reprimand, I remained seated, confident that he was referring to someone else. Meanwhile he once again spoke aloud, this time accusing me of being shameless. My friend seated next to me whispered, “Get up quickly, this will only get worse”. I still thought it wasn’t me because I never put my hand in the mouth during classes. “Maybe”, I wondered about my friend who was prodding me to rise, “he’s the one who’s guilty. He wants me to get up in front of this huge crowd so that he can save himself from being embarrassed.” I held my ground. Now the speaker expressed shock at my obstinate arrogance. The pressure mounted, and I reluctantly rose from my seat, feeling devastated by the humiliation.

Worse was to follow after the class as my colleagues in the ashram, my equals and friends, joked and ridiculed me for my clumsiness. My mentees and other juniors in the ashram, who respected me, silently watched the spectacle.

For the next three days the shame of the rebuke haunted me; my services, and spiritual sessions were all a distracted performance. Anguished, I approached the president of our centre. He heard me patiently, empathised with my misery and later revealed to me the concept of principle centred living. He encouraged me to go deeper and ask the painful question to myself, “What really was the cause of my misery? Was it the speaker’s chiding or was it due the fact that my pride and sense of identity of being a senior member and leader of the group was broken to pieces” I was considered insignificant and treated as a novice who needed to be disciplined and trained. As I honestly attempted to answer these questions, it dawned on me that I had so often in the past affirmed to be the servant leader of the members in the community; I had also given discourses on the need to be humble and tolerant and respect all without expecting any respect in return. ‘Selfless Service is our mission’ and ‘down with the false ego’ had been my emphatically declared anthems. Now I was being tested. I also suddenly realized that the unspoken centres that were driving me to work were respect and adoration in our community. When that was threatened during this incident, I felt pained. If humility, tolerance etc were indeed my centres as I professed, I’d have faced the calamity more maturely.

My President encouraged me with the inspiring wisdom of the French philosopher Rene Descartes who once said, “Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach me.”

Radhanath Swami’s advice

Radhanath Swami often quotes the Indian classic Bhagavad Gita which compares the inner state of a spiritually anchored leader to an ocean that isn’t affected by the rivers of honour and dishonour, peace and happiness that flows into it incessantly. Sometimes the dry season has no water coming into the ocean while the rainy season causes millions of litres of water to gush in from the rivers. The ocean is unaffected at either time because the river is insignificant in comparison to the ocean.

Similarly a spiritual leader is peaceful; spiritual practises help him or her shift the focus from the transient to the eternal. While endeavouring hard to excel in his or her duties of the ephemeral world, a spiritualist also works hard to connect to divinity that transcends time. Through scriptural study, honest introspection, and heartfelt prayers to God, a spiritualist finds an oceanic nourishment and inner strength; his happiness is in connection to the eternal truth. Then if unexpected waves of setbacks or the Tsunamis of humiliation come crashing into his or her life, he or she does the needful to address it; his or her response is not governed by the broken ego, but by the principles of fairness, humility, justice and forgiveness. It’s these ideals that a spiritual leader aspires for; hence such leaders lend substance to their life and other’s lives. As Radhanath Swami says, “all the great tools that people learn in educational institutions are only as valuable as the ideals and intentions of the people utilizing them.”

As regards the daily competition, a spiritual leader doesn’t wish the problems away or ignore them; such a leader isn’t the archetypical advocate of the ostrich ‘head in the sand’ philosophy. Rather he or she sees the potential competitors of this world with compassion; a spiritualist first confronts the enemies within and this gives him or her strength to confront the external challenges of the world with grace and dignity.

A study by Lance Armstrong Foundation, an organization that aims to improve the lives of people affected by cancer suggests that this is due to deeply ingrained beliefs in people who are, in today’s world, experiencing mass hysteria due to acute shortage of patience and high expectations from themselves and their surroundings. If we closely examine the belief system of people today, we find they have a similar pattern of thinking. Such as-

• I should be able to do this faster and better than what I can.
• I have so much to accomplish I’ll never be able to do it all.
• I wanted this to be done yesterday.
• I would rather get a job now than go through four years of college. That way I can make more money in my lifetime.
• If I can change and grow, you should be equally changing and growing.
• I am trying to change, but you keep on falling back into your old habits; that must mean you aren’t trying as hard as I am.

What is the end result? Dissatisfaction, anxiety & anger, when things don’t happen according to our accord or estimation, and it’s most likely that things do not happen as per our expectation! Such dissatisfaction, anxiety and anger spreads its effect quickly and create an environment of stress and negativity. When you are a leader and in a hurry, you also run the risk of burning yourself out in the pursuit of your goal.

Stephen Covey, the renowned leadership guru admits to have crammed his way through undergraduate school thinking he was really clever. He had learned to psych out the system, to figure out what the teacher wanted. He wanted the grade and did not want hard work to hamper his lifestyle. But he quickly learnt his lesson and paid the price in his graduate work. It was a different league altogether. He spent the first three months cramming here too but ended up in the hospital with ulcerated colitis. Then he spent years trying to compensate for the foolishness of getting himself into a value system that was not tied to principles at all. Stephan says that in the long term, there are no short cuts or quick fixes, only your principles of patience come to your rescue. He has beautifully captured it in his book Law of the Farm. The Law of the Farm says that you have to abide by certain principles if you want to reap the best harvest. The farmer must prepare the ground, put in the seed, cultivate, weed, water, and nurture growth. He cannot rush the natural growing cycle. A good crop takes the right soil, good timing, disciplined action and above all the invisible hand of God.

Likewise, the farm of our lives (whether in a business or in a marriage) too operate on natural laws; there are no easy short cuts or magic formulas. We have to prepare the ground, invest seeds of patience, de-weed, water, nurture growth and above all regard the hand of God, i.e, His Supreme Will without which, it is said in the Bhagavad Gita, not even a blade of grass can move. It’s important to note that natural laws, based upon principles, operate regardless of our awareness of them or our obedience to them. If you are a business leader, especially you need to have long term focus, patience and perseverance.

Let’s examine what patience is. It is defined as a display of tolerance, compassion, understanding and acceptance when something or someone is slow. Radhanath Swami says patience is imperative quality of a great leader and he defines patience simply as a positive way to deal with negativity.

How to root out impatience?

Only when we root out impatience can we start cultivating patience within us. The real root of impatience is the erroneous belief that we are the masters of our fates and we have everything under our control: that we can shape our destiny according to our desires. The truth is otherwise. It’s an illusion to think that we control very many of the factors that shape our lives. In the Vedic Scriptures, it is clearly explained that the Supreme Lord is the Supreme Controller and everything moves under his supervision. Although we have a tendency to lord it over nature, we should know that we have no power to control any single factor of our life leave alone the power to shape our destiny. The moment we realize and accept this fact, we can steadily root out impatience.

Benefits of cultivating patience:

Patient attitude gets you out of the instantaneous gratification model of thinking:

Look at the history of business leaders and you will find that no great achievement was ever created instantaneously by anybody at anytime. Great achievement is always a function of patience. Impatience often makes us do rash things and engage in poor decisions because we didn’t take the time to gather the correct information and resources. So, even as the entire world around you believes in the instant gratification model, you will develop a confident edge over others by your patient attitude and determination.

Having patience makes you aware of your surroundings and allows for breakthroughs to occur:

Impatience is directly correlated with narrow-mindedness and gets the mind to focus in on the negative side of things. If you’re patient, you become open minded and you see all the positive opportunities all around you.

Cultivating patience makes you see everything in the big picture:

Patience gives you the ability to place everything along your journey in the big picture. You see the lessons that you learn and you become aware of how they can help you. In other words, you leverage every experience along the way and maximize its use. Because you see things in the big picture, you anticipate roadblocks instead of being surprised by them, which makes them easier to deal with. When you become impatient, you think short term and quit and totally miss that moment where everything clicks together.

Patience + perseverance = Success

Radhanath Swami rightly notes that with no proper training, our patience can lead us to be lazy. So, we have to develop the quality of perseverance as well. He is quick to add that if we focus only on perseverance, our determination can make us restless to achieve the results. If we are drifting to restlessness in our determined endeavor, we need to practice patience and if our patience tends to make us lazy, we need to remember the virtue of perseverance. We need to add-in the missing element in us and strike a balance. How can we balance both patience and perseverance? Radhanath Swami reveals his magic formula for success- the Triple ‘P’ formula- patience, perseverance and most importantly prayer as the key to strike a balance between the earlier two ‘P’s. A culture of prayer helps us tap the power of conscience within and gives us the discrimination to balance patience and determination. Prayers also give the leader the necessary confidence to not get bogged down when expected results don’t happen.

Ben Johnson had created a sensation. He bagged the coveted 100 meter gold medal at the 1988 Seoul Olympics, having achieved the feat in 9.79 seconds. Cameras flashed on the fastest man on the planet; he was now the most sought after and a legendary figure.

Ben Johnson

Few hours later the world sat stunned to discover that celebrity Ben had been doping; he was disgracefully stripped off the medal, and banned from athletics. Overnight he was reduced from a hero to a villain. Contrasting Ben is Muhammad Ali who became an Olympic champion, despite growing up facing racial discrimination. Against all odds, he became an overnight hero with his gold medal at the 1960 Olympics, and in 1999, the BBC declared Muhammad Ali to be the ‘sportsman of the century’.

It’s not an ‘overnight’ affair

While noting the dramatic rise or fall of these two men, we need to carefully observe the word ‘overnight’. Does one become a hero or a villain overnight? Muhammad Ali slogged for months; his arduous workouts and spending many hours daily in the gym had an effect that night; he was crowned the world champion that night, but he earned it after years of struggle against prejudice.

Muhammad Ali

Similarly Ben Johnson wasn’t a disgrace that night; his long deception got exposed one day. He confessed later that he had been doping for long; the clandestine cheating wasn’t known to the world until that night. Therefore often in life it isn’t an overnight affair. Its years of neglecting or paying attention to the little things that pay off one night. One night the world recognizes you as a hero or a villain but a lifetime would have been spent on climbing the ladder of success or digging your own grave.

Spiritual leader works on principles

We are so often attracted by National crusaders and heroes, sports stars, and charismatic leaders. But have we ever wondered about the rigorous discipline, determined efforts and most importantly the small but critical things that these leaders have given importance to for years? A spiritual leader (a leader who’s guided by spiritual principles) recognizes that real success in life is not determined by how many fans adore you, or how many billions of dollars you amass; it’s more to do with how we lead our lives in congruence with sacred universal principles. An unassuming housewife, a principled school teacher or a sacrificing mother can have a deeper impact on our lives. They are indeed successful leaders for they work on small but critical principles like sacrifice, charity, humility, service and discipline, day in and day out. And as a result such men and women leave a more lasting influence on our consciousness. Some of them may be glorified as super stars by the media but that’s secondary; the primary greatness of a leader is in his or her adherence to timeless principles. One such principle is to give importance to apparently small but sublime factors.

Little things can have tremendous consequences

A friend shared an important lesson he learnt in life. He is the Head of department of our youth outreach services; his day is packed with many duties and appointments. Often he’d be careless about being on time; he’d be late for meetings, but thought that wasn’t a big issue. His team members fumed but didn’t have the courage to open up. What really irked them was his casual approach to the issue. On a couple of occasions when they mentioned to him about his delays, he was apologetic but didn’t break the habit. He is definitely good at heart but his goodness got clouded by this ‘small’ irritable nature. Over a period of time the perceptions about him that floated in the monastery got serious; ‘he doesn’t respect me and my time’; ‘he’s rude and inconsiderate’; ‘I can’t trust him’. As I heard these remarks, I wondered if he was actually rude, untrustworthy, disrespectful etc. I realized he isn’t necessarily like that but his little neglect was costing him his reputation. I reflected, “Being late once or twice may be unavoidable, but being late consistently makes you unreliable.” Here was a talented and competent manager, but sent negative vibes and made others uncomfortable to be around him; people instinctively disliked him. I also realized that although perceptions may be far off from reality, perceptions are reality when it comes to relationships. It’s difficult to convince a person to like or trust someone based on facts and figures. Perceptions get embedded in the consciousness over a period of time when people notice your adherence to little but significant behavioural patterns or habits.

One day he came up to me and confessed his disappointment with the ashram residents; he felt they don’t appreciate him or his tireless services. He felt he lacked a real friend. As I heard him, the cause of his plight—neglecting little things that make a big difference—became clearer to me. Fortunately he was humble and open minded to accept my candid observations which might have led to his being alienated from the ashram. He’s now begun working on this aspect of his personality and perceiving tangible results. Both of us recently concurred, ‘Being on time may be a small thing, but it can have a big difference in our lives’. I recollected the words of Bruce Barton, the American author and Republican, “sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things, I am tempted to think there are no little things.”

A little act of taking lunch together

Radhanath Swami once emphasised to the monks in our monastery, the need to take lunch together daily. My instinctive unspoken response was, ‘what’s the big deal? How does it really matter? We’ve so many things to do’; the manager within me got the better of my human feelings. It didn’t make so much sense then but I complied with the advice because I trusted him and moreover he appealed, “even if you aren’t convinced about this little thing about taking lunch together, please do it only because I am saying.” That day was also his birthday, and he smilingly quipped, “actually this is the best birthday gift you can give me.” Now six years later I realize the profound effect this little act has made on the lives of our ashram residents. An unspoken message of love and family spirit is conveyed when the members come together and take food. These things are subtle but strong enough for us to perceive; trust and camaraderie get deeply rooted when we informally come together; I can now honestly confess that I eagerly look forward for the lunch hour or our informal get together in the monastery, for it gives me the feeling of close bonding with the other members.

I now soberly muse over Gary Eby’s striking observation, “termites are little but given time, they can eat an entire house. A match is a little thing but it can burn and destroy an entire forest. The tongue is a little thing but life and death are in the power of the tongue.” Years of paying attention to little things certainly pays off one day.

A spiritual leader works hard on his or her spiritual discipline and the building of a strong character. He or she does this with small but significant steps daily. It may be a little thing—for example going that extra mile and giving more than expected—but it makes a big difference… to you and the world.

A leader driven by principles of dharma (righteousness) is elevated to the platform of spiritual leadership that enables one to be a visionary. King Yudhisthira, an emperor of the Vedic era, was such an exemplary leader. A saintly king, he was the renowned Ajatashatru (one who has no enemies), and in his kingdom reigned real peace and prosperity. Due to his flawless character, his subjects loved him. His true prowess was his unflinching adherence to satya(truth) and dharma, which were more precious to him than royal ambitions and material pursuits.

Four Pillars

Excellence in leadership is about creating an environment of trust and credibility as was exemplified in the character of King Yudhishtira. Such excellence in leadership can be built on the firm foundation of the 4 pillars of dharma, i.e. Truthfulness, Mercifulness, Cleanliness, and Austerity.

• Truthfulness is the basic principle of trust based relationships. Relationships are the basis to happiness, either in a corporate environment or in a family. Resorting to untruth or modified-truth to suit our requirement is very easy, but in the process we become less trustworthy—unknown to us. To practice truthfulness may require a conscious and concerted effort. However, once you have practiced and found merit in it, it becomes a way of life.
• Mercifulness forms the foundation of a non-violent approach to business. In today’s world, violence is everywhere—in speech, in action and in peoples’ minds. We criticize people unrestrictedly and we find it increasingly difficult to see positive aspects in others. However, if we want to become enabling leaders, we have to become positive motivators. In this connection, Radhanath Swami says that when we seek the essence in every interaction, i.e. when we look for the positive in every person, we develop a natural compassion for others and we are in a position to understand and help others in a positive manner. Such non-violence of speech, action and mind has a great influence on elevating our consciousness to a higher dimension wherein our vision becomes clear. And when we are seen as a genuinely compassionate leader, greater is our influence!
• Cleanliness in dealings defines business morality. When we are seen as a business house with great moral standards, we evoke high respect and response. To get there, we must begin by striving to purify our consciousness (internal cleanliness). The easiest way is by adapting a lifestyle that promotes a pure conscience. According to all the major scriptures of the world, chanting the holy names of the Lord and study of the scriptures are the two recommended processes to purify and elevate our consciousness. With a little practice, it becomes a way of life and when we conduct our business with the highest ethical and moral standards, the Lord grants us peace of mind as well.
• Austerity of speech, action and thought form the best source of connectedness with higher energy fields. Through them we are propelled to strive for higher goals, as opposed to striving for power, money, prestige, position, control, etc. Austerity means to use speech, action and thought as a means of service for the good of others and limiting its use otherwise. Overall, moment to moment conscious living.

Great leaders are not born, they are made! The character of a person is much like a fine sculpture of marble or stone. The rough and unnecessary sharp edges from the raw material need to be removed. The process involves time, a hammer, and a chisel. Piece by piece the sharp edges are smoothened. If the stone or marble could ‘feel’, it would not be a pleasant feeling to have parts of it removed so harshly. Similarly, building ones character is a struggle, but if we persevere with the end goal in mind, we will be blessed with unimaginable fortune—the mettle which great leaders are made of will be ours too!

“Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are to some extent a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece—by thought, choice, courage and determination.”— John Luther

A successful leader relates to human beings differently from the way he or she attempts to solve a computer problem or a car breakdown. The human psyche is not designed to function in a robot like fashion. Although we may work diligently for hours, and be tough with ourselves and others, deep within, each soul seeks to love and be loved.  Although men and women today are highly career oriented, and work hard for money, inside the hard shell of an ambitious go getter is a soft, tender heart that’s looking for appreciation, encouragement, and reciprocation.  When it comes to human systems, a leader has to be sensitive to the needs of others and seek lasting solutions to problems. At such times efficiency becomes secondary; the report maybe delayed, deadlines not met and you may incur a higher financial cost. However an effective leader while seeking to always improve efficiency also invests on people and this leads to sustainable efficiency in the long run. A leader is efficient in managing things; but with people, he or she prefers to be effective.

Efficiency and Effectiveness

Efficiency refers to doing things right; effectiveness has more to do with doing the right things. Efficiency focuses on the ‘means’; effectiveness deals with the ‘end’. A leader is a visionary who wouldn’t seek great results in the short term at the cost of future instability. Spiritual leadership recognizes human resources to be most precious, and seeks to invest in people first. A spiritually trained leader does give importance to efficiency, knowing this comes with rigorous discipline. However such a leader is careful to avoid the resultant inflexibility and rigidity from creeping into the organization.  He or she is flexible and adapts to the changing environment without compromising on the principles. Radhanath Swami’s approach in creating a vibrant spiritual community in downtown Mumbai has more to do with caring for people than building super efficient systems. The systems followed when his people were inspired. Radhanath Swami instructed his students during the early stages of the Mumbai project, “A humble sincere offering for the upliftment of humanity and service of God will please God more than great unbelievable projects created for money and prestige. A simple, devotional character is what God ultimately sees.”

When a leader attempts to be efficient with people the same way as he or she is with things and systems, the results can be disastrous. Efficiency by definition seeks to use the lowest amount of inputs to create the greatest amount of outputs. As a leader you may be tempted to invest the least amount of time on people- after all time is precious and scarce- and desire maximum possible results from them. Your expectations are most likely to be frustrated for humans don’t respond the way the machines produce.

A Lesson from Ashram Life

I learnt my lessons the hard way. Our ashram has more than hundred residents and our day is packed with various services involving cleaning, community prayers, classes and group discussions on scriptural study, guest reception and more. We have different managers and systems to ensure smooth functioning of the monastery. I was once overseeing the services of a group of fifteen residents, one of whom had been neglectful of his responsibilities, and I was given the job of giving him a feedback. I thought since I had more pressing things to do, I should get the correction job done in five minutes. I meticulously follow a weekly planner; I decided the day and marked 5-10 minutes for reprimanding him. On the appointed day I saw him alone occupied in a task. I thought I could quickly wrap up the matter and then busy myself with other things I need to do. I went up to him hurriedly and said he needs to improve, and the management feels he’s been careless in his duties. No sooner had I said that, he angrily blurted out, “you guys are isolated from the real ashram. You live in a make believe world and are pathetically unaware of my services and challenges. I am disgusted with you.” I instantly knew I had blundered but my passionate instinct got the better of me; I downloaded the evidences that the management had gathered about his non performance. This infuriated him more and he rattled off the statistics he had about our lack of credibility. The planned five minutes went on for half an hour and the conversation was getting intense and heated. Meanwhile I had to attend another meeting and I excused myself assuring him I’d meet him later. We met the following three days and sought clarifications and counter clarifications. A week later both of us had sobered up; finally I apologized for my insensitive dealings, and he too was honest to admit his mistakes and promised to improve. What I thought was an easy five minute job eventually took more than five hours. For the next few weeks, I met him often and reaffirmed my affection and love for him. He was pacified and our relationship revived.

Months later as we informally recalled the event, he confessed that during that period he was indeed shirking responsibilities, but that’s because he was treated badly and his suggestions were disregarded completely by the team manager. Moreover the correction I thrashed on him was improper. He honestly said if I’d been more sensitive in my admonishment and if I had also heard his concerns, he’d have accepted the reproach more easily. I realized if I had spent quality half an hour that evening with him understanding his needs and concerns, the issues could have been resolved more amicably. Now it had taken weeks to convince him, make amends, and revive the relationship.

The incident set me thinking about my priorities as a manager; I can’t afford efficiency at the cost of sacrificing my long term goal of being a servant leader. My aspiration is to serve the monks who have joined our spiritual organization for rendering selfless service. My life’s mission is to please them but I realized in the passion of getting things done, I was charting a different course. I then asked serious questions to myself on what really are my goals; if I want to serve the monks I need to withdraw from the fast paced life and also ask deep questions on what steps I need to take for realizing this goal.

Discovering the Balance

I had been fascinated by the award winning entrepreneur and author Jim Randel whose ‘skinny on’ book series set me thinking about my priorities. He exposed the lacunae in my leadership service when he pointed out how most managers avoid the uncomfortable process of analyzing their dreams and goals by keeping themselves busy. “We strive to become efficient at what we are presently engaged in – whether or not those activities are moving us anywhere near where we want to go. By staying busy, we are too preoccupied to ask the hard questions and making the tough decisions.”

I knew to be effective in the long run, I have to ask the difficult questions to myself; can I afford expediency over long term team building? Is efficiency worth the effective loss of friends? I knew both efficiency and effectiveness are important for any organization to flourish but as a spiritual seeker, I had to take the call on discovering a balance.

Now as I introspect on Radhanath Swami’s leadership lessons, I see he’s grounded on people over projects. He revealed his vision for the Mumbai project, “What will it take for each and every member of our community to be enlivened, inspired, and protected so that they could practise active spiritual life centred on selfless service to God and humanity till the day they die. We seek to facilitate systems to achieve this goal. This is our mission”

I figured out that the natural stewardship role taken up by the project leaders in Mumbai, in the mood of a humble instrument in the hands of God, is percolating downwards; most members in this community have imbibed this spirit of service. Radhanath Swami once pointed to us that one of the most efficient managers of our community has been Sahadev das and his family. He revealed how this family is involved in most of the projects, yet always unassuming, and in the background. No one notices them; in fact many new members aren’t even aware of their existence and their contribution. I knew the family and I concurred with Radhanath Swami on his observation. Since the family only serves and puts others in front- the ideal servitude and cooperative mood- all other members have subconsciously imbibed the mood. The family members are certainly efficient; but they are one step higher. By appreciating others’ services and not seeking credit and glory for themselves, they are contributing actively to create an effective foundation of selfless service for the long run. Competitiveness and egoistic clashes is nipped in the bud when effective leaders like Sahadev das are free from it. When the leader only wants to serve others with love and affection, the other team members by default inherit the virtue.

As I reflect more on the role of caring for people, I realize I’ve a long way to go in being an effective servitude leader. Till then and beyond, my pure aspirations to serve and care will determine the effectiveness of my service; this mood alone will lend substance and meaning to my life.

A couple of days later I chanced to meet Radhanath Swami again and humbly requested him to throw more light on being ‘positive’. His answer has changed my life. He said being positive has four ingredients, and if we can constantly work centred on these principles, our lives would change for the better.

• Accept the truth

When certain situations go bad we may artificially psyche ourselves up with false assurances that things are just fine as ever. This is an immature and foolish response to the inevitable downturns of this world. When things or people change, denial makes the pain acute. We may offer a cosmetic smile and a gung ho ‘all’s well’ pep talk to ourselves but the seething pain is building from within. Accepting the unfortunate turn of events as an inevitable outcome beyond our puny control takes the steam off the potentially stressful situation. However simple as it may sound, this is the most challenging of the four steps. The strength to accept the bitter truths of life comes if we are anchored on the Absolute Truth, the Truth of God, and our sweet and loving relationship with Him. A culture of prayers and chanting of God’s Names gives us the strength to accept disturbing events and be peaceful and sober even during the emotionally painful periods of our lives.

• Be optimistic

However bad the situation is, there’s always a cloud of silver lining. We need to look for the possible positive and good outcome of an apparently tragic or negative event. As Radhanath Swami urges us to be optimistic, I remember the words of W. Clement, “There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it’s positive or negative.” If we hope for a better future even amidst a hopeless mess, we are placing our tender hearts in the hands of benevolent God. He’ll then work wonders in our lives.

• Gratitude

Our life is a constant flow of blessings. If we can simply thank God and other people for all the gifts that we are constantly getting, we’ll remain positive rather than get cynical. Cynicism drains out our vital energy; gratitude keeps our life simple, hearts purer and mind peaceful. As life treats us badly, we can focus on the things that life has given us, although we may be undeserving of them. “I had no shoes and I complained until I met a man with no feet” is a wise maxim and a sacred tool of a grateful leader.

• Appreciation

Kind words of encouragement and sincere appreciation of others emits positive energy everywhere and especially to those who come in close contact with us. Appreciation creates a virtuous cycle of positivity; you sincerely appreciate others in your team or group. This makes them happy, positive and surcharged, and in turn they catch the contagious quality of catching others doing right. Overall this builds a positive environment where one can lead a meaningful life centred on spiritual principles and integrity. The world is filled with people catching others doing wrong, but a spiritual leader focuses on the ‘right’ things others do. He then fans the spark of goodness in others and sets it ablaze; people who are always encouraged and appreciated feel empowered to affect others’ lives positively.

A few years ago I attended a programme where friends and students of Radhanath Swami appreciated him for affecting their lives in a personal and positive way. However Radhanath Swami surprised all of us by speaking about each of the members present, recalling the minute details of their wonderful qualities. He vividly recalled incidents and exchanges that took place over twenty five years ago; he even mentioned which of these members of the community in Mumbai had cooked dosas and idlis (these are special Indian cuisine) for him. A few days later some of the monks met him at the aisle of our monastery and we expressed our amazement at his incredible ability to remember such minute details of the various services of these members. Radhanath Swami’s grave answer humbled and inspired us. “These special souls have done so many services over the years. And if I don’t remember their love, sacrifice and affection, my life is condemned.”

It is adherence to these simple but sacred principles that are the hallmark of a genuine spiritual leader. Radhanath Swami is one such exemplary leader who has assimilated the ingredients of spiritual positivity, and freely shares them with one and all.

If we study Walt Disney closely, we find how he toiled all through his life to make a difference in the lives of everyone who had interactions with Walt Disney Productions. He was always striving to make people happy, had a strong commitment to his employees, worked hard to build relationships with them and knew each person by name. He wanted his employees to be happy, and he worked closely with everyone in his company. One of the best examples of his willingness to develop relationships is evidenced by his eagerness to help his employees learn more about animation. Walt offered the chance for his employees to attend art school, at his expense. Many of his animators took advantage of Walt’s offer, and as a result, their work improved greatly. They were enthusiastic about this opportunity and were grateful to Walt for taking an interest in their futures.

“You don’t build it for yourself. You know what the people want and you build it for them.” -Walt Disney

Radhanath Swami puts it all into perspective while defining the true characteristics of a leader. He says, “Leadership means taking responsibility of others, which means one must be selfless. Selflessness means putting aside our own well-being and desires as secondary and to think primarily of what is best for the persons who are looking up to us.”

When we focus on our selfish agendas, we move away from drawing strength from the divine realm. We find ourselves in the grips of fear, frustration and anxiety: fear of losing, frustration sets in because of rigid roadblocks in the race to succeed, and we are always anxious due to excessive competition. The fall outs of these conditions that we bring upon ourselves have far-reaching effects on our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. However, when we focus on executing our job as a selfless service to others, for their welfare, we draw strength from the divine realm, we find our energies refreshed and revitalized, and we see happy people around us willing to help us in our cause. Inadvertently we earn more respect. What’s more, we find nature and the whole ecosystem conspiring to make us successful. This, I believe is the secret of success of stalwart leaders of the world, be it Walt Disney or Mahatma Gandhi or Abraham Lincoln or Mother Theresa, as they always put the needs of others before their own and in return received the grace of the divine.

Today’s ego-centric world is strewn with people in leadership positions with vested interest. It needs a cleanup for sure. There seems to be a revolution-in-waiting, and the hour of the wakeup call is only nearing! Calling selfless leaders for a better today and a better tomorrow! Are you listening?

Some people are born with traits of selflessness, but the good news is that we can cultivate selflessness as our personal characteristic with practice. Remember, nothing great is ever achieved without hard work and personal sacrifice! Here are some insights into developing a selfless service attitude:

1. Learn to subordinate our personal feelings, needs and ego for a higher cause. When we commit ourselves to a cause, we will often need to put the cause ahead of our personal goals. This may mean sacrificing our pet project or sharing our strongest resources for the greater good of the organization or the team.
2. Practice, practice, practice. We can’t just wake up one morning and become selfless leaders. It takes practice and discipline. Selflessness often goes against our natural instincts for self-preservation. It requires us to build and exercise new muscles. We have to look for opportunities, both big and small, to practice selflessness.  
3. Selflessness is not to be confused with lack of will or sense of self. Many may confuse selflessness with weakness or lack of will. On the contrary, selfless leaders often have wills of iron. They know what they want. As leaders we have to remember to keep thinking big and remain confident (remember, very soon you will start drawing strength from the divine realm).
4. Understand your boundaries and priorities. If the cause is great and we believe in our ability to effect change, we should be prepared to make equally great sacrifices. We may jeopardize a big promotion or bonus to do the right thing. We may even put our job on the line. We will also make smaller personal sacrifices, like missing family events or bringing the stress of work home with us. Selfless leadership requires us to explore our boundaries fully so that when we confront choices, we are prepared to make them.

You can become a selfless leader if you have an identified higher cause for the greater good of others and if you build determination in your cause. However, you must also note that such selfless leadership calls for hard work, patience, sacrifice, and, most of all, love. You must love what you do, the people you serve, and your higher cause.

“Until we become selfless to our own selfish desires, we cannot truly give ourselves for the welfare of others” – Radhanath Swami

Extending the analogy, today the river is exposing how we have the tendency to judge people on their surface appearance, and to find only their negative qualities. But if we scratch a little, go deeper and search beneath the surface we will see a beautiful soul.

Radhanath Swami in his search for love of God in the Himalayas stumbled upon a leper colony where he found an old woman in rags, severely affected by leprosy, her face deformed, lying on the ground in misery. Radhanath swami looked at her and felt in her teary eyes the love of a mother, an affection real and rare. Externally she was repelling but beneath the surface Radhanath Swami saw a mother waiting eagerly to share her love, as she placed her blood stained hand on his head. Radhanath Swami graciously accepted this as her blessings.

Leadership is about seeing the unseen, like in the case of the iceberg where only one-third of it is visible above the water while the rest remains submerged. The Titanic disaster is a classic example of failing to see the unseen. What is normally unseen could be circumstances that led somebody to do something—a hidden potential or some emotions waiting to erupt.

Sometimes we also do not see our own worth. There was this young man who took a break from education to render some voluntary service. The invitation came to go to England. Just four-and-a-half months after his arrival, the President of the organization called him and said, “I have a new assignment for you. I want you to travel across the country and train local leaders.” The young man was shocked and thought how he could train people two or three times his age. Sensing his doubt, the president looked into his eyes and said, ”I have great confidence in you.You can do this.” The President’s confidence and the ability to see more in him than he saw in himself, and the President’s willingness to entrust him responsibility strectched him to unlock the hidden potential inside him.

That assignment helped him to detect the work he wanted to devote his life to: unleashing human potential. And that is what he did. This young man is Stephen Covey, the coveted author of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and the founder of the world’s largest leadership learning company Franklin Covey.

Leadership is seeing and communicating the worth and potential to people so clearly that they come to see it of themselves.

Radhanath Swami sees the divine in everybody and connects with the divine in them in a way that makes them understand and appreciate the language of pure love of God.

Thus we see people from all walks of life—from the professors of Harvard Business School to the high profile bankers of one of the world’s largest banking corporations of the world to the village folks of rural India and the carpenters doing work in the temple in Mumbai—all feel at home with Radhanath Swami.

Radhanath Swami’s best friend is Gary who runs a fitness business. Even though their lifestyle and interests appear to be diametrically opposite, how respectful and accepting they are of each other!

One of Michael Angelo’ remarkable work of sculpture is the statue of David made from a mammoth 18-feet block of marble; This had remained untouched by other artists for decades because they felt it was not a good piece of marble. When asked how he sculpted such a great piece of art, he simply said, “David was already there in the block of marble. All I had to do was remove the unwanted chinks.”

Spirituality is the process of removing the chinks and finding our true self – our identity and our ideals and living by the ideals. A true leader helps us along the way.

Another challenge he faced was the volatile political situation in African cities and villages where he was serving. Government instabilities cause a lot of uncertainties; if you didn’t have government support they would crush you. But the problem is if the government supports you and you come close to them, then if a rival party takes over the government, you are finished. In an atmosphere surcharged with political wars and military coups, the new government would often kill the previous prime minister, president, all the cabinet members and kill any party that’s close to the previous government. These coups were happening regularly while Bhakti Tirtha Swami was there. With remarkable intelligence and sensitivity, he simultaneously got close enough to get the support of the government but far enough so that if there was a coup, the selfless workers of his team wouldn’t be in trouble.

His tireless services bore fruit; soon he was running farms and service centres. He was on television stations and featured in all the major news papers, magazines and radio shows. The prime ministers, presidents, the heads and ministers of states were approaching him for spiritual guidance. His compassion, love and determined services fetched him the highest civilian honour. He was made the honorary chief of the Wori tribe in Nigeria; in a grand ceremony the tribe leader coronated Bhakti Tirtha Swami as the king of the tribe. Bhakti Tirtha Swami soon had immense influence, and he became a spiritual counsellor for many celebrities.

Leading world magazines like Time had at one time voted Mohammad Ali as the most popular man in the entire planet. Mohammad Ali was another success story. Born in the ghettos of Louisville, Kentucky, he had to learn how to fight just to survive, and he made it into an art and a science, then he became the world champion boxer. It is difficult to meet somebody so popular and high in the public eye, but Bhakti Tirtha Swami was regularly going to his house to give him spiritual guidance. Muhammad Ali was confiding in Bhakti Tirtha Swami, revealing his problems and seeking help to overcome his weaknesses. The United Nations, heads of countries and celebrities were calling on him for counselling, guidance and advice.  During the grand opening of the magnificent Radha Radhanath centre in Durban, South Africa, Nelson Mandela was the chief guest. Mr. Mandela walked onto the stage and embraced Bhakti Tirtha Swami, and from then on, they met on many occasions, and Mr. Mandela received spiritual guidance from Bhakti Tirtha Swami. Meanwhile in the capital of America, Washington D.C., he initiated a successful project called the Institute of Applied Spiritual Technology; he was now reaching many people and conducting classes at Harvard University.

Bhakti Tirtha Swami travelled all over the world. His enthusiasm, determination and compassion were unlimited. Wherever he went he just mesmerized people’s hearts by being personal in his concern for everyone he met. Since he came from a minority family and faced persecution till youth, he sympathized with any person who was being mistreated. He never judged anyone and was everyone’s well-wisher and friend, whatever their condition.

While his lectures transformed peoples’ hearts, he also wrote over twenty books, catering to the needs of the general population who could potentially be very receptive to spiritual knowledge. He wrote books on the problems of sex passions, terrorism, war, suicide, poverty, mental disease, and depression- things that are relevant to people all over the world. He was addressing them from a spiritual perspective and his books have been translated in about 30 languages in the world.

Radhanath Swami shared close friendship with Bhakti Tirtha Swami. In their intensely intimate and sweet exchanges, they shared many soul searching talks; when they met once a year for a few days, their conversations would last 14 to 15 hours daily. They poured their hearts to one another and bonded in a special and unique way as the best of friends.

In 2004 Bhakti Tirtha Swami was diagnosed with melanoma cancer, a cancer that by clinical analysis is not possible to cure. He decided to take this whole dying experience and share it with the world in a totally positive spiritual, God conscious spirit. He wrote his last book, “Die before Dying,” in which he shares his realizations and experiences of going through the transformations of death and dying in a perfectly God conscious  way. This is yet another example of Bhakti Tirtha Swami’s being a transition person, especially at a time when one is weak in discrimination and needs empathy and solace. Bhakti Tirtha Swami on the other hand provided strength, inspiration and hope to thousands even on his death bed.  During his last days Radhanath Swami spent time with him and saw him affect people’s hearts like he had never done before in his last thirty five years of practise and teaching of spiritual principles.

Bhakti Tirtha Swami revealed his own realization on the subject: “Since I had this cancer, in the last few months, I have affected people’s lives in such a way that I could never have been able to do if I lived for another 30 years. Therefore, this disease is a blessing of God because I am not living to live, I am living to serve. And in this condition, I am doing the greatest service quantitatively and qualitatively, that I could have ever done, if I lived a long life. Therefore I will not change my position for anyone else in the world because of the service I am allowed to render.” Bhakti Tirtha Swami’s incredible positive attitude during the testing time of death is a result of his cultivating the consciousness of being a transition person his whole life.

As Bhakti Tirtha Swami breathed his last one little child was crying uncontrollably and rolling on the ground. His father and other elders worried about him, and asked, “Son, what’s wrong?” The grief stricken boy lamented, “Bhakti Tirtha Swami was my best friend. No one played with me like he did. Who will play with me now? Now I have no one to play with.” This was Bhakti Tirtha Swami, a friend of everyone. To the children he was their favourite playmate, to his friends and colleagues, their best friend and to his students, the most loving guide. He could adapt to any situation to conquer people’s hearts and fill them with God’s love. His departure is a great loss to the world but also a lesson in being a transition person.

Stephen Covey refers to a transition person as one who breaks the flow of bad or negative traditions or harmful practises that get passed from generation to generation, or from situation to situation, whether in a family, a workplace, a community or wherever. “Transition persons transcend their own needs and tap into the deepest, most noble impulses of human nature. In times of darkness, they are lights, not judges; models, not critics. In periods of discord, they are change catalysts, not victims; healers, not carriers.”

As I introspect on how I could be a transition person, a surge of inspiration gushes through me as I remember Radhanath Swami’s six hour marathon memorial class a few years ago on his best friend Bhakti Tirtha Swami. By his exemplary character and positivity Bhakti Tirtha Swami influenced thousands, including Nelson Mandela and Mohammed Ali.

Bhakti Tirtha Swami was born in 1950 as John Favors to an Afro American family in the violent, poverty stricken ghettos of Cleveland, Ohio.  Although lot of reforms had been initiated, the African Americans were still being looked down upon as an inferior race; the prejudice was rampant and inferior education kept them down. John’s father died even before he was born and John faced freezing winters with his single widowed mother to take care of him. Although his mother could barely afford two sets of clothes for her son, she encouraged her son to happily give away clothes to other needy friends. The spirit of compassion and selflessness was deeply imbibed in the character of Bhakti Tirtha Swami even as a child with barely any necessities.

In the violent neighbourhood he lived in, people argued with guns. To survive in this intense atmosphere of lawlessness and suppression, even as a teenager he carried a loaded gun. He was also born with a speech defect. He stammered for two to three minutes to utter even a simple phrase. This attracted ridicule, but john was undaunted. When he spoke from the Bible about God, his stammering was gone. He was enthusiasm personified and he realized he was born not to speak anything material but to glorify God and serve others.

Despite the meagre facilities, he excelled in his studies and his desire to serve others led him to tutor other children. A kind hearted and wealthy Jewish girl saw his potential and sincerity, and convinced her school principal to give him admission. This was the most prestigious prep school where the wealthiest kids studied, and John was the first black student ever to be enrolled. As he performed exceptionally well and won the hearts of all with his attractive characteristics, the principal was eager to get him admission in any university he desired. Meanwhile the best universities were vying for him, and he chose Princeton University for his higher studies. At Princeton however many of the wealthy South Americans that studied hated blacks and they often ridiculed John or pushed him the wrong way.

John however chose to work on his strengths. He excelled in his studies and became popular. He majored in psychology, took to National law, and became the president of the student council. Being an activist, he also became a leader for the civil rights movement for that area. During the annual convocation when he was asked what he hoped to do in future, John replied, “I want to be a global humanitarian.” Since he was intelligent, creative and dynamic, he got an opportunity to work for the United Nations. For a man coming from a downtrodden situation, all opportunities for tremendous influence and material prosperity were now opening up. John Favors had indeed come a long way.

Generally when people coming from a downtrodden background get material wealth and success, they get intoxicated and attached. However John wasn’t enamoured; he was on a spiritual search. During his quest, he read many scriptures and one guru whom he associated closely revealed to John that John’s questions were really very deep and could be answered only by Swami Srila Prabhupada, the founder of International Society for Krishna consciousness (ISKCON), a worldwide spiritual organization that systematically propagates spiritual knowledge and educates the masses on techniques of spiritual life so as to achieve real peace and unity in the world.

John now began to associate with the students of Srila Prabhupada but faced another problem. Being the only Afro American member of the group, John began to face discrimination and saw that he wasn’t being treated properly. Only a couple of people spoke to him while most ignored. One day he met Srila Prabhupada and revealed his heart that there is racism and prejudice in his society of followers and students. Srila Prabhupada could have apologized or denied the discrimination but his response changed John’s life forever. Srila Prabhupada said, “If you get affected by what these ignorant and foolish students of mine say and think, then what’s the difference between you and them?” Srila Prabhupada had broken through his superficial layers of material consciousness and challenged him to raise his consciousness and be a transition person rather than complain about situations that are beyond our control. John felt grateful to Srila Prabhupada; the answer made him fearless and confident of ushering in a spiritual change in the society. He accepted Srila Prabhupada as his spiritual master and joined his family of spiritual workers. As an instrument of positive change, he became empathic and compassionate to others, and especially the new members. He personally took care of them like a mother, friend, guide and a servant. His enthusiasm to serve filled the lives of all those he came in contact with a sense of hope and happiness.

The secret of his inner strength to serve was his diary writing. An integral part of his daily schedule was to write an open letter to his guru and honestly speak his heart. Praying for guidance and mercy, he would explain in the letter what he was doing.

Bhakti Tirtha Swami recollects an incident that was transformational in his services. In 1976, he discovered that his team members considered resigning because his standards were very high; his long hours of tireless and enthusiastic services was impossible for others to keep pace with. They felt pressurised by him to also work like him and felt it was impossible for them to follow him. As a leader of the group, Bhakti Tirtha Swami was saddened to know that in the whirlwind of his services, he had affected others like this. He fervently prayed to the Lord for strength and after deep contemplation and sincere prayers, concluded that he needs to change. He vowed to cultivate the mood of being the servant of all by always encouraging others. He realized that to discourage others was a great disservice. He then resolved to give more importance to others getting better results rather than work on his own success. He carried this guiding spirit of being the genuine servant of servant of all with him for the rest of his life.

Most of us struggle for days to get over the pain of a negative experience. Often even years later, the unpalatable experiences haunt us. It sucks away our enthusiasm and leaves us uninspired. What differentiates a successful leader from a failing one? It’s got less to do with our achievements; it’s more to do with the way we cope with the negative influences in our lives. A successful leader has a healthier internal mechanism to cope with depressing and humiliating experiences. He or she focuses on cultivating strong spiritual traits that help one go beyond the provocations of this world. A successful leader’s core existence is made of positivity; that person’s blood group is ‘Be Positive’!!!

A failure, on the other hand, broods over the words and behaviour of others. Such a leader allows people to influence him or her negatively. The internal growth of such a person is stunted. A successful leader draws spiritual strength from timeless, sacred principles; a failure is anchored on fragile shelters. Sacred virtues like humility, forgiveness, tolerance, truthfulness, and integrity give us strength during testing times. Since a spiritual leader works on cultivating these principles, that person is happy and peaceful even when things go wrong. That person remains focussed on his or her goals. As Radhanath Swami often quotes, “One’s greatness is estimated by one’s ability to tolerate provoking situations.”

The reason why we remain sad for a prolonged period of time is because we identify ourselves with our false ego. The ego is the subtlest part of our existence that covers the pure soul. The ego is our identification with this world; when we consciously cultivate the thoughts of being a master and controller in this world, we are devastated when things don’t go the way we wish it would. When someone speaks unkind words, it challenges our identification with our own egos. Our estimation about ourselves as being wonderful is smashed by the person humiliating us. A spiritually centered leader while addressing the issues involved prefers to identify himself or herself with the soul, the pure existence within this perishable body that has a divine connection to the Supreme Lord.

The ego is compared to a diseased puss. If someone blows air and soothes the puss, we feel nice. An expert surgeon, however, takes a needle and pricks it to cure the puss. A shallow leader prefers to be surrounded by sycophants who blow air and soothe the ego. A true leader takes all harsh comments, open criticism and cynicism as the crushing of the puss by the expert surgeon, God, who through his representatives purifies us of our diseased false ego. Thus a strong leader doesn’t allow potentially distressful experiences and emotional setbacks to dissuade him or her from the goal; rather such a leader marches on against all obstacles.

This is real positive thinking, and Radhanath Swami exemplifies it. He often says, “Happiness is not determined by an event but how we interpret that event.”Radhanath Swami’s golden words of wisdom remind me of an interesting contrast presented by our professor in college.

A man on the verge of a major success in his career met with a serious accident. He suffered 65% burns and lost ten fingers. Four years later, in 1975, in another accident he injured his spinal cord that left him paralyzed waist down.  There was another man, who as a twenty-year-old rocked the world with his music and at twenty-four was a millionaire celebrity, with over fifty million copies of his album sold worldwide.  Our teacher asked us to judge who is more fortunate of the two men and whose life would we wish to emulate? I remember falling for the bait and opted for the second choice. Then the teacher revealed the real story: the first man is W. Mitchell who since his devastating accident has decided to be an instrument of positivity and lend substance to everybody’s lives. He is a successful businessman and as a motivational speaker, transformed thousands of lives. He also became a small town mayor and authored It’s Not What Happens To You, It’s What You Do About It (1997). He leads a life centred on service, gratitude and prayer. The second man is Kurt Cobain who despite his wealth and fame was a victim of substance abuse. In April 1994, his heroin addiction consumed him; he committed suicide by a self-inflicted shotgun wound to the head.

Mr. Mitchell transformed a potentially depressing and suicidal situation to tremendous positivity and an unprecedented success story. Kurt Cobain on the other hand was swimming in an ocean of success but committed suicide and thus became an unfortunate victim of negativities.

Radhanath Swami has time and again reinforced this message: the need to centre our lives on strong principles, rather than seek success based on an external yardstick.

This is positive thinking at its best; this approach to life helps us remain enthusiastic and inspired despite the innumerable challenges thrown by the world.

Immature leadership makes false claims and offers empty gung-ho approaches to making things possible. For example one may endeavour to achieve things that defy material laws. If we desire to conquer death, can we do so? MIT Professor, Gerald Sussman believes so. The noted engineer was caught in a classic moment of ignorance when he declared that science has advanced so much that “we are the last generation to die.” His five decades of research on artificial intelligence has deprived him of common sense—he’s trying to make the impossible possible.

A spiritual leader, on the other hand, is realistic in life and focuses on the things that can be worked upon, or what Steven Covey refers to as the factors within the ‘circle of influence’.  Working diligently on things within our reach empowers us to reach a higher level that we would have earlier considered impossible. For example let’s say you want to shed off twenty kilograms of excess fat in your overweight body.  One approach is to dream big and desire to achieve this within a fortnight. You could psyche yourself up with an aggressive program designed to achieve this end; with sheer grit you may pull through. Accolades galore fall upon you for your extraordinary effort and stupendous achievement. Friends may appreciate you for your sensational accomplishment. However the challenge is to now maintain this new program. Without deep internal drive, soon you could rebound with equal ferocity to your old ways and quickly gain the lost weight.

The other approach is to understand the significance of losing the excess weight, and follow a realistic regimen in a disciplined and regulated manner. The steadfastness and diligence in following this programme may delay the results as compared to the earlier approach, but the results now are far more lasting. Slow and steady wins the race. A spiritual leader’s internal absorption on divine principles helps in attracting higher sacred powers; hence such a leader’s slogan is, “slow and steady attracts the grace.” This approach not only helps us achieve many desirable results but also ensures a serene acceptance of things that are unachievable. The spiritual connection to God and enshrined principles gives internal fortitude and happiness; a spiritual leader attempts to go beyond the mere material successes of this world.

Let’s consider two contrasting cases. Two little boys are encouraged by their respective parents to achieve academic success. While one of them receives a pep talk from his parents on how he can indeed do it and be a real hero  (he’s after all the maker of his own destiny), the other child is encouraged to work hard and simultaneously depend on higher powers and pray to God for spiritual strength and success. Both may achieve top results in their academics. However the first child’s belief in himself becomes stronger and leads to a conviction that he’s indeed great and special. Later, God forbid, if he were to fail due to the bizarre vicissitudes of life, he’ll be shattered because he’s believed all his life that he can get what he wants. Now due to a massive false ego and pride that has been the foundation of his character, he’s unable to reconcile to the failures. On the other hand, the second child is grateful during success because he’s been trained to believe that although one has to work hard for success, there are many other factors beyond our control, and their conformity to help achieve the success is beyond us individually. The examiner has to be in a good mood while correcting the papers, and the marks need to be entered correctly on the computer. The child is grateful to God for adjusting all other factors which are out of his control to get him good results. He is also humble because the culture of prayers has helped him recognize higher powers. If he were to fail, the culture of spiritual training helps him be detached. He’s already internally connected to God and knows there are more things to life than one failure in an exam.

My friend, a topper since childhood, secured an admission in the premier management institute of India. However for the first time in his life, he faced toppers from all different fields gathered together in his class. The competition was intense, and even though my friend got a good job in a multi- national company, he was devastated because he didn’t get the best. What do you expect when all ‘best’ come together? Someone has to get second. He needed counselling to get over the pain.

This incident reveals the importance of sacred principles enshrined in the Bhagavad Gita and other Vedic scriptures, of endeavouring hard but being detached from the results. For example, what are the two extremes one could drift to while trying to achieve good agricultural crops? One is to be convinced that if I till the land and work hard, I will get a great produce. But if it doesn’t rain, your efforts not only go waste, but leave you depressed. On the other extreme, one may resign to the fact that rains are the main factor and since they aren’t in my control I leave everything to God for the results. Even this fetches no crop. The ideal approach is to work hard, (‘in the circle of influence’) and cultivate spiritual principles, while leaving the nature to do what she will do anyway. Then when you get a good crop, you are humble and grateful for you have consciously cultivated spiritual principles and made your foundations strong. On the other hand, if the produce is bad due to poor rains, you are already internally connected to principles beyond this transitory material world. That keeps you sober and peaceful despite reversals on a personal front.

A leader who focuses only on the external growth remains internally miserable; that person can’t cope with failures nor can he or she accept success maturely. On the other hand a leader who works on internal development leaves a mark on the external world. Even if the world doesn’t recognize, that person is contended to be connected to God. Radhanath Swami candidly offers a realization on this, “I have come to realize that only if we cling to our sacred ideals, not being diverted by either successes or failures, we may find that amazing powers, beyond our own, are there to test us, protect us, and empower us.”